3.5. May
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My father taught me an amazing tool to make ethical decisions. When faced with a difficult decision that is descriptive in nature, simply take a piece of paper with a line down the middle. Choose a decision and write that on the top of the paper. On one side write all the positive consequences and negative ones, write on the other side. Do this for each possible decision. It will outline and give you a visual understanding of the situation and will help you make the best, intelligent, moral-centered decision. It has worked wonderfully for me over the years. My father is an amazing man with a capacity to love beyond words. His love for mom continues to this day and is a vital part of his day-to-day activities. His love is based on what is morally right in his heart and head. He carefully weighs every decision and has rarely been known to make sudden and not thought-through decisions (although I’m told that in his youth that was not the case). He also taught us to carefully weigh the consequences of every single action we make. His way of saying it was this: “Don’t ever do something you would not want to be caught dead doing”. When you think about it, that’s a pretty powerful description. We read about movie stars who die doing things they really didn’t want us knowing they did. It completely taints their image and forever rules any publicity. David Carradine – case in point. So this week many of us in our immediate family were called upon, involuntarily, to make a tough ethical decision. Each of us will make our own decision based on our biases, experiences, wants, needs and desires. We make them based on our understanding of situations and our foresight of consequences. Some of us will follow Dad’s lead while others may not make the same decision will still base it on the many lessons we have learned from this amazing man of character and faith.
3.5 3.5.1
May Mother’s Day (2012-05-14 14:49)
My daily visit with Dad went well today. He seems to be managing and coping well. We talked about my difficulty in coming to the apartment and how, most times, I leave and find myself crying when I get to my car. The memories for me in that apartment are difficult. Dad said it was the opposite for him. Although some aspects are painful, of course; he feels comfortable there because he has great memories with Mom in that space even though it was where she got so sick. He remembers the paramedics taking her out for the last time, and he says when he starts to think about the hard memories, he looks at her picture and smiles. He sees her photo next to her mom and dad’s and is happy for her, that she is with them now. He is still anxious about the idea of living 20-30 years with her. He cannot stand that thought but he’s not going to do anything to join her in a hurry. He knows when it’s his time, he will go and be with her. We talked about Mother’s Day and he said, "yep...first one without her. Very difficult". We talked about the idea of moving and he’s very open to it. The winters are hard for him and he does not like the long, cold winters. He worries a lot if he has to ride in a car in the snow and he would prefer to be in warmer climate. I’m very thankful he feels that way because I also want to be in warmer client. So we decided today to try and figure out how we can move all three of us to Florida. We will pray about this and explore all our options. Ideally we would be ready by October 1 as his lease ends September 30th. We can get out of our lease at any time. I enjoy conversing with Dad. A lot of people do not engage him because, at first, his responses are short. He rarely starts a conversation but if you go in to it with planned things to say you can be really surprised. Alzheimer’s robs the memories, not the present moment. As the disease progresses the erased/inaccessible memories will begin to impede what happens in the current, the present. Our access to our memories is what we call upon in our daily communications, in our daily activities, and in our dealings with other people. As those are compromised, I understand the difficulties will increase. I c 2013 bruceandbarb.blogspot.com
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