Difficult Conversations by Bloch Executive Education

Difficult Conversations: How to Step Up and Hold High Stakes Discussions

October 15, 2014 Bloch Executive Hall for Entrepreneurship and Innovation University of Missouri - Kansas City

BLOCH EXECUTIVE EDUCATION OPEN ENROLLMENT 2014

Difficult Conversations: How to Step Up and Hold High Stakes Discussions Wednesday, October 15, 2014 | 9AM – 4PM

Seminar Details Location

Bloch Executive Hall, Room 414 5108 Cherry Street Kansas City, MO 64110

Meals

Breakfast and coffee will be available at the beginning of the event and lunch will be provided at noon. If you have any dietary restrict ions please contact me no later than 10/8 and I will work to accommodate you.

Parking

You will be provided with a parking pass. Please scratch off the month, d ate, and year, and display from your rear view mirror.

Dress Code

Business Casual

What You Will Learn Studies show those who skillfully hold difficult conversations enjoy greater professional success as they seamlessly navigating relationships with executives, managers, direct reports, peers, partners, and clients. In this interactive session, participants will learn how to prepare for and successfully hold difficult conversations with all types of personalities. Those in attendance will work through specific conversation issues they may be facing, observe modeled behaviors, and practice proven techniques for maintaining healthy and productive dialogue. Participants will also learn how to focus on their own behavior during difficult conversations as well as pick up on signals from others who are about to retreat from dialogue or lash out. Key Topics will include:     

Creating a safe environment for conversations to be held The importance of proper body language, tone of voice, and word choice Staying calm under stress Step-by-step techniques for carrying out difficult conversations and getting others to open up Keeping all parties, including ourselves, accountable once difficult conversations have occurred

About the Instructor Mike Allison is an instructor for Bloch Executive Education, and serves as Sr. Director for Catalyst, Cerner Corporation. Mike leads US and global-based teams which provide practical and effective end-to-end learning solutions, translation services and leadership development offerings to associates and clients around the world. Prior to his current role, Allison served as a director, practice manager, and business development manager within Catalyst. Before joining Cerner, Allison was involved in city management for three years, working primarily as a management analyst for the city of Kansas City, Mo. He earned a bachelor’s degree in international relations and a master’s degree in public administration from Brigham Young University.

BLOCH EXECUTIVE EDUCATION Difficult Conversations: How to Step Up and Hold High Stakes Discussions

Mike Allison Bloch Executive Education October 15, 2014 1 http://umkc.edu/executive

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A Tale of Two Leaders

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Mike Allison  Sr. Director over Cerner’s training organization  Oversees employee development efforts and delivers leadership training across the globe  Started at Cerner in 1997 and spent first 3.5 years in the Consulting organization

 Began career in local government and worked out of the city manager’s office in Kansas City, MO for three years  Undergraduate degree in international relations and a master’s degree in public administration  Avid family man, photographer, outdoor lover, disc golfer, and baseball junkie 3 http://umkc.edu/executive

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After two weeks, you tend to remember… 70%

80%

95%

50% 10%

20%

30%

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Part One Are We Acting in a Manner That Allows us to Successfully Hold Difficult Conversations?

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What Makes a Great Leader? ď&#x192;&#x2DC; Write down three characteristics (one per sticky note) you feel are most important in a leader

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Being a World-Class Leader Requires… …a healthy combination of: 

TQ - Technical Quotient



IQ - Intellectual Quotient



EQ - Emotional Intelligence

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Technical Quotient (TQ)  Refers to the depth of competence in

a given field 

Not exclusively “technical” proficiency with computers  May refer to as a strong competency with consulting skills, presentations, doc development, etc.  How does a high technical quotient

(TQ) build your capability and credibility as a leader?

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Intelligence Quotient (IQ)  Capacity for performing intellectual tasks, solving problems  

50 percent of all people have IQ scores between 90 and 110 2.5 percent of all people have IQ scores over 130 o o o o

Leonardo da Vinci - 220 Beethoven and Mozart - 165 Albert Einstein and Quentin Tarantino – 160 Hillary Clinton 140, Bill Clinton 137

 How does a high intelligence quotient (IQ) build your capability

and credibility as a leader?

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Emotional Intelligence (EQ)  A person’s ability to understand his or her own emotions and

the emotions of others and to act appropriately based on this understanding -- Journal of Personality Assessment

 How does having a high level of emotional intelligence build

your capability and credibility as a leader?

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Back to the Sticky Notes…  Place each leadership characteristic on the appropriate flip chart:  TQ (Technical Quotient)  IQ (Intelligence Quotient)  EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

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Emotional Intelligence  It is the sole determinant of professional success that we can actually improve – Washington Post  IQ gets you hired, but EQ (emotional intelligence) gets you promoted – Time magazine

Numerous studies show that people with high EQ tend to be more successful in life than those with lower EQ even if their classical IQ is average 12 http://umkc.edu/executive

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How Are You Perceived?  Think of every interaction you have – with internal/external clients, peers, direct reports, your manager, friends and family  What kind of person are you and how do you want to be viewed?  Are you modeling appropriate behaviors?

