Beneath Your Beautiful Dec 2022

mission-driven

Through raw and compassionate storytelling, Beneath Your Beautiful magazine sheds light on the subjective notion of beauty, inspires empathy, and creates positive change by challenging our biases and showing us we can find beauty anywhere we seek it.

There is beauty in all of us: no matter our age, our talents or our looks. Encouraging people to see the light that shines from within rather than what we look like has a big impact. And by listening to others’ stories we can better understand our own.

To purchase a beautiful, printed version on premium paper stock: blurb.com/user/BYBmag

ARTIST: Mario Loprete instagram.com/marioloprete facebook.com/mario.loprete.5

B-Boys

Mario Loprete is an Italian artist whose first love is painting - an important, pure love. Creating a painting, from the spasmodic research of a concept to the final message he’s trying to convey, opens up his world. Sculpture is his current lover; his artistiac betrayal to painting. That voluptous and sensual lover that that touches his emotions and prohibited desires…

In the last 3 years about 400 international magazines have written about Mario’s work, attracting the attention of important galleries and collectors.

Everyday Brazil

Each image I capture is filled with emotion as I take in the every day lives of real-life characters of the sertão in northeastern Brazil..

CRIS TELLES

Cris Telles’ relationship with photography began with curiosity. She had a camera with many features, but didn’t know how to shoot outside of automatic mode.

She sought out courses on the Internet, improved her skills, and seeks intense new challenges.

Photography is present in every aspect of her life, and is proud to call herself an artist and photographer..

inspiration for me comes from people: opposites and reflections in everyday life and what is not visible at first glance, stories from life. I work in a mix of abstraction and figurative where every line, mark or stroke doesn’t have to be obvious.”

Frank

has exhibited in Sweden and the USA, and is currently represented at Sparrows Gallery in Denison/ Texas, just north of Dallas.

He works in various materials, loves mixed media and frequently leads online classes featuring his favorite forms.

“The

FRANK FORSMAN

Forsman

ARTIST: Frank Forsman instagram.com/frank_forsman_art facebook.com/picturesbyfrank.2.0

In 2017 he started his journey into photography, shooting exclusively for the first 3 years with his mobile phone’s camera.

At 22, Prakhar won several national and international photography awards, and his photographs have been featured in Nikon Asia, PhotoVogue and by India State’s Tourism board.

Prakhar Sharma was born in Bulandshahr, Uttar Pradesh, India. He graduated from Gautam Buddha University with a Bachelor in Business Administration.

PHOTOGRAPHER Prakhar Sharma instagram.com/sharmaprakharr

Art to survive , art to become

Masri Hayssam, an Italian-Lebanese artist, began his journey into the art world at the tender age of nine, when a cousin gifted him with a set of paints for his birthday. A natural, Masri undertook studies in design and architecture before shifting back to his first love, painting. Inspired by the works of da Vinci and Michelangelo, Masri emigrated to Florence, Italy, in 1989. He studied at the Academy of Fine Arts and the Art Institute of Florence, learning traditional and contemporary

methods of painting, drawing, engraving and sculpture. After 25 years of studies and dedicated work, Masri felt compelled to move in a new direction, and he and his family traded Florence for Dallas, Texas, where his art found a new home at the Mary Tomas Gallery. The recipient of several international awards, Masri continues to explore the human condition and psyche through his works, always waiting for the next inspiration to lead him to his next incarnation as an artist.

ARTIST

Masri Hayssam artmasri.com instagram.com/masri_arts

Grateful and grieving

by Emma Woolley

Have you ever wanted something

so bad it hurt? I have. I want a baby. A family to call my own. I want to pick out matching outfits for family pictures. I want to pack lunches and make snacks. I want to have to clean sticky cheerios out of my car. I want to look into my child’s face and see my husband’s eyes. I want to watch the joy on their face on Christmas morning opening gifts. I would be a great mom. But after 7 years of trying to conceive, it feels like the universe disagrees.

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 woman of reproductive age will suffer from infertility. Infertility is officially diagnosed after 12 months of trying to get pregnant with no luck. We’ve been trying for 7 years, spent thousands of dollars and tried countless protocols. Frankly, I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.

I remember exactly where I was when I realized my infertility had deeply affected and even traumatized me. I was getting provoked on a daily basis by simple tasks like walking into a grocery store and seeing a mom with a handful of kids. I’d wonder “Why does she get so many and I get none? What makes her so special?” I’d get angry when I saw pregnancy announcements on social media. I began to decline social invitations for fear of seeing someone living my dream (being pregnant). I’d get irrationally angry at the silliest things like a poorly-run meeting or a bad zoom host. I became someone I didn’t want to be - a bitter, barren woman.

