BLAIRE June 2015 by Blaire Magazine

JUNE 2015

EMILY EATON EDITOR SARAH LONG CREATIVE DIRECTOR MONICA JANKOWSKI MUSIC DIRECTOR ALECZANDER GAMBOA SUBEDITOR EDITORIAL CONTRUBITIONS: MITCHELL PASCOE SPORT TORY PRICE FASHION TOM BENSLEY LIFE MIA FRANCISCO LIFE YEN LI WONG LIFE ROBERT KAUFMAN LET’S GET WEIRD NICHOLAS IVANOVIC LIFE MICHAEL BURRILL LIFE FEATURING: HOT DUB TIME MACHINE, LAUREN SWAN, JESS PARKES, ALEXANDRA LEDERMAN, ORC APPAREL ENQUIRIES / SUBMISSION / ADVERTISING: SARAH@BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM ABN: 62359130068 WWW.BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM

CONTENTS

6. ONEWAVE 10.

EARTH WARS: MOTHER NATURE STRIKES BACK!

12.

WEED IS LEGAL... ALMOST

15.

MUSIC REVIEWS

16.

HOT DUB TIME MACHINE

20.

COUNTING DEAD WOMEN

24.

PHOTOGRAPHY / JESS PARKES

30.

JAIL TIME

32.

ART / SALTY HIPPIE

37.

LET’S GET WEIRD / THESE DAYS

38.

FASHION / ORC APPAREL

44.

ART / ALEXANDRA LEDERMAN

48.

LINGERIE FOOTBALL

50.

CHEEKY CHAPTERS / MONOGAMY

CHARITY / SARAH LONG

MOST PEOPLE ARE STILL EMBARRASSED TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND AS A RESULT ARE SUFFERING ALONE. WE STILL HAVE SO MUCH MORE WE NEED TO DO TO HELP PEOPLE BEAT THIS.

ONEWAVE OneWave is a non-profit surf community tackling mental health issues with a simple recipe: salt-water, surfing, good mates, and Fluro Friday’s. Since March 2013 every Friday has become Fluro Friday. At 6.30am we dress up in the brightest fluro outfits we can find and surf/swim/do yoga at sunrise to raise awareness for mental health. How it started? After a week partying at the Aus Surf Open three years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar. When I got out of hospital it was surfing with my family and mates that helped me the most. I remember getting this one good wave and it was the first time I had smiled in so long. Sometimes OneWave really is all it takes. The ocean was also the first place I told my friends about having bipolar. The support and understanding they showed me was unreal and I will never forget it. This was the inspiration behind launching OneWave with my good mate Sam Schumacher. SINCE THE LAUNCH OF ONEWAVE, HOW HAVE THE PUBLIC RESPONDED TO IT? WERE YOU OVERWHELMED WITH SUPPORT? We have been absolutely amazed by the amount of legends that have helped us raise awareness for mental health. Fluro Friday started at Bondi Beach two years ago and to celebrate OneWave’s second birthday in March, we had 31 beaches around the world creating a giant fluro wave. It has become an incredible supportive community of people around the world sharing the saltwater, surfing, good people, and Fluro Fridays, to help them get through a funk. The scary thing is though; we are still losing six people every day to suicide in Australia. Most people are still embarrassed to talk about mental health and as a result are suffering alone. We still have so much more we need to do to help people beat this. CAN YOU PLEASE SHARE A SUCCESS STORY WITH US OF A TIME WHEN YOUR TEAM HAS HELPED SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION? Each week at Fluro Friday before we surf, one of the community will share the reasons why they come to Fluro Friday. Some people share personal mental health experience, some will share family mental health experience. One Friday one of the community bravely stood up in front of 70 people and told the most heartbreaking but inspirational story about her personal battle with mental health issues. They said it was on a Thursday night and they went down to the beach and put rocks in their pockets, ready to walk into the sea and take their own life. Then they suddenly stopped and thought, ‘if I can just make it through to Fluro Friday I might be okay’. Knowing they could catch up with their mates at Fluro Friday and openly talk about their struggles gave them hope to keep going. When they spoke at Fluro Friday they said, ‘Fluro Friday saved my life’. WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART ABOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE ON A DAILY BASIS THAT OTHER PEOPLE WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND? The thing with mental health is it’s real and it fucking hurts. It’s the loneliest thing you will ever go through. Try being in your bedroom and you can’t actually leave it, because you can’t face the world. You can’t even go an order a coffee because you feel anxious about talking to the person in the café. You can’t enjoy anything you do, because you feel so damn numb and all this time you pretend to your friends that everything is sweet, because you don’t want them to know you are struggling. A quarter of people suffer from mental health

DRESSING UP IN FUNNY SHIT AND SHARING PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH MENTAL HEALTH CAN TURN STRANGERS INTO FRIENDS IN A MATTER OF MINUTES.

issues, but the scary thing is, that’s only the people we know about. The reality is that everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. We have to start talking about our struggles, so we everyone knows you don’t have to be happy all of the time… it’s okay not to be okay. The only way we are going to beat this is by standing strong together. DO YOU THINK A PERSON’S DIET AND EATING HABITS CAN PLAY A PART IN SOMEONE’S LIFE WHEN DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES? IF SO, WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND? Yeah for sure. I think that eating well can have a big positive impact on your mental health. I have bipolar so I try and cut out sugar and gluten as much as I can. I have found that this helps reduce the anxiety and keeps my mood more balanced. Everyone is different though, so whatever makes you feel good, run with that. WHAT’S THE RADEST OUTFIT YOU’VE SEEN ON SOMEONE SO FAR, WHILE DRESSING UP? It’s pretty hard to beat the full banana suit. Haha that thing is so rad! Oh yeah we did have an astronaut once too, that was epic. It’s really hard to pick one… people go all out! It’s like a full dress up party every Friday morning. HAVE YOU HAD ANY PASSERS-BY SAY OR REACT RANDOMLY TO YOUR AWESOME FRIDAY MORNING TRIBE? Haha where do I start? We get so many different reactions to our Fluro Friday getups. Most people laugh, some just stop in their tracks, some turn the other way because they think we’re mad, but then there’s the people that stop us in the street or out if the surf and ask, ‘what’s with the fluro?’ That’s when we explain that we are dressing up in fluro to let people suffering from mental health issues know they’re not alone and get them out on the ocean so we can surf it out and talk about it. The reactions from these people are the reason why we have got out of bed at sunrise every Friday morning for the last two years. Some people share their personal battles with mental health that they have never told anyone. Some share stories of family and friends that have struggled. Some give you a hug and start crying. Some say ‘hell yeah, I’m coming down next week to join you guys,’ or, ‘I’ve seen you guys dressed in your crazy getup, but I didn’t know it was supporting people with depression.’ It’s crazy and amazing how dressing up in funny shit and sharing personal experiences with mental health can turn strangers into friends in a matter of minutes. Interview with Grant Trebilco Photography: @beaupilgrim / www.facebook.com/beaupilgrimphotofilm

EARTH WARS: MOTHER NATURE STRIKES BACK! We have the technology to control the weather, but have we doomed humanity in the process?

