NOT NEWS NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO PROBLEM.
THIS WEEK’S BAD JOKE Q: What do you call something brown and sticky? A: A stick.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
5
Working hard for the money
JEFF ROOD
Lookin’ for ladies: We need a staff After taking on the position of editor of Not News, I noticed a few things that bothered me: For starters, I expected to get just a little more respect around the news room- or at least for the tarring and feathering to stop. But sadly, everyone else that works here doesn’t think that the Not News is a “professional,” “smart” or “real” section of the paper. Other than the nonexistent change in love and respect, I actually got to find out who really works for the Not News. I have to say, I was surprised to find out who my staff was. In the however many decades the comedy section of the paper has been in print, there has never been a single female writer for this section.
MATT MAUK NOT NEWS EDITOR It may be because girls would rather work for the Pulse, but I find it hard to believe that there are no funny ladies on campus. . . .Unless you’re a Women’s Studies major. Then you really aren’t funny. Usually just angry and carrying pepper spray, which let me tell you, that stuff burns like a mother. But all that aside, I should get back to the point of this article. The fact is, you womenfolk should write with the charming and debonaire men of the Not News team.
You may be asking yourself: “Am I funny enough?”or “What about sexual harassment lawsuits?” Let me assure you, the Not News staff has zero tolerance for sexual harassment whiners . . . Just kidding. I’d rather not go to court again. In case you were too disgusted to read though the beginning of this article, let me sum up what’s going on: One Not News editor looking for female humor columnist, who enjoys long walks on the beach and Taco Bell at two in the morning. English optional. And to all you Women’s Studies majors: Love you lots. Matt (mmauk@bgnet.bgsu. edu) is waiting for applications.
Working a day to day job is starting to get harder for college students. The job market is shrinking, minimum wage has increased and immigrants have found more creative means to get into the country (apparently catapults weren’t good enough). For guys like me, it’s hard enough to find a job, what with prostitution being illegal. I think that the biggest problem with college kids is that, most of the time, we have no idea what to do at key points in the hiring process. Thankfully, though, my mother works in the employment industry, and, thus, I know everything there is to know about it. So, I’ll try to impart some of my knowledge to you. Your resume, much like a tumor growing out of your forehead, is the first thing an employer is going to notice. First of all, when making your resume, make sure to put things you want someone to see. If an employer sees your previous job experience as “fake ghost pirate,” they may look down at you. Also, when searching for a job, don’t think you’re going to find your perfect job from the start. Instead of scanning through the want ads for the words “video games,” “booze,” or “sitting on your big, white, pimply behind,” try and find a job that you have skills for. Do you enjoy reading? Look for a library assistant opening. Is a terrible case of obsessive-compulsive disorder bugging you? A secretarial job might be right up your alley. You need to use what you’ve got going for you. When it comes to your first
screaming like you’re in hell with gasoline-soaked pj’s.
JON RUGGIERO HUMOR COLUMNIST
Jon (jonr@bgsu.edu) has to get back to his job of begging for change on Wooster.
interview with your employer, try and “dress to impress” as the voices in my head say. A nice button-up shirt and pressed slacks are always a good choice. Just because you have an awesome Batman costume doesn’t mean everyone’s going to be impressed by it. One big thing to try and avoid is using any drugs before the interview. Interviewers don’t like it when you eat all of the candy on their desk and tell them to stare at the blue giraffe floating outside the window. Also, make sure to ask the right questions about the job. Questions like “What’s the dress code” and “What are my hours” are fine, but try not to ask “What does the job pay” or “If a tree falls on a mime, does he make a sound?” They might not see you as hirable material after that. On the first day, be sure to come to work in your proper work attire, whether that is a shirt and tie, a monogrammed hat and polo, or a banana costume. Make sure to acknowledge your boss and any people in the business that are more important than you. Remember the golden rule: Butt-kissing begins from day one. Also, don’t be so happy to leave. When the clock strikes five, don’t go running out of the office
ATTENTION
SOPHOMORES & JUNIORS XXX
Be a volunteer with Victims Services to help with sexual assault and domestic violence survivors. XXX
Deadline for applications is Wed., Jan 17 at 5 p.m. C O N TA C T I N F O R M AT I O N
Julie Broadwell at
419.352.9504 ext. 3505 or
jbroadwe@bc.wcnet.org for an application
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