I wish I could tell you this story has

a Hollywood ending but I can’t. In fact, today is the first day of my period, and I feel numb to the pain. Over the years I’ve learned to honor my feelings and let them flow without trying to control them. If I’m angry, I now ask why and try to explore the root cause. If I’m feeling guilty about my anger over a baby shower or gender reveal, I try not to judge the guilt anymore, I just let it be.

I am grateful for all that I have in life. I have a loving husband and a great dog who I experience life with. But I am also grieving the life I imagined would be mine. Part of the human experience is making space for joy and grief, not trying to edge out either one. There is no light without dark, and beauty can be found in letting go of the need to control. I hate being the person that has a lesson to learn from every experience, but I have learned through infertility that grief is universal. Whether it’s the grief of losing a loved one, losing a dream job, divorce, loss of a parent or a pet, the experience of grief is a uniting force. If we can allow ourselves to join together and share our grief, we see that your pain feels to you the way that my pain feels to me. Maybe, if we can all open up we could really change the world. We could stop seeing other people as the other, whether it’s due to race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, political party or ethnicity. We can just see each other as another grieving soul, someone who has been through pain, has fears and wants to find happiness despite those things. «

My dear,

In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile

In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that...

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.

Truly yours, Albert Camus

Photo by Maria Vojtovicova

MODELS Vasilisa and Alex

youth in love

PHOTOGRAPHER Yana Gudkova instragram.com/yana_gudkova

father daughter

MODELS Vasilisa and Ivan

“There

Photos by Hara Allison

Jessica Bonar

INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER

Jessica’s laugh can be heard from down the hall or across the room. It’s loud and boisterous and makes you smile when you hear it… especially when you know how hard she’s worked to feel that kind of happiness; when you know what she has overcome to find joy.

Jessica will tell you that “self-made misery” is her #1 offender, but she is a comeback kid. She clawed her way out of addiction to become a loving mother, only to get sucked back into “The Pit” by alcohol. Now a respected, independent, feisty, businesswoman in her community, she embraces that she is a deep feeler and explores life with a vulnerability that creates connections of depth and breadth with people of all walks of life.

Jessica will be the first to say she “took a meandering path to happiness,” to be sure. Along the way she has been a keen observer of her life and that of others. People are drawn to her through her willingness to be open and painstakingly honest about her passion, her failures, her triumphs, her pain, her happiness and her joy. She inspires people, but most importantly, she empowers them to take action in their personal and professional lives.

Bassem El-Baz, 25, lives in El-Simbillâwein, Ad Daqahliyah, Egypt. For him, art is nothing but a means of expressing himself: emotions and ideas. Daydream, opposite page, was created with charcoal pencils on white paper. This boy dreams of a brilliant future. He wants comfort and peace, but his tattered clothes indicate fatigue and misery.

Nicolette is a single mom to Leah, age 5. Leah was born beautiful and seemingly healthy despite her premature birth due to complications in Nicolette’s pregnancy.

Until her first birthday, she hit all of her milestones early, but then stopped progressing. After struggling for years, being misdiagnosed by several specialists and therapists, Leah was finally diagnosed with atypical Rett syndrome, a rare, genetic neurodegenerative condition that strikes girls primarily. With no cure or treatments available, patients with this diagnosis generally have a poor prognosis - over 90% suffer with seizures, only 50% can walk in any way, and 99% can’t speak. Physically, Rett girls appear normal – there is no indication of any disease. Neurologically, however, these patients have deficits that impact functionality. The technical terms for her symptoms are “apraxia”, difficulty in making accurate movements on demand, and “ataxia”, which is poor muscle control. Basically, these patients are fully there and present mentally and can understand their world, but when they attempt intentional speech or movement their bodies fail them.

Leah has made excellent progress – she can walk, doesn’t have seizures and can produce limited speech, using an assistive communication tablet to round out her communication. Each success is hard-won, and a step forward can immediately be followed by a step back. Leah, voted “most caring heart” at her preschool because she always hugs the kids who cry, has a very special spirit. «

Photos by Hara Allison

Lee -Anna Morris

NOMINATED AND WRITTEN BY JAN COUTURE

My dad has Alzheimer’s, had a heart attack and is now on Hospice. His nurse, Lee-Anna Morris, works days with him to keep him comfortable, happy and as independent as possible. She works 12 hour shifts, 6-7 days a week. She is absolutely amazing with my dad. She’s also an artist, a photographer and a writer.

