protective gear he needs to minimize his risk of exposure? “We’re all doing our best to take as many preventive steps to lower our Dear Dan: My question is on manrisk of being exposed,” aging “gray area” intimacies during the said Dr. Summers, “but there’s still a pandemic. I have a lover/friend that I’ve maddeningly unacceptable shortage of been hanging out with — fucking, drink- personal protective equipment like ing tea, going on hikes, eating ice masks, gowns and gloves nationwide. I cream, watching movies and other hope he has sufficient access to these activities — for about nine months. things. But is there a risk he could get He’s 36 and was married for 10 years exposed to the virus at work? and due to that experiDefinitely.” ROMAN ROBINSON ence he’s been a bit emoDr. Summers lives tionally “boundaried” but with his husband and four he’s still really sweet and children and in addition to a good communicator. I’m the precautions he takes in grad school doing a at work — where he may double masters, so the be seeing patients with small amount of time coronavirus (he doesn’t we’ve been spending know for sure because together has worked well tests still aren’t available) for me. Here’s the issue: — Dr. Summers strips he’s also an ER doctor. down to his underwear on Do I keep seeing him durhis front porch of his ing this pandemic? I just home when he gets home moved to the city where we both live from work. His clothes go straight into for my grad program and he’s my main the washing machine, he goes straight source for connection, comfort and into the shower. support here. Every time I see him we “I’m still afraid of bringing it both feel tremendously less stressed home,” said Dr. Summers. “But with and our connection feels emotionally four kids home from school, my hushealthy. I just know he is bound to be band’s sanity depends on my being at a huge risk for exposure and since present as much as I can. So for me, he’s not a committed partner and we staying away isn’t an option. That’s don’t live together, I don’t know if he not the case for PDDAD. She has to falls within or outside of my physical decide whether the undefinable risk of distancing boundary. It seems like the exposure isn’t worth it. Or, alternativebest thing to do from a logistical perly, she can decide the connection she spective is hole up with my cat and not has with him is important enough to see another soul in person until a vacher own well being that the risk is cine is invented or something, but I worth it. But only she can make that don’t know when that will happen. decision for herself.” —Physical Distancing Do’s and If you decide the risk of infection is Don’ts too great — or if your boyfriend decides the risk of infecting you is too great — Dear PDDAD: “This is really a mat- you can still be there for each other. ter of a personal risk/benefit calculaYou can Skype and Zoom, you can text tion,” said Dr. Daniel Summers, a pediand sext, you can leave groceries on atrician who lives and works near his porch and wave to him from the Boston. “What PDDAD is willing to sidewalk. But if you decide to keep accept as a risk may be different from connecting with each other in person, what someone else would.” PDDAD, you should minimize the And there’s definitely a health benamount of time you spend moving efit to getting together — we are social through the city to get to each other’s animals and isolation is bad for us — places. And that means — emotional but your lover is at high risk of infecboundaries be damned — picking one tion. And when front-line health care of your apartments to hole up in togethproviders get infected, they tend to get er for the duration. sicker than the average person who You can follow Dr. Summers on gets infected, according to CNN, which Twitter @WFKARS and you can read is something else you need to factor him at Slate’s Outward. into your risk/benefit calculation. Additionally, does your boyfriend’s Send emails to mail@savagelove. workplace — I’m going to call him your net, follow Dan on Twitter @ boyfriend for clarity’s sake — have the FakeDanSavage, and visit ITMFA.org.
BY DAN SAVAGE
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MARCH 26, 2020
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BOULDER COUNTY’S INDEPENDENT VOICE