It’s pretty timely that The X-Files is returning to our TV screens next year, considering we now have a very real conspiracy on our hands. For those unfamiliar with the series (seriously? Have you been living under a rock), the show followed the lives of FBI special agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) as they investigate paranormal cases, discovering a massive government conspiracy in the process which affects the fate of everyone on the planet. But what if I told you certain government bodies were really doing something that affects us all right at this very moment? Weather manipulation. It really is something straight out of The X-Files. Whether you believe in global warming or not, the proof is there; Mother Nature is pretty pissed off! England has had record flooding; typhoons in Indonesia have been more frequent, New York has been getting off-season snowing and even in Australia we’ve been getting scorching hot temperatures that are unheard of. Unfortunately, we are all to blame for this; we taking more than Mother Nature can give as we tear down rainforests and pump harmful chemicals into the atmosphere. So how are governments fixing this? By pumping more chemicals into the atmosphere! 10

Since about the 1980s, the US government has been using aircrafts, which spread chemicals – ‘chem trails’ – into the skies in order to make it rain to recover the arctic with ice. Playing God has its consequences though, especially after doing it for 30 years. In 2008 alone, the U.S. poured 49 million tons of methane into the air, which has as much heat as all the carbon dioxide pollution coming from cars, trucks, and planes in the country in a six month period! These ‘manmade clouds’ are actually reducing sunlight all around the world, which disrupts photosynthesis, which plants desperately need to grow and survive. Without direct sunlight, these clouds become a hotbed of mould and fungus, creating all kinds of diseases that float around in our sky. In California, the water has been reported to have higher dosages of aluminium and mould since the late 1970s. This not only causes problems with the people drinking it but also for the plants it’s used on, causing BIG problems for the agriculture industry. We as humans can handle a 6–9 degree Celsius rise or fall in the planetary temperature; crops and plants cannot. Humans need to eat and the governments felt that if they didn’t intervene, the earth would fuck over the 7–9 billion of us on this planet. So in a desperate attempt to

keep the remaining methane gases sealed or at least held in check, they started using chem trails. But it has reached a point now where many fear if we stop spraying, we will immediately go to a ‘hyper-heated’ planet. Great, just great… I’m not just spraying conspiracy bullshit while wearing an aluminium foil hat; the UN have acknowledged that our skies are being polluted with aluminium, barium, lead, arsenic, chromium, cadmium, selenium, and silver. This can cause a whole heap of health problems such as neurological problems, heart damage, eyesight issues, reproduction failures, immune system damage, gastrointestinal disorders, damaged kidney, damaged liver, hormonal problems, and more! Even China, with its massive population, has publicly announced a 500% increase in weather modification plans until 2020. Since 2002, the Eastern superpower has used aircraft, rockets and projectiles carrying dry ice or silver iodide particles to stimulate rainfall, resulting with release of 490 billion tons of rain and saving about (supposedly) $10.4 billion in economic losses. If it’s such a big problem, why doesn’t the media report more on it? It’s because it’s considered a conspiracy created by conspiracy ‘nutters’ who have nothing better to do; the very

same who believe in the existence in aliens and that Elvis and 2pac are still alive. But recent evidence has brought into the spotlight. The time to take action is now, as it could be the greatest planet emergency humanity has ever faced!

Mudler and Dana Scully somehow miraculously save the day before itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s too late. NICHOLAS IVANOVIC

How do we get ourselves out of this pickle? Be informed and inform others about weather modification programs as quickly as possible so that they can be stopped immediately. A new approach is needed where we initiate a more natural solution in order to begin a massive conservation effort. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s our bad that the environment and the ecosystem are suffering, but weather manipulation is only making it worse. So we have two options; stop pumping Mother Nature full of drugs and let her heal the old fashioned way or pray that Special Agents Fox 11

WEED IS LEGAL... WELL, ALMOST It looks like medicinal marijuana could just be around the corner

The Norfolk Island Parliament recently granted the Australian company, AusCann, a license to grow industrial quantities of medicinal cannabis (sativa or sativa based strains, which Norfolk Island apparently possesses the perfect climate for), to be exported to Canada. Though the licensing approval is under review (with Canberra asserting it’s power as self governance on the island is gradually abolished) and a similar project was vetoed by the Federal government’s Territorial Administrator, Gary Hardgrave, in 2014, it wouldn’t be at all startling to see the project go ahead. A recent survey by Palliative Care Australia suggested 67% of the public back legalisation of medicinal cannabis and both major parties support it, in principle. With Greens leader Richard Di Natale’s legalisation bill currently under Senate review, it’s completely conceivable that, assuming they pass the review process, AusCann could soon be servicing the domestic market as well. Whatever the decision on that specific project and the current proposed legislation, with widespread public support, the endorsement of the reactionary cesspool which passes for mainstream Australian politics (including it’s dumbo-eared and brained king, Tone) legalisation 12

of medicinal cannabis seems to be an imminent inevitability. Some weed enthusiasts may be scrubbing their bongs, and which ever other trite stoner stereotypes you can envision (personally I was picturing them twiddling gross dreads and airing out their Bob Marley or Jim Morrison t-shirt) in hopeful of anticipation of such developments acting as a precursor to legalisation of recreational use in the near future. Or at least the implementation of something like California’s shonky system, in which unscrupulous (or accommodating, depending on your view point) doctors openly hand out prescriptions to anyone willing to pay. Personally I’m less optimistic. Much of the chatter about medicinal cannabis in Australia has revolved around terminal or severe illnesses for which cannabis, or medicines derived from it, can be the most effective or only treatment. Cannabis scientifically has a far lower potential for harm than say, heroin or methamphetamine (alcohol also, as I’m sure all you drug-takers have anxiously been waiting for me to point out). In their clamour for change, 420 hobbyists and serious activists alike, are always very keen to highlight this difference. Often I think this eagerness can veer towards depicting weed as some kind of

unique and utterly harmless wonder drug, while unhelpfully further demonising harder drugs. They sometimes even use the simplistic and counter-productive anti-drug rhetoric to which they are opposed when it comes to their substance of choice. Weed is not unique (both heroin and methamphetamines have medical applications of their own) and like most psychoactive substances, can cause undesirable effects. Not only that, but as unfashionable of a sentiment as it may be, some users of the aforementioned hard drug, even with their increased risk factors, manage to do so without succumbing to addiction, death, or an allconsuming blood lust. Whatever the drug, prohibition exacerbates the already present problems and creates new ones. With this in mind, to focus exclusively on cannabis reform seems to tacitly admit you’re mostly just interested in being able to spend a sizeable amount of your time, blazed as fuck, without any potential bother. In my experience, it’s fairly easy to do that already if you have half a brain, and admittedly, the advantage that comes with being middle class and white... I regularly used to walk around in fractal pajamas, smirking and rosy-eyed, with very few problems.

Granted this was back when I still thought of drugs as something cool and subversive, rather than a sometimes delicious, sometimes diabolical (as anyone else who has spent their Sunday morning on public transport, caught in a horrendous confluence of hungover and scattered, worried they might throw up their spine and shit themselves at the same time, can testify). Drugs can sometime be a dull menu of ways to escape from the torrent of disappointments and delusion which some refer to as the “human condition” (a phrase which rather appropriately sounds like a medical complaint). For those still in their psychoactive honeymoon, thinking ‘that’ll never be me’, while wearing some kind of trippy parachute pants – I’ll see you in a couple of years and in the meantime, nobody is impressed, I hope that novelty sized “party” cone piece makes you fucking spew... but I digress... People should be just as concerned by issues such as the cartoonish

hysteria surrounding the ‘ice epidemic’ (something which doesn’t actually exist according to a number of academics) or the way in which the drug war is predominantly waged against minorities and the poor, as they are with the gradual shift in the public perception of cannabis. I’m sure many that enjoy smoking weed would love to walk down the street, savouring a blunt, without having to worry about the constabulary, but frankly the possible life and death equation of an addicts ability (or lack thereof) to access clean needles and medical care seems a lot more pressing to me.