It takes a certain kind of person to care for the elderly and those with Alzheimer’s. My dad remembers people but can’t come up with words so it’s difficult to know what he wants. But he lights up every morning when she gets there and he adores her.

Not enough people appreciate the work of these types of caregivers. She’s been with my dad since before he qualified for Hospice. He’s had caregivers for part of the day since my mom passed in 2020, but when he was hospitalized, I asked that Lee-Anna be the one to care primarily for him. She immediately said yes and started working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week.

We are truly blessed to have her helping my dad. «

To nominate someone who has made a difference in your life or your community, please send an email to: hello @beneathyourbeautifulmag.com

Photos by Hara Allison

Lee Anna Morris in her own words

My life as a caregiver started at a very young age. After my baby brother was born, I loved helping with late night feedings so my parents could get a little extra sleep. In my teens, visits to see my elders made my happy, and I enjoyed helping them with the tasks that no longer came easy to them.

My first caregiving “job” came in 2005, caring for my mother-in-law shortly after becoming a mother myself. Filled with ups and downs, this time in my life brought more heartwarming moments than I ever could have expected. When my son was just over a year old, I took time off to raise him. In 2009 my daughter was born, and my kids were my world.

Then, in April of 2013, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and we found out that my daddy was very sick and needed surgery. As often as possible I visited with him and took him out on little adventures to cheer him. While in recovery from surgery, I helped with his medical needs.

And then my loving grampa (pictured) suffered a stroke. There was no question in my mind that I would be there to help him, as well.

Over the next couple weeks our family took turns caring for my grandpa, and in May I flew down to California to take my

turn. I took advantage of every second I spent there, making more memories with my mama and grampa. It was wonderful to wake up at five to enjoy coffee and breakfast with him and watering the fruit trees and assorted plants he had growing everywhere became a favorite task. Tucking him into bed at night I had the chance to hear stories from when he was younger - it was an amazing bonding experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But the afternoon of May 13th, I received a phone call that would change my life. My daddy was gone. He was alive, but in a coma, with virtually no chance of recovery. I was so torn and my emotions were all over the place. Should I stay with my grampa who was cognizant and who clearly needed me? Or should I go home to be with my daddy, in a coma and unaware? My family helped cement my decision, pulling together like super-heroes to organize a care team for my grampa and getting me on a red-eye back home to be at my daddy’s side. Placing my hand in his, I watched him take his last breath. I was gutted. In the quiet that followed I dreaded facing my children and telling them that Papa was never coming back, but there was peace in knowing that he wasn’t alone, he

Photo taken by Lee-Anna Morris of her grampa, Phillip Herrera Jr: the family philosopher, stringing his pearls of wisdom.

wasn’t scared, and he was loved.

My children were growing older, so I brought them with me on visits to retirement homes reading to the elderly. We served at a soup kitchen with my mama and her friends. We handed out food, water and blankets to the homeless - virtually anything we could do to help where it was needed. It brought me such joy helping others.

In 2018, I made the decision to retrain as a CNA, and while attending classes to become certified I worked at a care center in the memory care unit. My time there was so fulfilling - dancing with clients, sharing meals, assisting with day-to-day tasks that brought me pure joy. In my role there I know I was able to help people feel loved, appreciated and wanted.

After COVID hit, providing care and company during isolation was more important than ever. As caregivers, we were their only window to the outside world. The amount of personal protective equipment (PPE) that we were required to wear made us look like creatures from another planet, but I had fun with it, dancing as I entered a patient’s room, showing off my “fabulous new fashion.” This simple gesture brought so many

smiles and it only took a moment of my time. Sometimes, I simply just held their hand while they slept.

Many clients I loved and cherished passed during COVID, but remembering the stories and the time we shared brings a smile to my face.

This year, I made one of the best decisions of my life, transitioning to inhome care. Many clients have become like family: spending holidays, birthdays and family celebrations with them. Seeing their eyes light up and a smile come upon their face when I arrive makes the hard days, early mornings and late nights worth it.

Every moment shared with them makes me grow as a person and makes my heart grow bigger. I truly feel that this is my calling. Though there are moments of sadness and frustration, I wouldn’t change it for the world. «

Ally Papworth is the owner and barber at The Tin Can Barbers in Brighton, England. These photos were taken after an accident he had whilst out skateboarding. His face unfortunately lost a battle with the concrete, but he continues to stand tall with his ever faithful pup Mr. Pickles by his side.

