And They Call Me Mum...

And They Call Me Mum...

Janis Lim is a mother of two young boys, Jeremiah and Josiah. In this article, she shares the ups and downs of a stay-home mother and an important lesson she learnt from experienced parents on what it means to simply enjoy her children and to see God’s hands even in the mundane daily routine.

Derek and Janis Pang with Jeremiah and Josiah

“If you’re not going to listen, then don’t talk to me!” I shouted at the older of my two boys. I had asked him to clean up, while he kept conjuring excuses not to. I was tired and he was trying my patience. I plopped down on the sofa with Josiah, my younger one, while big brother Jeremiah hopped onto his bike and started cycling around. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my arm.

“Ouch! Oh no, there’s blood!” I exclaimed. Josiah had scratched a healing wound on my arm. Jeremiah literally jumped off his bike and came rushing towards me. He took a quick glance at the wound, then turned to look at me with eyes filled with so much tenderness that I could feel it. I could sense he wanted to ask if I was alright but the words never came. Then it struck me - I had told him not to talk to me! Yet Jeremiah came running to me when he knew I had hurt myself. My heart all but melted. My five-year-old son loves me. Aren’t moments like these what all mummies yearn for?

Looking back on the 5 years we spent bringing him up, I must admit it has been a very tough journey. Tender and profound moments like these are few and far between. Being a stay-home mum, I am often asked how it is like. My quick reply is, “90% pain, 10% joy”, often to the bewilderment of the person asking! I would hasten to add that the 10% joy is worth the 90% pain.

Parenting is a tough journey. The bible gives very broad guidelines on parenting. One of my most cherished verses is from Proverbs 22:6: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”. I was hungry for what more experienced parents could teach me. My favourite question these days is, “Do you have any advice for me on how to bring up my children?” Of the many pieces of wise advice I have been given, two have shaped my manner of parenting significantly.

The first was from a man of God who is also a much sought-after preacher of the Word, Reverend Edmund Chan. Pointing to his teenage daughter next to him, he said simply: “Enjoy them. They grow up so quickly.” His response took me by surprise. Enjoy? The lack of sleep, the constant diaper-changing and the terrible twos? Was he kidding?

I was to hear the same piece of advice many times again. I used to dread the long days filled with what seemed like routine and mundane chores. I wished my boys would grow up quickly. Reverend Chan’s advice set me thinking: if godly parents who have walked this same path of parenthood tell me to enjoy this stage of my sons’ childhood, there must surely be some wisdom and truth in it. I thought about it and realised that every stage of their lives, no matter how difficult or mundane it may be, will pass. More than that, every moment spent with Jeremiah and Josiah now is a part of the foundation I am building for their lives ahead!

Mary Carlson, a neurobiologist from Harvard Medical School, conducted a study of orphans in an overcrowded Romanian orphanage. It was an appalling sight - rows of babies lay neglected in their cribs. Overworked staff meant the babies were hardly touched, even during feeds. What was most striking was the oppressive silence - no sounds and no crying could be heard at all. When the babies reached two years of age, they were found to perform at mental and motor levels we normally see in one-year-olds. Mortality rates were high and even those who survived never fully recover 1 . Carlson adds, “In the past, everyone thought survival depended on satisfying basic drives such as hunger and thirst” 2 , but here we see that so much more is needed merely for a child to develop normally!

In an excellent article in the Straits Times entitled “Is quality time a working parent lie?”, journalist and father Andy Chen says it is a lie “if we think it can replace quantity”. I love what he has to say next: “If you don’t share enough of the child’s ‘mundane’ experiences - scribbling alongside him, riding a slide with him, playing teatime, building Lego structures - how will you discover what his major epiphanies are? How will you be able to see your child’s world in a grain of sand and find out his idea of heaven in the wild flowers he played amongst...?” 3

On many occasions, I have questioned the need to spend my life at home with the children. There were even days when I wondered if this is what God wants for my life. Pushing trains along tracks and reading the same storybook 20 times isn’t exactly what I imagined myself to be doing after studying for the most part of my life! Nevertheless, over time, I have experienced the peace and conviction from God that He can be glorified in the manner I bring up my children and in the role I play as a stay-home mum. This realization has given me great encouragement.

As we embark on a new year and as we make plans for what we want to do with and for our children in 2014, may we all first take a step back to evaluate our relationship and time spent with them. Whatever we do (or not do) has an effect on their development, be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, whether positively or negatively. Parenting is one of the greatest gifts God has given to us. So while it is to be treasured and enjoyed, it is also a tremendous responsibility which we must take seriously. Parenthood needs to be carried out in love and reverence for the One who created and redeemed us. By His grace, He has chosen us to to be stewards of these little ones for a time. What a privilege to shape the lives of our children; of the future generation!

The second significant lesson I learnt on parenting concerns discipline. We’ll leave that for the next issue. I’m still not over the tender, loving look on Jeremiah’s face. So let me savour that moment again and I will share more in the next issue. Till then, enjoy the simple pleasures of parenthood!

1. Dr. James Dobson, “Bringing Up Boys”

2. www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/06.11/OfHugsandHormon.html

3. The Sunday Times, September 22, 2013