an irrelevance, and prevalent societal attitudes reduced to the fading static of a repudiated failure; crackling reminders of how bad things got. MICHAEL BURRILL

Similarly, being currently unable to go to legal bud shops and pick out strains with wacky names like ‘Ebola gruyere’ or ‘Iranian enriched Uranium’, pales in comparison to the way fluctuations in purity, caused by prohibition, contribute to overdoses. If one is truly interested in addressing the injustice caused by the global drug war, then personal preferences must be recognised as 13

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MUSIC REVIEWS / BRADLEY COWAN

THE GO! TEAM / THE SCENE BETWEEN The Go! Team explodes back into relevancy with the release of their latest album The Scene Between. The great thing about this band is that their sound is completely unique. Although the latest release follows along their same twisted style of clashing sounds, it is on no way a repeat of any of their previous work. A real highlight from the album comes from the track ‘The Scene Between.’ This gem of a track has that distinct, uplifting Go! Team sound, brimming with their usual cheerleaderchant style vocals and futuristic Japanese pop sound. Another stand out song ‘The Art of Getting By’ sounds as though it could almost be sung in a church (maybe when the congregation is all on LSD). If you like to live your life a little differently then perhaps you should consider The Go! Team for your personal soundtrack.

DJANGO DJANGO / BORN UNDER SATURN Django Django’s debut self-titled album released in 2012 provided the soundtrack for a drunken London summer. ‘Life’s a Beach’ played on our iPhone speakers at hazy picnics in the parks of East London. After this summer of Django Django thrashing this band in my eyes was put on a pedestal, making me nervous to listen to anything new for fear it wouldn’t live up to my high expectations. This morning I apprehensively listened to the new release Born Under Saturn and felt immense relief after noticing my foot was tapping along with out my brain prompting it to. The lead track ‘First Light’ has that catchy, synthy sound iconic to Django Django, paired with a repetitive chorus that will be hard to shake from your head. The rest of the album follows suit and although it’s not summer and I’m not in London, I feel like Born Under Saturn could be an anathematic album for Melbourne’s bitter winter.

PALMA VIOLETS / DANGER IN THE CLUB When I heard the boys from Palma Violets were releasing a new album I was surprised. Not because I thought the group had broken up or anything, rather that they hadn’t all died from too much partying. After their first release the South Londoners always looked on the verge of a drug overdose every time they performed. Danger in the Club is the kind of album that would play in a hipster dive bar where the bartenders serve a pretentious attitude with their pints of craft beer. The vocals from lead men Samuel Fryers and Chilli Jession are tainted from a few too many rollie cigarettes but this does nothing but add to the glory of this bands grungy image. Although the boys may have hit the piss pretty hard it seems to have worked for them as Danger in the Club is a stellar release that will make you want to thrash your head of greasy hair along to the music.

MATT AND KIM / NEW GLOW Recently whilst having a beer in Hollywood I received a message from a friend to say that Matt and Kim would be showcasing tracks from the latest release New Glow at a record store just around the corner (only in Hollywood right?). I went along to see this energetic duo attempting to stage dive over the isles of records without smashing the down the shelves or knocking over the neat displays. A definite favorite from the album is ‘Get It’ which has an unusual hip-hop vibe, this is a new direction for a group we are used to hearing alternative poprock hits from. Matt and Kim were so stoked to be playing their new music to a rather enthusiastic crowd and after re-listening to the album I can see just why this beaming pair were so proud. New Glow could be their best collection of music yet.

Almost everyone enjoys a good old dance party. And most people love the older party songs too. So what would happen if you combined both into one night of non-stop beats from 1950 onwards? That’s what DJ Tom Loud decided to do with the Hot Dub Time Machine when he created the time travelling dance party (a seriously epic idea). For those of you who have already partied in this format, you know what a great night it is. For those who don’t it’s highly recommended! We had a few questions for Tom to see how he came up with the idea, and what’s the Time Machine has planned for the future. YOU’RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A TOUR RIGHT NOW, HOW IS IT GOING? It’s going great! I’ve just finished doing Groovin’ the Moo where I was doing a crazy 40 minute festival party set, so I’m looking forward to doing my own shows when I get to play for 2.5 hours with heaps more songs! YOUR SHOWS ARE SELLING OUT, DID YOU EVER EXPECT IT TO BECOME SO POPULAR? It’s actually been a very gradual process. When I first started I didn’t really sellout anywhere, and it took a lot of work and a LOT of gigs (150 last year) for it to happen. But I think Hot Dub appeals to everyone, regardless of age or level of “coolness” if you love music, you’ll enjoy my show… and there’s a lot of music lovers out there! YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE, WHAT MADE YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA? I just found most dance parties a bit boring, and most DJs a bit too obsessed with their credibility. I wanted to make a party that put the emphasis back on dancing and good music. You don’t have to dress up, you don’t have to worry about ‘fitting in,’ just turn up and have a boogie. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU’D LIKE TO DO TO EXPAND YOUR SET? Some cameos by great musicians would be awesome! Someday I want to see Snoop Dogg on the stage in front of me… IS THERE ANYTHING DIFFERENT YOU’D LIKE TO TRY OUT? Nope! I try to make it so that when people come back to Hot Dub, it’s never exactly the same and it’s always better. Rather than make ‘Hot Dub 2,’ I try to constantly evolve and improve. WHAT DECADE DO THE AUDIENCE LOVE THE MOST? It’s hard to say! There is a natural escalation in the night, so the more recent stuff naturally gets a bigger reaction, because everyone has been dancing and drinking for 2 hours! WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ERA? I don’t play favourites. Good music is always being made. I love the Beatles just and much as I love Beyonce. IF YOU COULD LIVE IN ONE MUSICAL YEAR WHAT ONE WOULD IT BE? I guess 1969? Summer of Love and hippy paradise would be cool… WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU THINK WILL DEFINE THIS DECADE (2010 – 2020)? I really think this is a golden age for Australian music. The quality, diversity and popularity of our Electronic Music is really amazing. Artists like Flume, Peking Duk, Hermitude, Alison Wonderland, Hayden James, What So Not, Flight Facilities and Rufus are dominating the planet with interesting, diverse music. It’s an excellent time to be an Australian music lover. 16

HOT DU

UB TIME MACHINE

HOT DUB APPEALS TO EVERYONE, REGARDLESS OF AGE OR LEVEL OF “COOLNESS” IF YOU LOVE MUSIC, YOU’LL ENJOY MY SHOW 17

IT’S THE BEST TO PLAY TO A CROWD OF NEW PEOPLE AND WATCH AS THEY GRADUALLY WORK OUT WHAT I’M DOING AND LOSE THEIR MINDS….