MODELS

Brighton, UK based nonbinary photographer, Willow Dunn, has been developing their skills in the field of analogue portraiture for the past 5 years. Their beginnings in analogue photography started on the streets of Brighton. Originally focusing on candid day-to-day life, Willow soon shifted their direction towards portraiture. Now using film and their favourite method, the wet plate collodion process, Willow primarily photographs local figures or has tintype pop-up appearances in photography conventions such as Analogue Spotlight.

PHOTOGRAPHER

Willow Dunn instagram.com/willowcdunn

Ally Papworth and Mr. Pickles instagram.com/brassknucklebarber

The Beauty of Resistance

by Julie Watts

Julie Watts lives in downtown Spokane, Washington, and frequently finds herself a witness to both the weird and wonderful on her daily walk to her office. She owns a small law office with three attorneys, and when she isn’t working, she is dancing Kizomba, writing poetry, or learning the ropes of stand-up comedy.

facebook.com/julie.christine.watts

I was so desperate for solutions that I posted on Facebook, hoping for some profound revelation from the collective hive mind. “I’m struggling with procrastination,” I said. “Please, does anyone have any tips or tricks?” Please, dear God, let someone have a tip or a trick, I thought. Just one small, teeny-tiny tip. Just a solitary trick. Of course, prior to humbly announcing my failures to the entire internet, I had diligently done my research – many times, in fact, over my adult life – and most of what I got from my Facebook friends reiterated practical ideas I had already heard, like setting a timer for just five minutes to get started or rewarding myself for each step of a task with a bit of chocolate. Some friends reminded me that procrastination is driven by having an uncomfortable emotional reaction to a task and suggested that if I could address the underlying emotion, I could move forward. I spent a lot of time thinking about what was particularly troubling to me about managing spreadsheets, but other than finding the task generally boring and annoying, I couldn’t pinpoint anything unusually distressing about it. After all, I did boring and annoying tasks all day. I’m an attorney; doing boring and annoying things is pretty much the job description. Why was this any different?

One Facebook friend named Delena volunteered something new and different. “Have you tried body doubling?” she asked, explaining that body doubling was a technique where someone would sit with you while you did a task. The technique is designed to help prevent distraction and draws on natural concerns about avoiding the judgment of your work partner to motivate the completion of challenging tasks. She said she had some work to get done herself and generously offered to

body double with me for a work session the next morning over Zoom. I was pretty desperate, so I took her up on it. We met bright and early, and during our first break, she shared some insight. She encouraged me to get very real with myself about the things that were hard for me to do and to catalog those tasks so I could figure out how to avoid being responsible for them, whether that meant delegating them to someone else or even hiring an assistant to do them. She made many excellent points, which sent me down the path of noticing all the things I typically avoid or don’t do well, and I regret to say it was a pretty sizable list to confront.

Kasia Urbaniak, author of the book ‘Unbound,’ says that when we meet with resistance, it is cause for celebration because it means that we have “stumbled on buried treasure.” If we can actively seek out the resistance in ourselves and others, it can serve as a signpost to the things that really matter to us. Urbaniak, who spent twenty years as one of the world’s most successful dominatrices and seventeen years studying to become a Taoist nun in one of the oldest female-led monasteries in China, has long been interested in matters of desire, attachment, and resistance. She says that getting curious about what

lies beneath our resistance is where we will find the richest veins of insight into what we really want. Instead of feeling delegitimized and shut down when met with resistance, “you just go, ‘oooooh, resistance,’” says Urbaniak, in the yummy tone one normally reserves for the most delicious of chocolate cake. “There is something behind their ‘no,’ that their ‘no’ is trying to protect.” In short, resistance protects the good stuff.

This idea is also reflected in the French phrase ‘pièce de resistance,’ which is a term used to describe the very best dish in a meal, frequently withheld until the very end when it can be fully appreciated by comparison to what came before without destroying the guests’ enjoyment of the previous dishes. ‘Pièce de resistance’ references the best, the most beautiful, the most important, the most memorable, or the most meaningful thing – the buried treasure protected by resistance.

Later that day, I processed my list of resistance with my friend, Krystianna, who is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know. “You know what’s funny?” I told her. “Most of the

If we can actively seek out the resistance in ourselves and others, it can serve as a signpost to the things that really matter to us.

