Ask Marshay

~SPEAK-OUT With Marshay Dominique~

I hope life is finding you all well as you read these words. My personal goal every month is to share a little something that helps to further each and every one of us in some random, yet poetic way. This month, I’ve created

an acronym exclusive to us inspired by our theme of ending the silence.

1. Silence Kills


I know many of us can relate to muting our true selves out of fear or concern for the responses we would receive if we lived out loud. I wish I knew then the unpleasant truth that I know now which is, whether you follow the guidance of others or notthey will not approve! They’ll talk either way and it will never be favorable to you. Why crave the acceptance of lost souls who haven’t figured their own thing out? I want you to understand that keeping your truth inside is so detrimental to your own health and well-being that I believe it can actually shorten your life. Stress-induced traumas that we don’t face head on always come back to bite us, am I right?

2. Passionate Living


We mentioned living out loud- but what does that really mean? For me, it means the satisfation I feel knowing I heard myself, healed myself and fought for myself every time it was needed. Its called living passionately! You were not put here to silence any version of yourself and your emo<ons. You were created to emit and emote on the way to discovering

yourself in this journey. Express! Don’t be afraid to learn how to control AND express your feelings in a safe and effective manner. Its one of the precious gifts we were all given and for great reason!

3. Explain Nothing


I find that the older I get, the more I fight to release this terrible, old learned behavior of always feeling the need to provide an explanation for why I want what I want. If you tell your boss you’re taking the day off, that is YOUR preroga<ve. I used to waste days deciding what I would say and how I would say it just to get ONE day to myself out of 4 or 5! That same energy carried over into friendships and dating so fast that before I knew it, I was apologizing for saying “no” to people for NO REASON AT ALL! This immediately downgraded my right to opt out and made me feel less than in many situa<ons and was totally unnecessary. Don’t fall into this trap! Be good to yourself and explain NOTHING.
 


4. Ac;on- Oriented Energy


This is perhaps my favorite sec<on of advice. In order to end any silence, you must be prepared to take ac<on at any given moment. It’s always infuriating to hear about something terrible happening to someone and not only were there several people standing around but they had enough mind to start recording yet refused to step in. Be prepared to make people uncomfortable and challenge outdated views, thoughts and belief systems that promote exclusion and even violence against others simply because they’re different. Be prepared to promote change by being viewed as problematic simply because you SPEAK OUT. You’re not alone in making these bold choices and there WILL be times that you feel like it. Trust me, you will find people on your wave eventually because we’re certainly out here!

5. Knowledge Is Very Literally Power


Fear is natural. Fear of the unknown is even more natural. The only way to combat this fear is to educate yourself. What are you afraid of? That party coming up this weekend that none of your friends will be at? Are you afraid of going alone and being seen as a weak, ineffectual loner because you don’t have the vapid support of familiar faces surrounding you? If you’re laughing, this was me at one point in time. I was so afraid to go out and be seen alone. Then I started to study the behaviors of these so-called friends of mine and saw real jealousy and disrespect right in front of me the en<re <me. There’s nothing wrong with wan<ng the genuine support of your tribe but to crave it more than you crave self-growth and reliance can be

toxic. When I educated myself on this topic, I looked forward to going out alone. I turned people down so I could go out alone (of course with safe protocols in place). I realized how much strength it takes to be alone and that can never make you weak!

6. Overachieve!
 I absolutely live and die by the saying, “if you’re going to come in the room, come ALL the way in the room!” Don’t be afraid to set major goals for yourself and try new things! Its really the spice of life and a great way to fight depression naturally: with curiosity. Take whatever you’re good at and be great at it! We still have so much more to experiment/practice as we’re all mostly still at home waiting out the coronavirus pandemic. When you reach that new goal or those new goals, celebrate them OUT LOUD! Post to social media, text everyone you know and brag on yourself because you’re doing it. Be your own biggest fan.

7. Up & Coming


Think of your life as a permanent roller coaster ride. Just as there have been downs, there will be ups again. There HAS to be! Its physics, science… its been realistically proven that this is how life works. Never ever allow yourself to become stuck in a low or lull. I know it can be hard to shake yourself out of so never close your heart to the idea of reaching out to someone to help break this mental pa9ern if you should find yourself in it. It can actually mean life or death to

keep these thoughts and feelings to yourself as self harm can usually stem from these dark moments of negative thinking. I am with you! We’re all with you andyour life is always being written by YOU. You decide whatcomes next!

8. THERAPY

A final thought: as you may have noticed, mystrongest theme has been how important it is to take yourjourney and mental health seriously. This will likely neverchange in any forms of advice I give because its the key toself-improvement. Self-reflec<on! You must be able to takea healthy look at yourself and introspec<on of your life tosee what can be corrected to improve your quality ofliving/being. We may not be able to do that all on our ownso on your path to ending the silence you’ve kept within,

you may need to seek counseling. I advise you to contact your insurance company and also research online for

affordable sessions either virtually or in-person, if

available. Know that you have op<ons and most ofthem ARE within your reach. Please con<nue to loveand respect yourselves and others, as I’ll be doingthe same!

~Eternally & Truly Yours,Marshay

Need Advice? Email your questions about love, life & entanglements to: AskMarshay.BlaqueOut@gmail.com & you might see it answered in an upcoming issue of Blaque/Out Mag!!