YOUR PODCASTS TEND TO FOCUS ON A CERTAIN GENRE (E.G. HIP HOP, GIRL POWER, ETC.) DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD EVER START FOCUSING ON GENRES FOR A FULL SHOW? No way! Playing one genre is what all the other boring dance parties do! YOU SCRATCH THE MASH-UPS LIVE USING VINYL TURNTABLES; DO YOU THINK YOU’LL EVER SWITCH TO DIGITAL? Well, strictly speaking, all my stuff is very digital. The records control the computer which outputs the video and audio. But yes, I still prefer to control my computers with vinyl. I just love the feel of turntables and records, and I think they add a very organic and fallible aspect to the show that is missing when people use CDs or digital controllers. When I bump the turntable, the music stops, so with all the baffling technology in gigs these days, it’s cool that people can still connect what they are seeing with what they are hearing. WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO PLAY? Give me a stable stage, plenty of lights, a great screen and a fridge full of beer and I’ll play anywhere. WHAT’S THE BEST REACTION YOU’VE HAD TO YOUR SET? The big outdoor festivals are really interesting. Playing at Splendour, Falls or Groovin’ the Moo is really crazy, because people are so ready to go and the energy is crazy! It really looks wild from the stage… WHAT’S THE BEST ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE TO ANYONE COMING TO YOUR SHOW? Wear your dancing (most comfortable) shoes! WHAT’S YOUR ALLTIME FAVOURITE SONG? Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley (via Leonard Cohen) IS THERE SOMEONE WHERE SPECIAL THAT YOU WANT TO BRING YOUR TIME TRAVELLING DANCE PARTY? I want to go and play everywhere. Touring and travelling is really fun! It’s the best to play to a crowd of new people and watch as they gradually work out what I’m doing and lose their minds… WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? I’ve made a little in-road into America after doing Coachella this year, so I’m very excited to play more over there. I also spend about half my year in the UK, so I’ll be in the northern hemisphere from about July – October. There’s also a fun-run in every state of Australia that I’ll be playing, so it’s going to be a busy time! I wouldn’t have it any other way. IF YOU COULD TIME-TRAVEL TO ANY TIME IN THE PAST OR FUTURE WHERE WOULD IT BE AND WHY? I happy to stay right here. I’m having so much fun doing this thing I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. ZOE BRADLEY

COUNTING DEAD WOMEN Violence against women has been a huge topic of discussion lately, due to some comments made by males in positions of power that females should not be alone in public.

Here we go again with the powerful white male deciding what’s best for everybody else. The debate over a woman’s responsibility in preventing a random attack flared up again when (in response to the murder of a 17 year-old girl) Albury Mayor Kevin Mack suggested that if a woman walks home alone at night, it’s an ‘invitation for someone to take advantage of you’. The backlash on social media was monumental. Twitter blew up with accusations against Mack and notable feminist writers Anne Summers and Clementine Ford criticised his position, with Ford calling him a ‘dumbfuck’ in a post on her Facebook page. Mack has since apologised for his remarks and claimed they were a ‘poor choice of words’ but the debate resurrected an argument that refuses to resolve itself. The same vitriol has come up when women are blamed for the way they dress when they go out in public. Government officials suggested that if women wear short skirts or “revealing” clothing, then they’re “asking for it”. Women participated in the SlutWalk to protest the assumption that women should be held accountable for how they present themselves. There’s a reason comments like Mack’s spark so much outrage. It shows how missing the point can be a catastrophic mistake. 20

In a nutshell, Mack’s comment was another instance of victim blaming. The outrage came so quickly (and Mack knew he had to apologise) because victim blaming has been a controversial issue for decades, and has always been decried by civil rights groups (especially feminist and antiracist groups). The term was coined by sociologist William Ryan who believed it was used to justify bigotry and racism. Basically, if you’re in a position of power and a case like the Albury murder comes up, convincing the public that she was partially responsible puts less responsibility on you to do something about it. In the past, government officials have victim-blamed to avoid admitting they can’t always do their jobs properly. It works on a wider scale, too – especially as a business tactic. In Fed Up, the documentary about the obesity epidemic, health experts point out that the government would often blame obesity on the public’s “laziness”. At the same time they were approving relentless advertising from fast food and junk food companies, as well as fatty food options in public schools. Thus, the government reaps the sales benefits and avoids changing the status quo. Victim blaming is manipulation, pure and simple. It’s not just the government doing all the victim blaming, though.

The ongoing sexual assault accusations from 30-plus women against Bill Cosby demonstrate a more insidious form of blaming the victim. It looks like all these women have only recently accused Cosby after 20 years of silence, which has led Cosby-defenders to believe the claims are dubious. Truthfully, these women have been testifying for years but their accusations have been dismissed, in favour of Cosby’s reputation in show business. Refusing to be taken seriously, these women – victims of drug abuse and molestation by a respected TV Dad – have had their victim-status disregarded and are instead blamed for over-reacting or even jumping on the bandwagon of Cosby accusers. In Australia, cases like this recent one in Albury keep on happening. Victim blaming hangs around like a bad aftertaste, tainting the tragedy with unnecessary, lingering bitterness. Just recently a priest of the Catholic Church brought up Jill Meagher’s case, claiming that she could have avoided being killed if she’d been at home, safe and in bed. In March, a woman was stabbed in Sydney’s Parramatta Park while talking on the phone to her husband. In the same month, 17 year-old Masa Vukotic was stabbed in Doncaster Park, Melbourne, while walking home at night. When a statement is released

that suggests the victim is partly responsible for her brutal, random stabbing, the point is missed and any progress toward preventing future attacks slows down. Is it really necessary to launch a verbal assault on a woman after she’s already been pinned down, raped at knifepoint, killed and had her body dumped somewhere and abandoned? What kind of a fucking eulogy is that? The problem with a comment like Kevin Mack’s isn’t just that it’s offensive to women, claiming basically that they’re all damsels in distress who need to be escorted everywhere by muscle-bound herotypes. Blaming the victim actively contributes to the frequency of the crimes. If we blame women for how they dress or where they walk alone, we spread the message to the real criminals that they can keep doing what they’re doing because we’re too busy scolding victims instead of stopping the murders in the first place. We should be promoting self-defense for women instead of suggesting they stay indoors. Rapists should be too scared to abduct women for fear of getting the shit beaten out of them and then thrown

in jail. Mourn the victims, prosecute the criminals. TOM BENSLEY

Let’s play a game. Let’s play a numbers game. Let us count the number of women that have died this year alone as a result of violence. According to Destroy the Joint’s Facebook Page, the death toll is now up to 37 women. Destroy The Joint’s ‘Counting Dead Women’ campaign is faced with the unenviable task of compiling the list of women whose lives have been cut prematurely short due to violence. As of 13 May 2015, this figure stands at a staggering THIRTY SEVEN WOMEN. Of this list, there are definitely some you have heard of – number 17 is Masa Vukotic, a 17-year old schoolgirl stabbed to death while walking in a park near her home in Doncaster; number 30 is Stephanie Scott from Leeton, New

South Wales, murdered barely a week before her wedding day. This is so fucking morbid, why would anyone actually want to compile such a list? It’s because we need to know, and we need to be aware, of the things that are going on around us. To not kid ourselves that the world is a safe place; that there are no monsters lurking around the backyard or in the bedroom. More fun with numbers: one in five Australian women will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. So when the shit hits the fan and the death toll runs up, who can we turn to for support, assistance and protection? Our politicians and policemen, of course! If that was your answer, we’re in even more trouble than I thought. Cause when women start ending up battered and/or dead, the best these leaders can do is to advise women NOT TO WALK OUT ALONE IN PUBLIC and TO BE MORE VIGILANT. Let’s backtrack a little so that more context can be put in the situation. During the investigation into the murder of Masa Vukotic, Homicide squad chief Detective Inspector Mick Hughes pretty much shot himself