The Beauty of Resistance continued

things that I’m bad at doing for myself I can do perfectly well for other people. I’m terrible at booking plane tickets for myself, but when it was my job to do that for my boss, I had no problem. And the weirdest thing of all is that the things I’m really bad at doing are the things that my dad always did for me, like shopping for electronics or fixing things.” I had noticed this strange phenomenon for a while without being able to figure out what it meant. “That makes sense,” said Krystianna, in a casual tone, entirely unlike the inflection I would expect from someone who was about to unleash a lightning bolt of insight directly into my living soul. “Having your dad do those things feels like love to you, and you hope that if you refuse to do them, he will come and do them for you.” I mean… give a girl some warning.

I immediately burst into tears, which startled me nearly as much as what Krystianna had just said. Tears always

seem to follow the truth, after all, and she was right. Delena was right. Kasia Urbaniak was right. The Facebook friends who had reminded me that procrastination was an emotional problem were right.

My parents moved to Spokane after retiring from their careers at the University of Jamestown in North Dakota. The move was made possible in part because my dad took a new job as manager of my law office and helped me grow from a solo practitioner to a small firm of three attorneys and a paralegal. For many years, he had served as my receptionist, my gatekeeper, my bookkeeper, my tech department, and my closest office pal, and in the last year, he had retired. I still saw him at family events, of course, and he was only a text away at any given moment, but the reality was that I still really missed my dad. I missed having him around every day, and I missed having him help me with the things he had always done, the things I was historically “bad at.” Rather than producing an emotional ache that directly told my conscious mind that I should schedule some time with my dad, my heart got down to business protecting the buried treasure and decided to take hostages.

As Urbaniak might say: oooooh, resistance.

Somewhere deep inside, I had learned as a child that the most effective strategy for avoiding the obstacles of my father’s busy job in my quests for attention was to seek his

assistance, and now that I was a full-grown adult, I was still using those techniques to navigate around the obstacles of my own busy job. Feeling a little sad would not motivate me to set aside the relentless demands of litigation – but what if there were a problem that I would typically seek out my father to solve? Whatever I did, my childlike heart insisted, I must not do his job, or what would I ask for then? Diabolical. Despite its obvious intelligence, the strategy I had manufactured as a little kid failed to account for the fact that my world had significantly changed. I had since grown up, and my father had retired. He had all the time in the world, now, and I had power over my own circumstances to spend my time however I wanted, task-free. As is often the case, we are tormented more by the solutions we have outgrown than by the problems they were designed to solve.

I immediately scheduled lunch with my parents, and the insurmountable project subsequently became easier. I still have plenty of trouble with boring administrative tasks, but the trouble is the routinely annoying kind rather than the intractably difficult kind. More importantly, my resistance had, as Urbaniak promised, led me directly to the heart of the buried treasure I cared about: ensuring my father’s place in my life. By becoming conscious of what I was protecting, I could use my adult resources rather than continuing to cling fearfully to

the method my child-self had relied upon in the past. I had gotten out of my own prison with the buried treasure in hand, and I was free.

I won’t pretend that I have mastered the art of automatically viewing resistance (mine or anyone else’s) as a blinking neon sign clearly indicating value, meaning and connection. I still get easily frustrated with the obstinate behaviors of my clients, my total inability to avoid sugar, and literally every single person involved in traffic, grocery stores or online customer service. I remain an ongoing force of active resistance most of the time (‘Vive le Résistance! ’ to quote some more French), but every now and then, a little voice in the back of my head that sounds a lot like Kasia Urbaniak eating chocolate cake, pipes up out of the cacophony and whispers, “ooooh, resistance,” and I have to smile a little as I start scanning my inner horizon for buried treasure. «

Captain America

Evgeny Avdoshin is not a professional photographer, but his work brings him to some of the most diverse places in the world. Street and travel photography bring him the most pleasure, because both allow for improvisation and intrinsic imperfection.

Quito, Ecuador, where he has been living for some years, is a very special place. Its beautiful scenery is where he finds many different stories - big and small. From a couple in a park hiding from the rain under an umbrella, to a sneak peek into a school yard, where children carelessly chase a ball, to a view of the old city, with midday stillness bothered only by the steps of a solitary stranger.

Quito, Ecuador

PHOTOGRAPHER

Evgeny Avdoshin instagram.com/barmachu

Love myself more, to speak up and clarify situations.

