3 Magical Phrases to Enhance Your Communication Skills By AmyK Hutchens “How might we…” instantly conveys that you expect everyone to do some thinking and invites the collective sharing of ideas. “How might we…” requests engagement and participation and expresses inclusion and collaboration. For example: > How might we make this process more efficient? > How might we meet and exceed this goal? > How might we create more time for us? On average, you engage in six to nine significantly meaningful conversations each day that will influence your future. Relationships with colleagues, family members, neighbors, your partner, and even yourself are filled with meaningful conversations, and several of them, can be down-right tough conversations.
Suppose in this crazy, complex world you could start every day with a confident smile, knowing every tough conversation at work and at home will ignite an “aha” moment and get you the results you desire. Wouldn’t that be nice? Guess what: you can. And all it requires is one significant adjustment to how you play this game called communication. You have to learn how to navigate the tough conversations in your life without saying something you’ll regret, giving your power away, or damaging your relationships along the way. Communication is hard, so we’re going to make it a whole lot easier with three Magical Phrases. Start using these three Magical Phrases, and you’ll start turning tough conversations into highly profitable ones.
1. “How Might We...” Maybe you want to increase sales by 12 percent, improve your marriage, or raise money for a charity. Unfortunately, when you first think about your wants, your brain’s initial reaction is, “Yep, that’s nice. I want that too.” But it doesn’t do anything. This inaction stems from the fact that the brain needs a trigger. To effectively ignite your thinking, you must flip your objective from a statement to a question using: “How might we…” Posed as a question, this phrase immediately engages your brain into figuring out how to answer and fulfill this want of yours. You start reflecting on past successes and failures. You start evaluating current conditions, variables, and options. You start predicting exactly how you and your posse might best move forward and make it happen.
Placing the words “How might we…” at the beginning of your stated desire, so you turn it into a question, will raise the quality of your thinking and have you (and others) working toward your want, pronto.
2. “A Part of Me…” One of my most favorite one-liners to reduce tension in a tough conversation and lower the other person’s defenses is: “A part of me…” This phrase is a brilliant way to express a negative emotion you are feeling while simultaneously creating space for other emotions and possible solutions. Whether you’re upset with a partner, frustrated with one of your kids, fed up with an underperformer at work, or dealing with a difficult sibling, it’s important to not speak in absolutes. When you say, “I’m frustrated” or “I’m disappointed,” the other person hears an absolute. There’s no wiggle room for other emotions. It’s as if you just said, “I’m 100 percent frustrated” or “I’m 100 percent disappointed.”
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