in the backside when he made this comment: ‘I suggest to people, particularly females, they shouldn’t be alone in parks … I’m sorry to say that is the case.’ Of course, the good DI later tried to smooth things over by explaining the meaning behind his comments: ‘But if you’re by yourself you need to be aware of your circumstances and take reasonable precautions.’ I think it’s a travesty that we have to do that, we should be able to walk anywhere at any time, but reality says that we can’t. He’s not the only one to spew such self-suffering crap. Kevin Mack, Mayor of Albury in New South Wales landed himself in hot soup when he made these statements after the alleged rape of a 17-year old girl: ‘… I think 6.30 at night, it’s not okay... I always have encouraged women not to walk alone, to have someone with them at all times, because that in itself is an invitation for someone to take advantage of you. It’s a salient reminder to us all not to take what we have for granted, and to make sure we have appropriate safety in place.’ These are surely good examples of what-the-fuck moments which do sometimes occur in our lives. To me, these statements totally trivialise the issue of violence against women. These are almost akin to other statements such as ‘if a women is raped while drunk or affected by drugs she is at least partially responsible’ or ‘women could leave violent relationships if she really wanted to. It’s her fault for staying or not saying no.’ Is society effectively saying that flashing undies at a dude would instinctively make him want to act in a violent manner towards a female and thus our best chances of fighting violence is by omitting all provocation by females? This is victim blaming at its worst. I’m just pissed that in this day and age, this bullshit caveman culture is still so inherent in many walks of society. Little wonder then that 37 women have died so far this year and countless others scarred for life because of assault and rape. We place our lives in the hands of DI Mick Hughes and Kevin Mack – they might 22

be well-meaning but ultimately have completely lost the plot – but are told to do more so that men don’t attack us. Then there are men who deflect the issue altogether by saying that men are also being battered and assaulted but aren’t making such a big hoo-ha out of it. Seriously, these fucktards must have been brought to this earth only to annoy the heck out of us. The issue is this: I am not making excuses for any of my gender with anger issues who are violent against their male partners. I abhor violence in all forms. The main point to remember is that we all have a CHOICE – men can choose not to rape or hurt women; rather than acting out and then blaming it on women for aggravation. And we should really have better male role models in our leaders – those who lead the charge to get to the crux of violence rather than coming up with pithy statements after the fact. We need more people like LieutenantGeneral David Morrison and retired Victoria’s Police Commissioner Ken Lay. Give us more heroes like them and we just might have a chance in fighting this battle. YEN LI WONG

JESS PARKES Hi I am Jess Parkes and I am a freelance photographer based on the Gold Coast. Living and working on the Coast provides me with a diverse range of clients from local surfers and shapers and up-and-coming designers and musicians, to landscape/ seascape imagery for private and commercial use. My current project revolves mainly around the beautiful ocean. I like to capture how the sea makes me feel, more so than how it looks at a quick glance. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m intrigued by tiny details â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the little moments which are easily missed catch and hold my attention and make me feel truly inspired. There is a stillness to photography that suits my hyperactive mind. I tend to have more words to say than there are drops in the ocean, but taking photos is my quiet space. The joy I get from shooting is the inspiration I need to always keep moving, to get up at dawn and go into the wild, or go to the sea. It enables me to live my most fulfilling life, to go out and explore and adventure, meet new amazing friends, share in their moments and stories and fill my days with copious amounts of pure happiness. Someone once told me not grow so used to my surroundings that I forget to look up and realise their beauty. I suppose put simply, my photos are the little moments when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve remembered to look up. jparkesphotography@hotmail.com Instagram: @jessparkesphotography

JAIL TIME Tough times are going down in Prison town. Jails are bursting at the seams with an overload of inmates. Should we be re-thinking the whole judical system?

Recently, I decided to nerd out and went to watch a talk by author, James Patterson. He’s responsible for some of the best crime novels of his time and he’s made his place as one of my favourite authors. Watching the talk and listening to him describe his work made me think about the reality of crime. It made me realise that I don’t ever think about crime as a reality. You know, I don’t think many of us do unless we’ve been involved in some way. When I think about crime and punishment in Australia, I don’t ever really tend to think about what happens once someone is sentenced to prison time. You don’t think about what they do daily, what they eat, how they get along. Hell, most people don’t even think about the fact that their own hard work and wages go towards keeping people locked up. We don’t even think about what would happen if there were too many criminals and not enough room in our jails. So let’s think about it now. At last count, Australian jails were home to over 33,000 inmates, both male and female. Our prisons are currently overcrowded and bursting at the seams with more and more inmates entering every year. So why isn’t this an issue that is getting more notice and why isn’t the justice 30

system doing something to fix the problem? Clearly, something needs to happen.

under. But I don’t think the justice system is doing enough when it comes to rehabilitation.

The Bureau of Statistics recorded our prison population as 33,791 people (as per information collected December 2014). Per 100,000 people, 186 of them are incarcerated. The numbers have increased by a whopping 10% from the previous year. And the numbers have been on a constant increase. These numbers might not seem too bad, considering that our population is at about 21 million. But when compared to the rest of the world, Australia does quite poorly in the ranks.

Three in five prisoners (59%) had served a sentence in an adult prison prior to the current sentence. The system isn’t working if it doesn’t deter criminals from re-offending. I spoke to a friend recently who knew a guy (let’s call him Frank) who was a heroin addict. Addiction is a whole different argument but let’s use the example for now. Frank used everything he could to get his next score. He went so far as to sell his own father’s tool kit (which he needed to make a living) to get it.

It’s not difficult to address the increase and notice that the numbers must be climbing because not nearly as many people are leaving every day as there are coming in. Makes sense right? What doesn’t make sense though, is why the numbers continue to rise even though this is something that has been happening for the last 10 years.

He kept getting caught and admitted to others that he enjoyed being in prison more than he did being out. Sorry what?

I agree that these people shouldn’t have a right to walk around freely when they’ve decided that they are above the law. I agree that prison is the only option for people who intend to harm others. I agree that anyone who takes another persons life, shouldn’t be allowed to live freely whilst their victim is lying six feet

The second most common reason for jail time is illicit drug offences. Sorry what? I’ve got an idea. Maybe not a popular one. Maybe not one you’ll agree with. Here’s what I think. Why doesn’t the justice system focus more on rehabilitation rather than incarceration as the solution? Yes, these people need to be kept away from society. That makes sense. Yes, these people need to be taught that what they are doing is not acceptable. That makes sense. But

if a criminal feels more at home in a prison rather than out in society, how can that possible be doing anything positive. How can that be educating and changing the minds and behaviours of inmates? It is not a solution to the problem. Why don’t we take an example from the Norwegians? Norway has one of the most successful prison systems in place. Only 75 out of every 100,000 people are incarcerated. The percentage of returning inmates is only 20%. 20% compared to our 59%. The system focuses on rehabilitating people and keeping them from re-offending. These inmates get the royal treatment though. I don’t know how I feel about that but the set-up works. They get comfortable spaces, activities, monetary incentives to leave their rooms, education and even 24 hour visitation periods to name a few. The environment, whilst less restrictive and a complete contrast from the typical grey and bars type one we’re used to, does

the job it is supposed to be doing. It’s working. There’s evidence to prove that! Something is clearly making a difference. I’m no justice system expert and I don’t pretend to be one. You don’t have to be one though to see that we could be doing a lot better as a country when it comes to the way we treat crime and the way punishment is dealt to criminals. Less focus on getting people in jail and more focus on rehabilitation is key. We have people who continue to commit crimes because the system we have in place does not deter them or teach them that their actions are wrong. Are Hoidel, Norway’s Halden Prison Director puts it simply, ‘Do you want people who are angry – or people who are rehabilitated?’ I reckon more of the latter ones please. MONICA JANKOWSKI 31

