The Un-Holy Bible (B.C. edition)

could imagine. Therefore, the Saqqara Sages bound two lion heads onto twin iron pillars at the gate of the Sanctum Sanctorum for public Holy Holocaust offerings.

Thus, if anyone entered there and learned the Name, when he went to leave, the watchful lions would emit a defenning roar at him, so as to confuse his mind until he forgot the secret Name.

Yeshu entered, learned the letters of the Name, and, with much wisdom, gained much understanding of their meaning. He wrote them upon a small scroll of parchment and stuffed it into an open wound in his inner-thigh. Then he sewed up the skin of the abrasion over the contusion. As he went to leave, the lion heads sounded their low, dull claxon and the secret was erased form his mind. But soon, when he returned to his own house, he unzipped the stitches in his flesh with a curved dagger and dug out the rolled up scroll of parchment. Studying the small scroll, he then remembered the Name and obtained the proper use of its letters.

He conscripted into his personality-cult 310 vagabonds, derelicts and petty bandits, and denounced any who recused his origins for his own highest crime, hubris.

Yeshu dictated, “I am the Messiah; and concerning me, Isaiah prophesized and said, ‘Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.’”

He quoted a host of other Messianic references from throughout various scriptures and other texts, urging that, “David, my own ancestor, prophesized this, concerning me: ‘The Lord said to me, thou art my son; this day have I begotten thee.’”

The first insurgents to side with him believed that if Yeshu was the Messiah he should convince them by a sign. Being of the Nation of Israel, they brought to him outside Capernaum, a lame man from Bethesada, who couldn’t walk. Yeshu spelled out the letters of the Ineffable Name over the crook; and behold, the leper was indeed healed. Thereupon, these proselytes prayed to Jesus as Christ, Son of Man, Most High.

As soon as news reached them of the healing campaign of Yeshu, the half-breed exile, the Pharisee sanhedrin in Jerusalem beagn to conspire to arrest him. They sent two messengers, brothers named Annanui and Ahaziah, who were instructed to pose as high-ranking converts to his cause from Jerusalem, and offer him an invitation to visit some sympathetic, wealthy officials.

Yeshu ultimately acquiesed, but only on the one condition that these sympathetic Pharisees of the Jerusalem Sanhedrin would welcome him as their one true lord, Ha AHDVNHAY. Upon their messengers’ guarantee, he set out with the two toward Jerusalem.

But when they arrived, Yeshu betrayed the messengers and over-turned several stalls of local businesses who traded Roman coins for Shekels for the Temple Tax, and thus intermingled all of their collections.

At this, the astounded messengers arrested him and led him before the Pharisee Sanhedrin in the Inner Sanctum, beneath the statue of Queen Salome Helene, erected there by High Priest-King Shimeon ben Yohanan. There they accused against him: “This man thinks he is a sorcerer and is inciting the people toward revolution.”

Yeshu confessed boldly, “Your own Prophets long ago promised you I would come now: ‘And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse,’ and here I am; but as for them,” he added, addressing the crowd, refering to the Jerusalem sanhedrin, “Scripture says ‘Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.’”