I’m in the process of giving up a job a hate to do something I love.

person to take over our foundation so I could retired. Standing strong to not allow toxic people back into my life.

Married my best friend and built a strong partnership with him.

Choose to find the positives and accept the bad. What will be will be, how you experience it is a choice.

SHANA SMITH

Tons of inner work.

Learned to set healthy boundaries.

Lost 90 pounds, got divorced, bought a church to convert to my home.

OONA MCGUINNESS

Quit smoking!

Hired

house cleaners.

MARK CUILLA

Bought bigger jeans! ROBBIN MILLER

Learned a new skill: leather!!!

AIDA VOGT

JEN EASTMAN

CARMEN GUERRERO

SHARON SMITH

DONLEE MARLIN

CARMA FUHLENNDORF

ERIN MEENACH

SANDY MONTGOMERY

Changed my eating habits and have lost over 80 pounds, been sober for 4 years, been lifting weights for 3 years and working on myself mentally.

CHRIS HELKE

Made a will.

PIA HALLENBERG

Shadow work. The path of selfillumination is an exploration of our own spectrum through our darkness to find our light.

ILEIA PERRY

Now that’s a long list!

WHITNEY RUD

Deepened my faith And… made the decision to cut out toxins, add healthy supplements and get my body moving more.

It's minor, but I finally got the interior of my car's windsheild clean! (literally - but I realize there's a metaphor in there)

VICTORIA FERRO

Found a career. Gotten sober again. Cut sugar. Started working out.

It’s been a good year for the B.

BRANDON MONTANG

Went back to school!

Stopped buying daily lattes!

GEOFF SCOTT

Stopped worrying about scale and focused on how I feel.

Got a life coach— wish there was such a thing 40 years ago!

ANNETTE CARTER

Yoga.

MEREDITH BANKA

KATY BYRNES

REBECCA MARIE

KATE ROHRS CARO

Took control of my schedule and manage it in a way that keeps my brain injury symptoms at bay. I am relentless on my schedule management, saying no when I need to, spacing meetings for brain breaks, limiting social activities to the ones that matter most, etc.

LERRIA SCHUH

A sense of accomplishment has enriched my life and has done wonders for my selfesteem. I did this by writing three books over the last two years. I have always wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember, but life and work got in the way. Finally, I told myself, no more excuses, and the words gushed through my fingers and into my three accomplishments.

MARY JANE JANOWSKI

Everything.....lol. For real though, sometimes it feels like it. I've always been inclined to do things the hard way and I didn't have a lot of solid guidance along the way so by 30 I was unhealthy, drunk, and not going anywhere with my life. So I finally took the terrifying leap and transitioned. Then I got sober. Then I rebuilt my relationships with others and myself. Then I spent a year changing my diet habits (almost 40lbs down!) and working toward a career that would let me live the life I want and I did it. It took me 7 years but I did all of it.

Improve self-love, rebuild my self-worth, find a job in a healthy environment, take better care of myself, reflect more, see my therapist more regularly.

MATTHEW KINCANON

Moved to Paris. SHERRY JONES

Adopted/rescued a gaggle of animals. DAWN SAARI

COLTON GERARD

Forgiven myself. Forgiven others.

JEREMY WHITTINGTON

RACHEAL KERFOOT

Being kind to others by carrying wrapped snacks in my car to give to the homeless. Checking in on those who are alone, not feeling well, or just listening and not judging or giving my opinion. I aslo set up an interactive art area in my front yard for the children in my neighborhood with chalkboard, chalk, bubbles, etc.

I started going back to the gym about a month ago. Learning how to juggle. Have a few businessy things going on and headed out to perform a bit of comedy-magic right now too.

HARRIS FELLMAN

Broke up with someone.

Focused more on my health and removing daily toxins from my environment. Found a side gig I’m passionate about.

KARA CARLSON

Bought a house.

Oh my goodness. I feel like nows my time to shine!

I have bipolar disorder (type 1) and was struggling with finding meds that kept me stabilized. But I kept working at it. And now:

Stayed stable on meds for over a year with only 2 major episodes this entire year.

Lost 150lbs

Changed things in my life that were no longer suiting me.

Cut out toxic relationships

Went from working 3 jobs to 1 job.

Simplifying my life

Journaling/ shadow work

Mood tracking

Surrounding myself with positive people who don't drain my energy

Counseling (weekly) & psychiatrist (monthly)

I am following my dreams by painting and teaching like I did 20+ years ago

ROBIN DYER

MERRILEE WEINMAN

ELIZABETH SCOTT

VICTORIA DAY

EVE NEWSOM

I realize my time is valuable! Self care.