SALTY HIPPIE

My name is Lauren Swan, also known as ‘Salty Hippie’ mostly because of my dislike of wearing shoes and brushing my hair. I am 26 years old and an artist living in Sydney. Most of the time my life consists of staying up too late watching cartoons, taking too many naps and drinking too much chocolate soy milk. In between my cartoons and my naptime I like to paint. I started painting when I was in school. I was pretty terrible academically and failed miserably at every subject. Socially awkward and super shy, I was your typical weirdo loner (boo) and for me painting was a great escape. I draw and paint with Posca pens on things like guitars, ukuleles, sculptures, anything that could look rad with a bit of colour on it. I mostly paint musical instruments because it gives me warm fuzzies when I get to see an instrument I painted making music. It’s art and music all at once so for me it’s my two favourite things combined. My art is a bamboozley mix of little details, bright colours, trippy patterns and imagery inspired by the ocean, nature and animals. Right now my art is taking me places I couldn’t have thought possible, I’m meeting inspiring people, painting for incredible musicians. It’s all a bit surreal. I don’t feel like a loner anymore, I’m still weird, but I like that, I like being weird, I think we should all love our weirdness. If you want to follow me on Instagram @salty_hippie that’d be cool. If you have any enquiries about my art you can email me at saltyhippieart@gmail.com that’d be cool too. Peace. 32

LET’S GET WEIRD / ROBERT A. KAUFMAN

THESE DAYS

The most important line in poetry these days is the poet’s bio Because if you read the poet’s published X, won Y, and teaches at Z, Then you tell yourself, ‘Ah, I’m just not sufficiently brilliant to understand this shit.’ Sans lucidity, diction’s veracity dissipates. Yeah, look, it’s cool to use big words these days that you read once In that paperback you skimmed, drunk, on the Uptown 4-5-6, then figure You are the literary Jesus Christ who hath been blessed with the art of resurrection, but If they are not understood, words are empty signs. There’s a reason nobody gives a shit about poetry these days. It’s because too many published poems lack punctuation or verbs And begin with ampersands, as if that is some highbrow shit. The most important line in poetry should be the line that connects the poem to you. And there are fewer and fewer of those lines these days.

FASHION / TORY PRICE

ORC OFFERS A CLEAN-CUT ALTERNATIVE WHILE STILL RECOGNISING THE SURF COMMUNITY

ORC Apparel is a boutique clothing line based out of Melbourne. ORC provides people with a clean-cut look that is associated with Australian urban surf culture, in original and genuine quality apparel. We had a chat to the man behind ORC, Oliver, to find out how they maintain their freshness and what’s coming next from this fresh label. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT DOES ORC STAND FOR? IS IT A TRIBUTE TO KILLER WHALES EVERYWHERE (FOR THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW THEY ARE CALLED ORCA)? It’s funny you say that. I was tossing up the idea of a clothing brand for a while and a few names to go with it. I finally decided to go with ORC because it has a subtle relevance to the ocean through orcas, but also because they are conveniently my initials. SEEING AS YOU RUN A SURF LABEL PRETTY MUCH NAMED AFTER KILLER WHALES, HERE IS SOME WHALE TRIVIA TO TEST YOU: OF ALL THE FREE WILLY MOVIES, WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVOURITE AND WHY? The first one by far, who doesn’t love an original? But saying that I did enjoy all of them. After all who doesn’t like a free willy? IN FRANCE IN 1970 WHEN A WHALE WASHED ASHORE DEAD THEY DECIDED TO BLOW IT UP INTO TINY PIECES SO THAT ALL THE FISH COULD EAT IT. IS THERE ANYONE WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO THIS TOO? Haha, I’m a pretty chilled out guy but if it was pumping down at my favorite break and the same guy kept dropping in on me that might tip me over the edge. DO YOU THINK THE BEACHED AZ WHALE BEACHED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE WANTED TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE SEAGULL OR BECAUSE HE WAS TIRED OF SWIMMING? He definitely wanted to make new friends with the seagull, or maybe he just wanted to see how the other half live – the grass is always greener, and all that... YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF! YOU DESCRIBE YOUR GEAR AS FRESH. HOW SO? We like to refer to our gear as fresh because the designs are clean and crisp and made for people like myself. I believe less is more and when it comes to designing a tee – if we keep it to a simple and clean design it is easier to make sure that our products suit a wide range of customers. It’s more versatile for people and I’m not a fan of any massive prints that take over my tee so that’s why we like to keep it simple.

WHO WORKS WITH YOU TO COME UP WITH THE DESIGNS? The main person that I work with on my designs is a hip-hop artist that goes by the name 10YRWAR. He’s been a huge mentor for me as a person and as well as being the biggest support in getting ORC up and running. I couldn’t have done it without him. Once myself and 10YRWAR have got together a few ideas for our next designs, we get them looked at by the boys at Raw Island Co. just to get their opinion on a few things. I’m also one of six boys in my family and we’re all keen surfers, so they’re always up for a chat about the designs. After the design process is done, and we have a good idea of what we want to produce, I give all the specs to my graphic designer Kade Taylor who takes it from an idea to the finished product. FROM DESIGNING TO DISTRIBUTING, EVERYTHING THAT ORC DOES HAPPENS IN MELBOURNE. WHY ARE YOU KEEPING IT LOCAL? Melbourne was definitely the birthplace of ORC, but in order to broaden the horizon for ORC and experience a new market I have moved up to Sydney for the year to find new inspiration and really try to understand surf culture outside of Melbourne. So the design and distribution process is currently both Sydney and Melbourne. Working between two states is difficult at times but I feel that immersing myself and the business in the new coastal environment will pay off. The warmer water and being five minutes from the beach in Sydney is a little different from the road trips down the coast with mates and squeezing into a steamer all year round. It’s just part of our journey into trying to partner streetwear with Australian surf culture. FASHION IS TOUGH, EVERYONE IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE NEW THING, HOW DO YOU KEEP IT EXCITING? I feel that working with interesting and talented people like 10YRWAR, the Raw Island Co. boys and Kade Taylor helps me to keep things fresh and appealing to the market. It is often harder to come up with one clean and simple design than it is to create a tee that is completely covered in print. By bouncing ideas around with the boys, it helps to make sure that we’re creating something new and exciting every time. WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE ORC? I’m currently in my last semester of a Commerce Marketing degree. Like every other university student I had a couple of jobs working in retail and working in a bar. It’s sort of a rite of passage while just enjoying being a student! HOW DID YOU GO FROM THAT TO HAVING YOUR OWN LABEL? My two major passions in life are surfing and clothing. I have always enjoyed the idea of creating an image that people associate with a particular culture. Having these things eat away at me while sitting in lecture theaters, really got to me. I wanted to be out there doing something that I loved and I had this idea of starting my own label but didn’t quite know how. This is where hanging out with other creative people like 10YRWAR really affected me. Watching his musical journey with the ups and downs and his progression from when I first met him to now was phenomenal. Being surrounded by people like this really gives you confidence to jump into the deep end and give it a crack. HOW DOES THAT INFLUENCE WHAT YOU DO WITH ORC? The ocean has been a huge part of my life growing up and I feel it has had a big impact on who I am today – so I see it as only fitting that I try to incorporate my other passions into my love for surf culture. I’ve always been a huge surfer but never one to wear any of the big brands and I feel a lot of surfers out there are in the same boat. There are loads of surfers out there who don’t want to obviously associate with the big surf brands when they’re out on the street. ORC offers a clean-cut alternative while still recognising the surf community. 40

HAVING THESE THINGS EAT AWAY AT ME WHILE SITTING IN LECTURE THEATERS REALLY GOT TO ME. I WANTED TO BE OUT THERE DOING SOMETHING THAT I LOVED AND I HAD THIS IDEA OF STARTING MY OWN LABEL BUT DIDN’T QUITE KNOW HOW. 41