 How do people describe your judgment, your knowledge, your behaviors in different situations?

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But how do they really see you?

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Key Components of Emotional Intelligence  Self Awareness  Self Management  Social Awareness  Relationship Management

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Self Awareness  Self awareness means recognizing a feeling as it happens. It is the core of emotional intelligence.  An inability to notice our feelings leaves us at their mercy  Being self aware is not an easy skill to master as emotions often appear in disguise  For all its complexity, self awareness is the most crucial skill • A lack of it makes it impossible to increase emotional intelligence

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Self Awareness

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Self Awareness  How can you grow your self awareness abilities?  Ask those you trust how you come off in certain situations – seek honesty from others, even if it is painful  Go through a DiSC or other personal profile assessment  Listen and watch how others react toward you (body language, tone, etc.)  Film or record yourself  Spot your emotions in books, movies

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Self Management  Self management means being able to regulate one’s emotions and impulses  Your first reaction to an event is always going to be emotional  While you can’t control an initial feeling (emotion), you can control thoughts and reactions following the emotion

 Watch for “trigger events”

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Triggers

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Self Management

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Self Management  Those in a professional setting who are successful with self management skills are:  Comfortable with ambiguity  Calm and composed in stressful settings  Skilled at making well thought out and proper decisions

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Self Management  How can you grow your self management abilities?  Embrace change  Form healthy habits  Breathe!

 Find a confidant/mentor who is not emotionally invested in your problems  Draw on life’s “moments of bliss”

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Social Awareness  Fully grasping your surroundings and recognizing emotions in others as they occur. Socially aware individuals are more:    

Often “invited to the table” Influential and respected Successful in working with cross-functional teams Able to diffuse conflict before it escalates

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Social Awareness

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Social Awareness

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Social Awareness  How can you grow your social awareness abilities?  Understand the culture you find yourself in  Avoid monologues in your mind when others are speaking  Focus on your own eye contact and body language  Watch others to get a good sense of what they are feeling  Greet people by name, smile, and learn about them

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Relationship Management  The art of relationships is, in large parts, skill in managing emotions in others  People, even in a professional setting, gravitate toward engaging, respectful, and empathetic individuals  When combined with a solid IQ, well liked individuals have more opportunity to choose from  Those who build relationships are often able to converse around any topic

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Relationship Management

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Relationship Management  How can you grow your relationship management abilities?  Put people first and take care of constituents  Show empathy  Smile and maintain a “glass half full” mentality  Don’t demand perfection in others  Build trust and let others into your world a bit The secret of a full life is to live and relate to others as if they might not be there tomorrow, as if you might not be there tomorrow Anaïs Nin 30 http://umkc.edu/executive

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But Why Might You Really Care About Emotional Intelligence?

As taken from the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0

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How Can You Further Grow Your Emotional Intelligence?  Review feedback already provided from others (reviews, 360’s, etc.)  Recommended reading: Emotional Intelligence 2.0  Take the assessment and build your EQ development plan  Get a mentor who has high EQ and is well regarded  Check your ego at the door and ask for open and honest feedback

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Part Two The Right Voice and the Right Body Language

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Your Voice

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The Tone of Your Voice Represents 38 Percent of Your Communication  Be clear  Use a best friend voice  Be relaxed and deep  Be confident, not arrogant  Have variety in pitch and pace  Include pauses

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Voice Mirroring  We like people who are like us  Voice mirroring tells the person…  …I know what you are feeling  You can influence someone by being in rapport with them

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Activity: Let’s Talk!  Pair up with a partner  Tell your partner a story about one of your recent trips or a favorite vacation  After two minutes, you will be told to switch to the partner to tell their story

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Your Body Language

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Body Mirroring  If you do not believe in what you are saying, your body will betray you  Tells those you are speaking with that you are “with” them

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Your Body Language Represents 55 Percent of Your Communication    

Maintain eye contact Natural hand gestures Have relaxed posture Avoid distractions (phones, laptops, change, keys, pens)  Beware the fig leaf, hostage, or arms folded positions  “Smalk” (smile while talking) as naturally as possible

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Hand gestures

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Handle tough questions with your body  Lean forward just a bit or stand firm  Have relaxed gestures  Focus on open body language

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Part Three Steps to Navigate Difficult Conversations

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It’s Not About the Nail

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What Makes a Conversation Difficult?  Difference of Opinion  Potential for Emotions to Escalate  A Great Deal at Stake

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Giving it a Go

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Being Persuasive, Not Abrasive, Through STATE Skills  Share the Facts  Tell Your Story

“What” Skills

 Ask for Other’s Path  Talk Tentatively

“How” Skills

 Encourage Testing

- From the book Crucial Conversations

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Why Start with Facts?  “Facts are facts”  Facts do not insult  Facts are more persuasive than “feelings”

 Starting with feelings or stories can easily lead to defensiveness

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Sharing the Facts Activity  Disorganized  Controlling  Disrespectful  Needy  Defensive  Hard to Get Along With  Unreliable  Selfish

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Tell the Story  Facts by themselves do not always paint the full picture  The story articulates why the facts are a concern  It leads be to conclude…  I believe that…  I start to think that…

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Ask for Other’s Path  There are often facts we do not have  Be humble as your assumptions may be inaccurate  How do you see it?  Can you help me better understand?  What’s your view?