CHRISTINA PALMIERI

The Student is Ready

I was great at deflecting and mask-wearing. I did not want others to see me - at least not the real me. It was dark in my head, full of self-loathing.

As a young girl, I was sexually abused. I was seven years old. I did not know what he was doing. I only knew to keep it secret because he would stop when someone neared.

Later, when I entered adolescence, I knew. And I felt dirty.

I didn’t tell anyone about it for decades, but recently told my mother. She selfflagellated and screamed, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I had no words for her.

I desperately wanted an apology from her, for failing to protect me. I wanted to say, “You did not equip me with the word, ‘No.’”

As a result of the assault, I grew up people-pleasing, disregarding my selfworth. I was slut-shamed for my teenage behavior. I felt I deserved it.

But not anymore. I no longer need outside affirmations or attention as a barometer of my self-worth. I am enough. I even like my own company.

I drank my way out of a 25-year marriage. Deeply unhappy, I did not know how to end the marriage in a mature way. So, I drank until he kicked me out.

I recently ended an eight-year relationship. Working with my therapist and an energy worker, I learned how to set boundaries and to recognize when a relationship has run its course. I learned how to look someone in the eye and tell

Maria Leonard Olsen

Maria Leonard Olsen is an attorney, TEDx speaker, journalist, author and host of the Becoming Your Best Version podcast in Washington, D.C.

MariaLeonardOlsen.com

them what I want and what I need. I learned how to honor my desires. I would rather be alone than be with someone who lacks the emotional bandwidth to support me in the way I need to be heard.

I will turn 60 in a few months. I constantly have to put down the bat of selfjudgment, my norm. It is a hard habit to shake off, but I am working on it.

As I became ready for a new way of living, I found many teachers. “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” is something often heard in the 12-step rooms. Alcoholics Anonymous helped to get me sober. The Al-Anon fellowship taught me how to have healthy relationships, but I was initially surprised at how I could learn profound lessons from the U.S. Senators and the homeless in the AA meetings. We had different, but almost universal stories of shame and hopeful redemption.

At my lowest point I considered suicide. Sharing my thoughts about it in an AA meeting, A homeless woman approached me, put her hands on my shoulders, and met my gaze. “If you kill yourself, your children will be even more f***ed up than they are now.” She was right. Suicide would have been a selfish act, harming those I would have left behind at that time. I do not wish to hurt others.

I recently returned from a women’s retreat called Women of the Wild. It was filled with seekers, who want to grow and to spread love in our damaged world.

We laughed, we danced, we sang, we cried, we taught each other, we shared and

we howled at the full moon. It was glorious. In the most impactful exercise at the retreat, our group broke into two large circles. In turn, each of us got in the middle of the circle and slowly rotated, looking into the eyes of each woman around the circle. During my turn I broke down in tears. I felt seen. I felt loved. I felt compassion and understanding.

I also consider my adult children my teachers. They teach me humility, as young adults who believe, in their idealistic ways, that they know more than I do. I remember feeling that way as a teen. I understand. I stand ready to advise them, though, if they ask for my advice.

Difficult people teach me patience. They often reflect to me something I do not like about myself. Arrogance can be a result of fear. I believe that, at some level, we are all hurt children. I have learned to re-parent my inner child. I am healing. And I give others the space to heal.

I lived with the false story in my mind that, if anyone knew the real me and the skeletons I crammed behind the closet door, they would not want to be near me. That is an old—and untrue—message I held for most of my life.

Now my authenticity is my badge of honor, even if it is not everyone’s cup of tea. And it cannot be to everyone’s liking because we are all perfectly imperfect humans. If we all conformed, the world would be a very boring place. My new motto is, “If I am too much, go find less.”

And I finally mean it. «

It’s a Dog’s Life

Photo by Matthew Henry

Photo by Seye Kuyinu

Beneath

Photo by Charles Deluvio

Photo by T R Photography

Photo by Alan King

T o l erant

Larissa Karchevskaya is an artist, photographer and curator from central Kazakhstan. She explores beauty, the art of selflove and the world of the future.

ARTIST Larissa Karchevskaya instragram.com/lorsy_lu MODEL Maria Alekseenko instragram.com/masha_alexeenko_lu

As a photographer, Philippe Lesuisse wants his photos to carry a message, let people's imagination take over. He is always looking for his subjects to stand out and shine.

