Free Love-ism Or Taboo?

Pre-Marital Sex

Sex. A three-letter word is so powerful in its own way. ‘Taboo’, ‘explicit’, ‘vulgar’, ‘fun’, ‘exciting’, ‘intimate’, and many more. These are just some of the adjectives used to describe sex by different groups of people over the years. More so in the case of a conservative society like Nepal. People even tend to refrain from talking about anything sexual let alone sex before marriage. So, what exactly is the problem? Should two consenting individuals have sex before marriage as a form of “sexual liberation” or should it still remain a taboo?

The newer generation in our country has emerged as a more free-minded group of individuals who believe in having sexual liberation while there are still a big number of people of all ages that do not support the idea of free love. According to Nepal Adolescent and Youth Survey 2010/11, 17% of young unmarried people fall in love and this population is higher among boys. The average age of losing virginity among Nepali youths happens to be 17 years old. And, the number of people highly engaged in sexual activities in our country has to be somewhere between the ages of 10-24. The number is likely to go down from underage children to adults. But, is consent enough?

Many adults in our country are not bound by the law to have sex in private or in hotel rooms. Mind you though, a majority of high-end hotels try to avoid unmarried couples as much as possible to keep a good reputation of their hotels giving much consideration to the culture and modesty of the Nepalese society. Similarly, while a Nepali couple has all the freedom to enjoy sex in a smaller lodge or a hotel, police raids are just as normal given that smaller hotels cannot afford fines or even bribery. One proving himself as a consenting adult won’t do much in his or her favor in this case. However, it is against the law to be engaged in prostitution of any sort. Although our society abstains from premarital sex, people are still engaging in it. What is wrong with this concept, whatsoever, is that children from ages 10-19 are having sex with consent but without any precautions which has been leading to degradation of the health of the female, early pregnancy, stress, exclusion from family, and in many cases, even suicide. Plus, as per the research on Premarital Sexual Behaviours among Secondary School Adolescents in the Kathmandu Metropolis (Ministry of Health Nepal et al., 2017), many teenagers or preteens have been touching each other’s genitals, kissing, and touching the female’s breasts while also having oral sex. Similarly, young people have become more open about their sex lives on TikTok. It is natural for people of age to get involved in sexual activities and that has always been happening since the earliest time known, while it had been more of a spiritual and reproductive factor in the earlier times, it eventually turned into a taboo that was restricted to be talked about and it has now become something that most people in this generation overtly express, do and talk about. We have to put a proper amount of emphasis on normalizing being open about premarital sex to an extent that people are aware of sex, doing it safely, and avoiding it to some extent(as and when it should be avoided). Sex is not even a problem when you dive deeper into this topic but there is always a right and wrong way to conduct it. So how you conduct yourself is what is going to matter in the long run.

A majority of people have been normalizing the whole concept of premarital sex but there are still many who believe in modesty and consider having premarital sex equivalent to committing a sin. Hence, while many couples, precisely adult couples, have the freedom to enjoy sexual liberation and make love with whomever they please if the partner is also of age and consenting, the law of our country really is not as strong as it should be when it comes to the reproductive health of young adolescents. Many youths from rural areas have also been suffering and transmitting STDs otherwise known as sexually transmitted diseases because of unsafe sexual practices and multiple sex partners which may also include sex workers. With extra precautions and a stronger law, many of these problems can be avoided.

Speaking for the adults, staying in a “live-in relationship”, having “friends with benefits”, sexually connecting, or making love with their lovers, are in fact something that Nepalese people are not yet familiar with but must be a little more open about. Free love-ism or as you might say, premarital sex is only right or wrong based on the context of where it is happening, with whom, and how old the individuals involved are at the time.

- Jessica Tamrakar