6 minute read
Life Transitions
Life Transitions
Heard the saying, “there is nothing constant but change”? How can you cope better when you next encounter a new experience, especially one you have little or no control over? Elder Melville Szto and his wife, Salome, are no strangers to changes and life transitions. They returned from the mission field in 2010 after serving a total of 27 years in Japan - 19 years from 1975-1994, and then 8 years from 2003-2010. The years in between, 1995-2001, were spent at Asian Cross-cultural Training Institute where he served as dean. Elder Melville is currently part of the pastoral team at BFEC and also serves on the pastoral team at the Japanese Christian Fellowship Church. Elder Melville and Salome have been married for 41 years. They are parents and parents-in-law to Sharon and Willy Ong, and Mark and Clara Szto. They have also been blessed with a granddaughter, Astrid, and a grandson, Nicholas. In this article, Elder Melville shares with us the precious lessons that we can learn from transitioning through different stages and new experiences in life.
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What are transitions?
Transitions are major turning points in a person’s life. One kind of transition involves the loss of someone or something that has meaning for you. At the same time, this loss can become the gain of something which has potential to you. The loss of a loved one, or loss of a job, or failure in an important examination are examples of this kind of transition.
The loss of a beloved family member is an especially painful transition as we adjust to a new reality. Loss of a job or career can be equally devastating. At the same time, our loss often opens a way for a new gain. The loss of a job can lead to a career change and a new direction in life. Bereavement might lead to greater appreciation for other members of our family.
Transitions also happen when we make major decisions for our lives. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord, our lives are transformed. When we accept a call from God to go into Christian ministry, be it as a missionary, pastor, Christian social worker etc., there is a major transition from work we previously did. A change of career is similarly a transition.
A transition also occurs when we cross over from one stage of life to another. When we get married or when we become a parent, we experience an immediate transition. Our status has also changed. When we grow from childhood to adulthood, the transition process takes longer and can be difficult as we pass through the stage of adolescence.
Some people have a mid-life crisis and face a different kind of transition. They may ask, “Am I doing the right thing or have I wasted my life up to now?” There could be both negative and positive ramifications for a person going through such a soulsearching transition. Growing old, too, is a transition. Although this is a non-event for most people since it occurs so gradually, we may not be conscious of it. Nonetheless, retirement is an eventful transition.
Some transitions are predictable, like having to do national service if you are a Singaporean male. Others are unpredictable, like injury or death caused by accident, or being diagnosed with an incurable disease, or being suddenly laid off work.
Transitions are part of life
Transitions are to be expected in life. What is important is how we react to transitions. How can I respond to transition so that its effect on me will be positive? Can I adjust to my new situation or will I continue to live in the past, moaning to myself and those around me, “If only that had not happened! If only I had not done that!” There is surely a place for sober reflection when we go through a transition. However, we are not meant to be stuck in limbo as it were, but are meant to move on. The positive attitude to transition is to ask ourselves these kinds of questions, “What is God saying to me? What does He want me to see? How does He want me to move on?”
Transitions are wonderful opportunities for growth
We can have a positive attitude to transitions because they are wonderful opportunities for growth! Even devastating transitions, like the loss of something or someone dear to us, are a God-given opportunity to grow. We can grow in our relationship with God when a major life transition pushes us to trust Him more. An unknown, uncharted future may even launch us on a new adventure of faith.
If our transition was brought about by some failure on our part (and this could include moral failure), we can turn to God for mercy and help, and discover that He is able to help; that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I have learnt this precious truth in times of failure that I could not have learnt in the times of success in my life. Sometimes God allows all the props that we have put our dependence on to be knocked out from under us, just so that we might learn to depend only on Him. This was surely Paul’s experience in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. God had used Paul many times to miraculously heal other people. This time God refused to answer his prayer for his own deliverance, for the removal of the ‘thorn in the flesh’ the ‘messenger from Satan’. Why? So that he would not become conceited, Paul wrote. So that he could learn this great truth that God revealed to him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God wants us to learn this truth too. Transitions give us the opportunity to learn this.
Transitions present an opportunity to learn contentment
For most of us, adjusting to a lower station in life is more difficult than moving up. Moving from a more comfortable to a less comfortable situation is more challenging. Herein lies an opportunity to learn contentment. Paul also wrote, “I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances... I have learnt the secret of contentment” (Philippians 4:11-12). Transitions may evoke fear, for example, when we are confronted with the unwelcome news that we have contracted a terminal disease. Yet, this is the time we can learn that “My times are in your hands.” (Psalm 31:15). Bereavement can be a time when we learn that God truly is the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and He can give us “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). When we are perplexed because we do not know what to do next, we can claim the promise of Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.”
Transitions allow us to deepen the relationships with those around us
Transitions give us the opportunity to learn more about God and to deepen our relationship with Him. They give us an opportunity to also learn more about ourselves and to learn to greater appreciate those closest and dearest to us. Transitions help us to become more aware of the world around us. If we are prepared to open all our faculties (eyes, ears, mind) to all incoming information, to learn from our mistakes, to forget the past when images from there become obstacles to progress, and to re-program when necessary, we can grow through such times. The Bible says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. (Romans 8:28).
A lesson from my own transition in life
Near the end of 2000, in Salome’s and my sixth year serving at Asian Cross-cultural Training Institute (ACTI), I experienced what I later learnt to be the beginning stages of burnout. It was a devastating, totally new experience for me to feel complete helplessness accompanied by panic attacks – I literally could not do any work! Our doctor from the OMF International advised me to immediately relinquish all responsibilities, take a long break, and do nothing except rest, read, go for walks, and engage in relaxing activities.
I praise God that one of the staff at ACTI was able to take on my duties as dean, and friends arranged for Salome and me to spend three months in a holiday bungalow in Perth. I was able to recover and to resume work again at ACTI after that period. I had seen cases of burnout and saw how it took years for a person to recover from it, but never expected that I would myself experience it. As our OMF International doctor immediately recognized the symptoms of burnout and acted promptly on my behalf in the early stages, I was able to make what was a relatively quick recovery.
What was the outcome of that experience for me? I discovered that God had other plans for me! I continued to serve as dean of ACTI till the end of 2001 (a total of seven years), having informed the board that they had to find a successor by that time. I then took a year’s sabbatical in 2002 during which time I wrote my book “Where Your Treasure Is”. In 2003, Salome and I returned to Japan for what turned out to be the most fruitful eight years of ministry of all our time in Japan (we had spent 19 years there previously, from 1975-1994).
God truly had His best plans in allowing me to go through that difficult transition. What else did I learn? Two important lessons: 1) To know how to say ‘No’ – I am not indispensable! God can use other people to accomplish His work. 2) It is okay to fail – failure is not the end of the world! Failure is another opportunity to learn and to grow.
So do not be fearful of transitions. Use the opportunity to learn more about God and to grow in faith!
