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Capital News Thursday, April 19, 2012 A13



No one deserves to be abused Violence from A12 only because of the discomfort or inconvenience this has caused them personally, not because of the pain or fear they have caused others • Believes he is entitled to, or deserving of, special privileges and special treatment and has a right to rest, relaxation, “toys,” vacations, freedom from responsibility or consequences and to subservient and unquestioning obedience and compliance with his demands or expectations. He may expect constant attention, admiration, unlimited praise and acknowledgement and an on-going focus on not only meeting but anticipating his needs and wishes. • Believes he is superior and that his choices, behaviours, opinions, ideas and contributions are of more value than those of others. • Believes he is justified in being rude, dishonest, abusive if his expectations are not met • Attempts to isolate partner from family, friends, work i.e. complains about and puts down family or friends, resents time spent and makes partner “pay” for spending time with them • Is a good manipulator, using charm to get what he wants • Is unpredictable and keeps changing the rules i.e. something that is no problem one day may be the cause of intense anger the next • Has swift and unwarranted mood changes and an explosive temper • Uses threats and intimidation to ensure compliance or otherwise get what he wants • Often has a history of

family abuse and unhealthy relationships, estrangement from family • Is evasive about his past • Uses sarcasm to put others down • May be dishonest about his present financial, relationship, employment, health, living, or other, situation, i.e. says he is separated while still living with a partner, or wealthy when he has financial difficulties • May have some criminal history • May have issues around use of alcohol or substances. Trust your instincts and pay attention to the signs. Don’t make excuses for abusive partners and don’t accept their excuses for behaving badly. Initially they will almost always be on their best behaviour with you but how they treat others will be how they treat you later. If they are angry, resentful, blaming, vindictive, dishonest and hurtful toward others, that is what you can expect from them once you are committed to the relationship. Don’t go into it thinking that if you love them enough, they will change. Make decisions based on how things are, not how you hope they will be one day. If you feel anxious, afraid or put-down in the relationship, don’t stay. Don’t accept their blame. It’s not your fault. And take time to really get to know them before you commit. Believe that you deserve to be treated well. No one deserves to be abused.

UNITED WAY & OUR COMMUNITY PARTNER CHARITIES need your help for Spring Fundraising and Awareness events!



CAPITAL ONE RACE FOR KIDS MAY 26 | 250.762.3989 #107

HIKE FOR HOSPICE MAY 6 | 250.763.5511

SENIORS SAFETY FAIR JUNE 13 | 250.861.6180

If your non-profit organization has a project, or your organization is interested in volunteering for a Day of Caring, please contact Avril Paice at 250.860.2356

or email

Receive e-matches and get involved. Individuals create volunteer profiles. Organizations create volunteer opportunities. Go to, click ‘Volunteer Opportunities Search’ or call Dawn at 250-763-8008 ext 25.


Of the Central and South Okanagan Similkameen

Laura Banman is the staffing and programs manager for the Kelowna Women’s Shelter.

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Kelowna Capital News, April 19, 2012  

April 19, 2012 edition of the Kelowna Capital News