Edition 102 - 27
for news 24/7 go to bocaratontribune.com
Columnists The Boca Raton Tribune
FAITH
DIVORCE FLORIDA STYLE
By Rick Warren
By Mike Gora
Good Leaders Are Good Listeners
The American Dream
There is an old story about a young man who came to the celebrated Greek philosopher Socrates to receive instruction in public speaking and oratory. From the moment the young man was introduced to the great thinker, he began to talk in a non-stop flow of words. This continued for such an extended time that Socrates could not get a word in edge-wise. He finally silenced the young man by putting his hand over his mouth. “Young man,” said Socrates, “I am going to have to charge you a double fee for my training.” The man complained, “A double fee! Why would you do that?” Socrates replied, “Because to make you a good leader I will have to teach you two sciences: First, you must learn the science of holding your tongue; then you can learn the science of using it correctly!” Good leaders are always good listeners. That is how they learn. That is how they assess what needs to be done. Unfortunately, one reason we often do not have alert ears is because we have open mouths. Someone has speculated that since God gave us two ears and only one mouth, He must have intended for us to listen twice as much as we talk! The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). If we follow the first two parts of this verse, the third part is automatic. When we are quick to listen (eager to hear and understand what is being said) and slow to speak (cautious not to speak prematurely) – we are slow to become angry (we keep our emotions under control and can respond appropriately). Studies have shown that there are four basic styles of listening: THE JUDGMENTAL LISTENER – This person already has his mind
Columnists
made up and does not want to be confused by the facts. He is critical, negative, and prejudiced. Studies have shown that 17 percent of the population falls into this category. THE INTERROGATIVE LISTENER – This person thinks that good listening consists of continuously firing a series of questions at the person who is speaking. Questions are important to conversation, but interrupting with questions gets old very quickly. According to research, 26 percent of all people use this approach. THE ADVICE-GIVING LISTENER – More people (35 percent) are in this category. They listen only long enough to make a quick assessment, and then they move toward what they really want to do – offer unsolicited advice. They do not really listen. They are not concentrating on everything you are saying; they hear only enough for them to respond. THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER – This style is used by only 22 percent of the population, but it is by far the most effective. You listen to capture the feeling of the person you are listening to, not just the content of their words. You pay attention to tone, facial expressions and body language – the non-verbal signs. Try listening with your eyes this week, not just your ears. You might learn something new. Adapted from a column by Dr. Rick Warren, a noted speaker, commentator on a variety of issues facing mankind, and author of numerous books. Best-known is The Purpose-Drive Life, a highly acclaimed book that has been translated into many languages and sold throughout the world. It affirms the importance of having a carefully considered, clearly expressed purpose to guide everyday life.
Dear Grandchildren, Over last weekend’s Memorial Day holiday, and on through this morning’s news programs on the networks, cable, and NPR, I heard a collection of experts and pundits, philosophers, and hooligans opine that “The America Dream” is dead and buried. That no longer could it be expected that our children, and their children, anon, would have better, more productive, lucrative, and purposeful lives than their preceding generation. It was suggested that the winds had shifted, and no longer filled our red white and blue sails to future success. It was argued that other stars have risen in the East and elsewhere, and that we could no longer compete with the best of Germany and China, India or Brazil. I have heard a bright and educated man publicly state that education was no longer the key. That it would be the less educated but successful entrepreneur whose cream would rise to the top. He opined that such gambling and a lot of luck were the keys to the doorways of the future, rather than degrees at brilliant colleges supplemented by professional and other advanced study. To all of the above you, grandpa says, “forget about it.” Educate yourselves to the height of your individual capabilities and you will create the capabilities, possibilities, and choices which will enable you to succeed in whatever field of business, education, or the ambiguous “other” that you choose. If you are educated you need not fear the future you can be the future. All six of you are blessed with the inherent intellectual capabilities to succeed in your
education, careers and lives. The older two are already academic stars, and the younger four are well on your way. Be smart in your choices, but do not be frightened away from opportunity by worries of student debt, or bogus thoughts of no light at the end of your educational experience. If you are educated into a field of endeavor which you love, nothing can hold you back. Certainly this country will not hold you back, in spite of its incipient selfserving political hacks for it will provide you the freedom to take advantage of the opportunities which exist and those which are now no more than a dream that that you or others of your generation may already have percolating in your fertile brains. Although from too great a distance, it has been my consummate and constant pleasure to watch your parents take wing and become your providers, educators, coaches and cheerleaders. Over the next several years, it is now your individual responsibilities to take advantage of the opportunities that their hard work has created. I know that when your parents read this message to you they will probably say, “There goes Grandpa Mike, with another lecture.” Call it what you will, but my wish is that each and every one of you, and your children, and your grandchildren will take advantage of the opportunities that this, the great country in which you have been accidentally born, will provide you, now and forever. The American Dream lives on, in you.
Michael H. Gora has been certified by the Board of Specialization of The Florida Bar as a specialist in family and matrimonial law and is a partner with Shapiro Blasi Wasserman & Gora P.A. in Boca Raton. Mr. Gora may be reached at mailto:mhgora@ sbwlawfirm.com.
www.bocaratontribune.com
June 7, 2012 through June 20, 2012