IN 2009 A PAIR OF NORWEGIANS MOVED TO THE ARTIC CIRCLE FOR 9 MONTHS SURFING AND COLLECTING TRASH THAT WASHED UP TO USE FOR ALL OF THEIR NON-SURFING SURVIVAL NEEDS, INCLUDING BUILDING A HOUSE TO LIVE IN. TO ME IT SOUNDS RAD! DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME? This sounds like so much fun! Let’s hold off until I start producing big snow jackets to keep us warm. I RECENTLY SAW SURF’S UP WHICH IS ABOUT A PENGUIN WHO DREAMS OF MAKING IT AS A PROFESSIONAL SURFER. I DIDN’T KNOW PENGUINS COULD SURF, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE? Haha, I have never seen one actually surfing but if you head down to Phillip Island there’s this right hand point break that’s tucked under the cliff near the Penguin Parade where you’ll see stacks. It’s pretty sharky and the wave is pretty average but when it’s on it’s heaps of fun. ON A SERIOUS NOTE, THAT LITTLE PENGUIN WAS CHASING HIS DREAMS EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE TOLD HIM HE WAS A LITTLE LOCO, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH NEGATIVE VIBES? Negative vibes are just part of doing something new. Everyone has an opinion and I feel that some of the best things for ORC have come from a few negative comments at the start. I tend to take it with a grain of salt but sometimes there is good feedback in it as well, so occasionally you have to sift though it without getting too caught up in it to really make the most of it. KELLY SLATER PLAYED HIMSELF IN PENGUIN FORM IN THE MOVIE WHICH I THINK IS VERY FITTING, WHAT ANIMAL DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD BE IN A MOVIE? I asked my girlfriend what she thought and she suggested that I remind her of the turtle, Crush, from the East Australian Current on Finding Nemo. I watched a clip and I agree with her – ‘Fin, Noggin, Duuuude.’ ANY LAST WORDS FOR OUR HUMAN AND PENGUIN READERS? I’d just like to thank the team behind ORC, and Blaire Magazine for producing a mag that I enjoy to read. To anyone out there who has an idea that falls a little outside the normal 9-5 work day, don’t hesitate to jump in and give it a crack. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

WWW.ORCAPPAREL.COM 42

ALEXANDRA LEDERMAN It was a Saturday, about two years ago. I was sitting in a small gallery in Sydney, which I was then supervising. I had a glass of water and some napkins on my desk, and without really thinking, I drew around the glass onto the napkin and began to mindlessly ‘doodle’. A friend of mine happened to see an image of my little creation and commented, ‘I want this’. For some reason, this random comment, on this day, started my addiction to creating a series of imaginative, subconscious ‘worlds’. Simply through a process, which began with the painting of a circle. Circles became my controlled starting point from which a painting would develop, allowing me to then work from my subconscious mind. I began to see circles everywhere! Other people began associating circles with me. On one occasion I received a photo of a wheel of cheese in the supermarket from a friend who thought of me when they saw this! My main influences during my studies of art theory predominately consisted of Surrealism and the Surrealists’ use of common, recognizable images. These images were placed into bizarre and unexpected compositions, forcing the eye to read and make personal interpretations of each piece. My work at this current point in time has shifted once again. I have taken a break from circle focused works, and am now focusing on landscape painting. I am particularly looking at roads and highways, and the sense of movement associated with those images. Long exposure photographs have been great inspiration. As with my previous work, I am looking to combine elements of the real, and the surreal, to invite thought and questions from my audience. facebook.com/alexandraledermanart 44

Instagram: @alexandr___a

alexandralederman.com

LINGERIE FOOTBALL American Lingerie Football is now a thing. Is baring their bodies the only way that women can break into this male-dominated industry?

Before we begin, the Lingerie League and the Legends League is the same thing. I feel like this is an important point, because the way in which we refer to this league will sell a different connotation. The exact reason why the name was changed boils down to the competition not being taken seriously enough. The Lingerie League is a few teams of nameless beauties running around and several people notice there’s a scoreboard. The Legends League keeps score, has a ladder and the girls play for glory. So audience, you’ve just got to decide what you are looking to watch. Personally, I could respect or condemn their decision to play their chosen sport in their underwear. I’m hoping this article will help me decide. Women’s sport is looked down upon. It’s a simple fact that the majority of sports are a much more visually appealing spectacle when they are played with the speed and power that male athletes often bring to the field. This fact is reflected in broadcasting, sponsorship and attendance figures. So why shouldn’t women use the assets they have been given to win over a portion of the public’s interest? The Lingerie League has become 48

a commercial hit, with exhibition matches selling out around the world, and many of these athletes scoring the success they could only have dreamed about. Any entrepreneur would be proud of the ingenuity on display. The change to the Legends League is a natural progression, part of a preconceived plan to now mold the audience into the type of fan the girls wanted at the beginning. The type that will choose a side, cheer a victory and talk about a certain play, rather than a player’s rear. Before we know it, new laws will require competitors to wear short shorts, which over the years could lengthen and eventually, resemble the coverage which male athletes are afforded. These current girls are forging the path for future generations, who choose to show their athletic talents to the world. But then there’s the pessimist half of me which looks beyond the girls and any dreams they may have, and sees the big wig who saw this as his opportunity to cash in. The Lingerie League was formed as a male’s fantasy, and any evolution was purely coincidental. Girls who look up to these women are shown that if you want to hit the big time, you most

definitely can, but you’re not doing it with your pants on. The concept of feminism has so many great points, and equal rights is what everyone should be striving for, but at what cost are we willing to pay for it? Maybe it’s just the world we live in; it’s not perfect and is never going to be. I want to lean toward the optimistic view and say that this is all one big elaborate ruse to ‘fool’ the world into supporting these women and their ambitions. But what if fans don’t make the connection with the Legends League and females in underwear? What if support crumbles as the clothes are slowly added to the mix? Is this competition strong enough to bypass this roadblock, or will the whole system revert back to its tried and tested method of watching men play instead? That is an awful risk to place on a majority shallow, male audience; who first attended to witness the gimmick. These guys could just as easily save themselves the price of admission and surf the web for their fix of human flesh. So whilst the name may change, the mold is going to be a very tough opponent to break. These girls could very likely become

victims of their own success. The Lingerie League quite possibly exceeded all expectations and has actually attracted a quality of sport which was unanticipated in the original blueprint. So now we need reasons to keep the masses attending.

competitive sport carving it out its own niche. Not the obnoxious drunk who ‘told you so’. MITCHELL PASCOE

Team rivalries, memorable characters and an unfiltered passion for the sport would be very solid building blocks for any growing franchise. I’m not wishing injury on anyone, but we have to know that this is not just a hit-and-giggle game. People will lose sleep, and losers will hurt over any bad result. That will spark an interest. So have I convinced myself either way? Probably not. In a few years’ time hopefully I am able to be one of those know-it-all’s down at the pub who proclaims he saw this

CHEEKY CHAPTERS / SARAH LONG

MONOGAMY What if you found your pot of gold, but it was empty? Would you feel ripped off?