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Talk Tentatively  Tell your story as a story, not as a fact

 Avoid absolutes  The fact of the matter is…  The only reasonable option is to…  That’s a dumb idea…  Allow room for other stories to be shared  In my opinion…  I’m wondering if that example applies…  Maybe it would make more sense to… http://umkc.edu/executive

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Talking Tentatively?

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Getting it Right

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Encourage Testing  Sincerely invite different opinions  Make it safe for others to react to your facts/story  If your goal is to compel or control, you will not be successful resolving issues

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Putting It All Together…

 Share the Facts, Tell Your Story, Ask for Other’s Path, Talk Tentatively, Encourage Testing http://umkc.edu/executive

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Role Play One – Peer to Peer  Break into groups of three – two conversers and one coach  Scenario – One of your coworkers continues to miss deadlines that affect your ability to do your job. In the past six months, she has missed four key deliverables that now has your team in a bind. Furthermore, she seems to avoid communicating with you voice-tovoice or face-to-face. She has not returned calls or shown up to meetings.  Practice STATE Skills  Share the Facts  Tell Your Story  Ask for Other’s Path  Talk Tentatively  Encourage Testing http://umkc.edu/executive

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Role Play Two – Manager to Direct Report  Break into groups of three – two conversers and one coach  Scenario – One of your direct reports seems to avoid all but the simplest of tasks. Every time you and the team need him to step up and take something meaningful, stuff happens in his personal life. At first his excuses seemed legitimate, but now you’re almost certain he is simply seeking to get out of doing work.  Practice STATE Skills  Share the Facts  Tell Your Story  Ask for Other’s Path  Talk Tentatively  Encourage Testing http://umkc.edu/executive

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Role Play Three – Direct Report to Leader  Break into groups of three – two conversers and one coach  Scenario – Your manager or executive appears to change your organization’s mission and goals on a quarterly basis. His inconsistent and ever changing communications have confused and demoralized the team. Furthermore when you seek him out to ask for additional clarity, he never seems to be available and does not often return email or calls.  Practice STATE Skills  Share the Facts  Tell Your Story  Ask for Other’s Path  Talk Tentatively  Encourage Testing http://umkc.edu/executive

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Role Play Four – Make it Real  Break into groups of three - two conversers and one coach  Scenario – Think of a real conversation you are avoiding - or a conversation you are holding that is not going well. Role play through how the conversation should be held.

 Practice STATE Skills     

Share the Facts Tell Your Story Ask for Other’s Path Talk Tentatively Encourage Testing

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How Can You Further Grow Your Conversation Skills?  Recommended reading: Crucial Conversations  Know ahead of time how you will act during the moment  Practice, practice, and then practice some more  Seek coaching from someone who seems to easily navigate all types of conversations  Be discreet about sharing employee information

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You Can Do This!

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Remember…  Commit to building your emotional intelligence  Do not run from conversations which need to be held – the situation will not improve by itself  Get in the right frame of mind prior to engaging in a difficult conversation  Ensure the tone of your voice and your body language are where they need to be  Use your STATE skills to navigate – all the while watching your tone, body language, and choice of words 64 http://umkc.edu/executive

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BLOCH EXECUTIVE EDUCATION

What do You Think?

Mike Allison Bloch Executive Education 65 http://umkc.edu/executive

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BLOCH EXECUTIVE EDUCATION Notes ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

Executive Education at Bloch Bloch Executive Education is the executive and leadership development entity within the Henry W. Bloch School of Management at UMKC offering the Executive MBA as well as certificate and seminar programs, executive coaching, and facilitation. Executive Education serves the Kansas City community and beyond as a thought leader, career accelerator and business builder by providing leadership development programs that will provoke thought and challenge perspectives to promote innovative insights and best practices.

About the Bloch School The Henry W. Bloch School of Management is preparing the next generation of 21st century leaders in the for-profit, nonprofit and public sectors, infusing our twin pillars of excellence into the mindset of all Bloch students: entrepreneurship and innovation in the for-profit sector and social entrepreneurship and innovation in the nonprofit sector. Our mission is to develop purposeful, entrepreneurial and innovative leaders to meet changing global demands, and advance knowledge and practice through excellent teaching, scholarship, outreach and service. The Henry W. Bloch Executive Hall for Entrepreneurship & Innovation is built specifically for experiential education (learning by doing) and has mobile, active learning classrooms along with hands-on labs including a behavioral science research lab, finance lab and innovation lab with design simulation and prototyping space so our students can actually put their knowledge into practice every day.

The newly opened Henry W. Bloch Executive Hall for Entrepreneurship & Innovation