notlikethemovies

Submitted by Kole Kemple

Since I was a kid I’ve been conditioned to love movies. Watching a movie at the end of a busy day was always a rewarding experience, and it is something I still find myself doing today. What I’ve always loved about movies, and just media in general, are the perspectives they can offer.

Coming into college as a first generation student, my contextual knowledge of what to expect was more based on the “Pitch Perfect" series than any family advice. Along with other films, my perception of college was almost entirely built on media. From a young age, I knew that if a college campus did not have a courtyard where people had picnics and played frisbee it wasn’t from me.

I think it was right around Halloween that I hit my mental low. I remember scrolling through my friends’ private stories on snapchat seeing all the new faces in their photos from their college. Each time I would go on instagram I felt myself comparing my college experience to what I perceived to be that of others’. Even though I was comparing my college experience to what I perceived to be that of others’. Even though I was doing well in my classes, felt strong in the friendships I had brought with me from high school, and had no reason to complain, my superficial expectations of college not being met seriously messed with my head. I accredited a big part of why I felt so left out to the fact that I was living off campus. It seemed easier to me to live a typical college lifestyle if everyone else was right there.

Even writing this now, it feels so cliche. In my mind, not yet having made any friendships that were on the level of mine from high school meant that I was not living the true college life. Even though I knew myself, and knew what I enjoyed, the fact that I did not party or go out as much as the randoms from my high school, or characters did in movies made me feel less than. These thoughts, as surface level and unimportant as they may appear, took a lot of self conditioning and work to escape.

It was a late night drive home on 75 when I decided to address the thoughts that had been bothering me for months at that point. In a sort of self-run therapy session, I took the time to reflect on my situation without comparing it. Looking at it with that focus allowed me to recognize the success of my college experience. Through this, I was able to see just how satisfied I was with my college experience thus far, even if it wasn’t the idea of it that I had had before. Feeling the pressure to make the most of your college experience is a pressure a lot of college students face, and sometimes it’s difficult to understand that there is more than one route to meeting those expectations. Comparing what brings me joy in my life to others is something that I still struggle with, and is something that I know requires work to rid myself of. However, as I write this, I am at peace with my experience because I know I still have time to embellish it, and that success is subjective and is not something that is bound to truth by the movies.

Dear my future daughter and to all the young girls who sit in the stands: You are amazing.

But before you go out and conquer this world

There are some things you must know about what it means to be a girl...

Number One:

Your mind will always be circulating the ‘what if’s’ Your thoughts will not leave you alone until the fears and apprehensions that society has sewn

Become all that you know

“What if I let my guard down and the devil wearing the face of a man sneaks in,”

“What if I don't remember to hold my keys in my handGripping them so tightly, I leave prints in my skin

Just in case I have to use them as a weapon”, “What if I get too drunk and they think my NO is ‘eh, maybe go ahead.’”

These what-ifs will consume you until your paranoia knows you better than your best friend

To that extent, I say this:

Be cautious but unafraid

You cannot live your life in fear

Number Two:

The truth about being a girl is that you will never be enough in the eyes of the world

You are not an object, You have a voice and something to say, but you will have to yell just to be heard

They will call you vain

Not realizing that you are what you are because of the magnifying glass held over you day by day

They will scrutinize your choices, and no matter what you do, will say: “you chose wrong”

As if beauty cannot exist unless you check off every check box on their own checklist

Long hair, but not too long, Makeup but not too much, Don't try to be pretty when you’re not Big hips, skinny waist, thigh gaps, slim frame, Oh wait

You should probably eat some more- I can count your ribs, and no one wants to go out with a walking stick

What I'm trying to say is no matter what you do

You are going to make someone somewhere angry

So you might as well be unapologetically you