"As the Seasons Change" by

Alaina Rogers

The world evolves in seasons, from summer to fall, winter to spring - sun to falling leaves, snow to blooming trees. Animals develop in stages, like from an egg to a chick, then a rooster or a hen. Humans mature gradually over change as well. First, we learn and explore, then we connect with others. We form moral assets, discover our identities, and hopefully understand our role in the world. It is difficult to reach the final, ideal step of contentment and reflection without carefully undergoing each of these steps. As time progresses, transitions between seasons can be difficult to encounter, and a constant source of stability can serve as a guide to help us reach the final stage.

For many, this source is a childhood home, rich with family and familiarity. Having moved twelve times in my seventeen years, I haven’t had the chance to build connections to a town or house, and it’s been a struggle to makelasting relationships. Every new school has brought challenges, both socially and academically. I have often pondered the question of “where do I fit in?” or more accurately, “where am I accepted?" On top of studying new environments, I must catch up with the work that may be more advanced than that of my last school. At the end of the day, there is also little comfort in a house that doesn’t yet feel like home; it’s hard to fall asleep in a room in which I feel like an intruder.

In search of an alternative sense of security, sometimes I seek comfort from rolemodels or a constant belief system. I place significant value on lessons I learn and base my actions on specific morals, so this is very important to me. Role models are not always trustworthy, however. I watch the people who have taught me to love everyonedespite appearances or beliefs curse and reject a perfectly kind woman simply because of what she was born with. After noticing the hypocrisy of people I had trusted, I began to find morality a quandary. Itbecame a struggle to determine what was correct in every situation. There was no longer a constant, definite system. I once again found myself adrift at the stifling lack of stability.

I’m not unfamiliar with the feeling that something is missing, but while it is difficult to find my place in the world, I have found stability introspectively. Through all the changes and inquiries, I have always had myself and my values. With this mindset, I have been able to appreciate change and the novelty of the places I've been around the world. I am also open to incorporating new values with those I already hold. I love to learn about the world around me, through philosophy, and my interior world, through psychology. My mom has always called me a "thinker." I spend a lot of time going for long walks outside because I enjoy analyzing my surroundings and I find it intellectually stimulating. When I'm not doing that, I'm typically found sprawled on my bed with a vegetarian snack, pen in hand, annotating books or writing songs. I'vebeen songwriting my entire life, and I intend to pursue a musical side hob. A career in psychotherapy, however,has always interested me more than anything because what matters to me the most is the well being of others. My values are generally formed upon a social conscience, and my number one goal is to look back on life knowing that I have helped people.

Finding stability has been a long-running battle for me, but I would like to think that I have defeated it. I am confident that my values and curiosity will guide me through every changing season of my life so that when my hair turns silver and my last leaves are about to fall, I'll reflect upon my life with serenity and satisfaction.

"Hollow" by Aidan McNerney

Isn’t it unnerving?

How you move while the whole world stays in place

And waits for you to return

And say hello to say goodbye again

Never knowing which will last forever

And which will mean nothing at all

Isn’t it alarming?

How vacant your homefeels on these nights

Receding laughter of former familiars

Strangers with full hearts but empty promises

Perhaps six or seven more returns

Unrecognizable but never really changing

Isn’t it bewildering?

How we all somehow forgot

The world was moved here but it doesn’t matter now

Looking in a mirror at thirteen

A specter wilted in several years

Mourn me but continue racing away