Jamie’s Diary

Hello everyone,

I seem to have found some of that missing spark l spoke about in the last issue.

As predicted, life for me functions on a pendulum and l am on the up swing. It’s been a busy couple of months, l have a job as a peer support worker, it is extremely rewarding and l have a great team l am truly blessed. I am currently writing this and working on the design of this very issue at the same time. We have so many talented people who write on here and l am blessed to be part of this.

My life is full of talking about mental health and its impact, but in truth mental health is secondary to what is underneath and that is people. Speaking of people, I lost an old and dear friend last week, I am not speaking of this causally, I am struggling with this. We used to work together - years ago, we lost touch over the years, we lived far apart and we both left a job that wasn’t good for either of us. When the news of his passing hit me, it hit me like a truck.

I think back to the days we had together and at 42, I realise how much I looked up to him. I am always trying to embrace life as it happens, but in an effort to do that, Ironically, I let so much slip through my fingers.

There are people who light up your life, there are people who are patient with you when you are young and unwell. That was my friend, I truly wish he could have met a more (slightly) balanced me. We never fell out, never had a cross word and I will miss him forever.

Your light, kindness and warmth I will try and take with me. I always thought we had more time. Growing up, l didn’t have a CPN, l had a supportive family but l was guided by friends.

We didn’t share the same condition but we had fun and l needed that more than anything. Being around people and laughing, sharing stories’, that was what life was all about for me. People see what they want to see, with me. I always seem to be social and happy but it takes a lot to get me ready to do things, l have a job, family, friends and l manage this condition. I live with limitations, but l give 100% to everything l do.

I just find it difficult keeping up with people, That is one thing I wish I could change. But I do enjoy what I am able to do! I love my job I love Graphic Design, I feel so fulfilled, Things haven’t really changed, I have always taken time away, not to hide but to recharge, it is hard to explain that to some people but I appreciate they try and understand. I have no big ambitions or plans for world domination, I like the little things in life and that is all I really need, a sit in the sun, a nice walk, a hug, little moments make me happy.

I often wonder what my life would have been like without mental health problems, would l have met the people l met? Things would have been completely different but not necessarily better, l feel blessed in so many ways. Life has been varied as a life should be, it may have been more balanced without bipolar but not richer, and not as interesting.

Getting out and walking every morning has kept me well, I just love it. Whether I feel like superman or I am limping along, it always makes me feel better. I think about periods of my life of inactivity and very little exercise and I see what a benefit it is, it really keeps me grounded. Whatever you are able to do big or small, a little exercise is great. To be honest sometimes I am full of energy and vitality, sometimes I feel amazing.

I must apologise if my last few entry’s – I haven’t been myself. My job opportunities ahead of me and designing On a Level are things I am very much looking forward to continuing, I get down, but I never stay down!

You can be extraordinary without even realising it, If you think about how many times you have been up then down then up and down again, and kept going, that is fantastic. As we embrace the summer months l ask you enjoy what you can. As the sun beats down on me, l will take a big breath and be grateful for everything l have.

I think l have created an image of classic music in my headphones or something profound in my headphones as l sunbathe but it will probably be The Vengaboys!

Surfs up, Much Love,