What would you do if you met Mr. Right who ticked your boxes in more ways than one? Someone who understood your weird as fuck humour, enjoyed your ‘creative cooking’, even your clumsiness in life. And yet he still managed to think you were some magical gift from God. You’d think you would have hit the pot of gold. After all, we’re all constantly following that monotonous, never-ending rainbow in which we’re crossing all our fingers and toes that some sexy babe is waiting at the end to feed us some tasty chocolate, gold coins… When that happens, we inhale all of it super quick, unless of course the pot of gold comes with terms and conditions. Then we start to choke. It’s something that starts with M and ends with Y ( and I’m not talking about money) not sure? Read on… My beautiful (and I’m not just saying this because she’s a mate) friend Penny is honestly a Godsend to men. She’s cool as fuck, super intelligent and has the best sense of humour that someone could ask for. She’s been on the market for some time now, but not really fishing around for any sort of catch! Basically, the city that we live in doesn’t really supply fish of the day. In fact, some are those spikey puffer fish, which look cute and innocent, until they 50

get so big-headed that we need to pop them. And some can be like those little sardines – smelly and enjoying fornicating a little too much. As fishermen, we spend more time socialising and drinking at the pub, rather than dabbling around in waters, trying to find something worth our while. Well Penny found her catch of the day, which soon became the catch of the month, moving into catch of a few months before her very own eyes. Their first date was a disaster. She dropped a tub of salt into the cooked pumpkin. In hope to savor the moment, she threw the pumpkin in the oven and prayed that a chemical reaction would occur where the salt would crystalized… it definitely wasn’t a thing. She then tried to feed it to him, which also definitely was not a thing. Once it reached 9.30pm and they were starved, she decided to drive them to the closest McDonalds (45 minutes away) to attempt at pulling a last few strings to salvage the perfect date. It was far from perfect, but pretty damn funny. From that moment onwards they were pretty much immersed in each other’s bits, company and time. It flowed into a breezy few months with us constantly questioning the title of their situation, and her constantly reminding us that she didn’t know,

followed by a cute, smitten smile. We all knew what that meant. One night when they were getting kinky, doing the old hanky panky, with the birds and the bees, they climaxed in a sexual kind of way. It was hot. She rolled over into his arms and stared into his eyes. He followed her romantic gesture with something that didn’t really complement the moment. ‘Penny there’s something that I have been meaning to chat to you about. I have really enjoyed hanging out with you. You’re so much fun. I really like you, but I just want to let you know that I don’t believe in monogamy.’ He stated, while staring deeply back into her eyes. ‘Ah, hang on. What are you trying to say? I don’t get it.’ Penny responded, now looking over at the coat hanger behind him, questioning whether she should use it to stab his eye. ‘I believe in having really strong connections with different people throughout my life. But I don’t believe that you need to share that connection with one person your entire life.’ He responded. She laid there, kind of just staring into a big black hole of confusion, which began to spiral out of control pretty bloody quickly. She had nothing to

say, only words to marinate on – which weren’t really fun words. She rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning he reiterated what he said, in a round-about kind of way. He explained that his connection was currently with her and was offended when she called him ‘pal’. Apparently they weren’t pals, rather really strong connections instead – like Lego blocks super glued or something. Much has been discussed since, mainly as to whether she can accept his liberated, free-spirit (willy) ways and how she’s going to protect herself from getting hurt, but mainly whether she should tame that white elephant in the room and just ride this one out. She’s chatted with myself and other friends. I’ve decided to palm this one off to a bunch of normal, young blokes, just to see what their perspective on monogamy is… PERSON 1 What is monogamy? Isn’t that where you stay committed to one person for a really long time? Or

when you get married or something?

PERSON 2

Yes. Do you agree with monogamy?

Can you sum up Monogamy in a sentence?

I’ve never thought too much about it. If the right bird comes along, then I won’t really want to be with anyone else. What are the three most important qualities in a relationship? There needs to be trust, you have to be open with each other and respect one another. You also need to make sure you don’t spend heaps of time together, ‘cause then you just get annoyed with each other. Have you ever cheated? I haven’t been tied up long enough to cheat. I don’t think cheating is normal, but if you’re going to do it, then why be with that person. Unless the other chick is a super model or something. Isn’t that a hallpass? Would you be with someone who doesn’t/does believe in Monogamy? Yeah probably, but if you have kids with them (and I think I want some) then it would be weird being with a woman who is a mother, who sleeps with other dudes. Gross.

Committed to the love of your life? That was so fucking corny. Can you see yourself getting married? Sure, but not for a while. I still have to slay a few dragons before I make my way to the princess. Do you think marriage is an important part of commitment in present days? Yeah. It’s an important part of growth in a relationship. And who wouldn’t love suiting up in a sick get-up and getting drunk with everyone that you love. What do you look for in a relationship? Besides someone who my dick thinks is a babe, someone who I get along with and can go and do fun shit with. Someone who laughs at all my lame jokes. If you were to try and convince someone of your view, what would you say?

If you don’t like it then take a hike – in the nicest way possible. You need to be with someone who has the same values as you. Otherwise it’s just not going to work. PERSON 3 What commitments do you make to someone to consider yourself in a relationship? Faithful, and being open about the relationship that you’re currently in. Meeting the family, getting amongst their personal life. Getting to know that person on a deeper level. What do you consider cheating? Kissing. Do you think that marriage is outdated? No. It’s not as common, and more acceptable to not be married these days, but its still a nice thing that holds a lot of value. How many times is it okay to get married? There’s no right or wrong answer, but if you’re re-marrying regularly then you need to reconsider what marriage entails.

and salty, like bacon and maple syrup. Get my drift? So much better when you’re together. Do you think people would be fulfilled living a liberated life? Liberated as in loads of sex? Yeah and nah. It has it’s used-by date. No old man can have the option of being liberated unless he’s paying for the robot sex, or he’s Hugh Heffner. Can you please sum up a relationship in a few words for me? Love, sex, loads of weeeeed… ha nah, probably like peace, love, unity, respect. Wait, that’s a song. Ah fuck it. Have you ever been in an open relationship? Not officially. But do you officialise an open relationship? Or do you just sleep with each other knowing that you’re not together, so you have the ‘get out of jail free’ card when sleeping with other people? This is a hard question. My head hurts. PERSON 5 How many serious relationships have you been in? Too many. I’m James Bond.

Would you happily live a nonmonogamous life?

Have you been a loyal partner in all your relationships? If not, why?

No I wouldn’t. It’s something that you can do for a while, but the grass is greener on the other side. It’s good to have fun while you’re young, but there’s a time and place for everything in your life.

Most! Some of them were fading and we both knew it was coming – well we knew it was coming when we were swapping saliva with other people.

PERSON 4

When you’re young it’s all a bit different, unless of course you genuinely love the chick. But you move out of that and you actually want to be with someone who you will spend the rest of your life with. No cheating.

If you had to choose, would you have awesome sex with one person for the rest of your life or average sex with heaps of people? Victoria secret models all my life. Ha nah, jokes… probably one amazing chicky for the rest of my life. Fuck one-night stands, they’re overrated and sometimes boring. What does love mean to you? Love is like sugar and spice, like sweet 52

If you were to marry someone, do you believe that you’ll never cheat on them?

What do you consider cheating? Umm fuck… even SnapChat kinky photos can be considered cheating these days. I wouldn’t want my chick receiving cock shots and think it’s okay. I have a delicious cock anyway,

so that would never happen. Would you consider paid sex cheating? Yes. I do. I have never paid for it, never will, and don’t need to. I get my fine options of A-Grade poonini whenever I like. After spending some time with these males, their general consensus was practically the same. Marriage is still considered to be the norm and cheating within marriage isn’t a thing, unless of course you’re just not meant to be with each other. I believe that it is a very debatable topic, however one thing I can draw from my casual, yet fruitful questionnaire was that you do need to find someone who has the same values as you. Someone who you can trust in make the same decisions as you for the better of the relationship that you have. If you want many connections with many people, then make sure that you find people who feel the same way as you, otherwise you may wind yourself up labeled as the ‘selfish arsehole’ who wants bake their cake and eat it too. But if you’re open, honest and the other person consents to whatever you decide on choosing in life, then may the world be your tasty little oyster. Or should I say, may the world provide you with many tasty little oysters. Ciao xx

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