Born and raised in France, he came to the United States in 1998. Retiring after working 21 years in the Pharma industry, he was looking for a hobby and this is when he embraced photography. Self-taught, he has always been attracted to shapes, colors, situations and people, therefore photography became an obvious way to express his interests.

I was not meant to be a photographer, and he was not meant to be a model.

Born and raised in France, I came to the United States in January 1998. After living for 20 years in Kenosha, a blue-collar city located in southeast Wisconsin, I moved to Milwaukee in October 2020. Immediately upon my arrival I met Bruce Campbell, a retired barber and our new next-door neighbor. From the start he proved to be a very kind gentleman, always willing to help his neighbors in the building. I soon learned he was a member of a local beard club, and that Bruce has participated in many beard contests all over the United States.

As I got to know him better, I came to realize that Bruce was quite the character, as well as the owner of tons of hats and costumes. It was not until summer 2021, as I started dabbling in photography, that I approached Bruce about posing for me. I was so pleased to receive an immediate yes, and a few days later found us on the roof of our building doing our first photoshoot. Over the course of that summer and into the fall we completed a number of outdoor photoshoots, but in late fall, with the weather not being very cooperative, we sought out an indoor location, eventually ending up in our building’s boiler room. Although we attempted a few photo sessions there, we discovered it to be too dark and too hot for us to continue. We finally made the move to Bruce’s apartment, which he likes to call "French Studio 44," 44 being his apartment number. I have since lost track of how many photoshoots we’ve completed, but our work together continues to evolve.

I am not sure if I would have been as involved as I am now with portrait photography if I had not met Bruce, and I am very grateful that during the summer of 2020 he accepted my offer. «

PHILIPPE LESUISSE

PHOTOGRAPHER Philippe Lesuisse instragram.com/lephilippesuisse gendarme0261.wixsite.com/imagine

MODEL Bruce Campbell instragram.com/brewcitybrucecampbell

Gomel, Belarus

PHOTOGRAPHER

Vitaliy Lischinskiy instagram.com/surrealism_fotograf facebook.com/vitaliy.lischinskiy

MODEL

Irina Bushuyeva instagram.com/ir_boo

RETOUCHER

Olga instagram.com/lischinska_retouch

Vitaliy Lischinskiyis a photographer living in Gomel, Belarus. He explores a variety of genres of photography and is not afraid to mix techniques, exploring traditional schools of photography and painting, as well as with avant-garde styles of minimalism, surrealism and expressionism. In this way, he develops his own style of recognizable photography.

Traction

by Rob Morlock

Rob Morlock is an HR professional in Snohomish County. He is taking the first steps in a new adventure: learning Brazilian Jui Jitsu with his children. He is an avid camper and when the mountains are not on fire, can be found exploring the Northern Cascades. He is looking forward to retirement… eventually.

Being vulnerable

means admitting I’ve failed. I need help. I can’t do it alone. In many ways it seems antithetical to so many of the ways I’ve lived my life. In my younger days I had it all: the great job, beautiful wife, kids I loved and who loved me back. I had a few dogs and even a fence. It was not the white picket variety, but threestrand barbed wire, which is better for securing cattle. My family was complete, I had everything I’d ever wanted, and my life was smooth sailing. When I think back about the day the life I knew was shattered I can almost see myself like a weird third-person ghost. My kids and I were just returning home after an afternoon playing Dungeons and Dragons at a local comic book shop. I was elated that my kids shared my old hobbies and we were reliving past adventures and discussing ideas for upcoming ones. I pulled into my yard and my kids ran into the house, eager to tell their mother about their day. As I

walked up the porch steps, my middle son called out, “Dad, someone is here.”

With that four-word sentence, my life fell apart. This man, who I had met a few times before, walked through my kitchen and out to my porch, my wife close behind. He handed me a small packet of papers, apologized and then he and my wife got into her car and drove away. I was about to be divorced. Eventually I found out about her affair. He was no stranger. He was someone we used to invite for supper; we used to drink beer together and throw around a football.

“Dad, someone is here.” That was four years ago. FOUR years. The divorce was messy. I realized that my wife had changed, while I had not. From the outside, I’m sure it looks like I’ve moved on. I have a home. My kids are doing well. I’m finding new hobbies and new adventures.

But on the inside I am a mess. I have no idea what I’m doing and every day I seem to spin my wheels more and more. I had it all figured out and now, starting over, I seem to be stuck longing for the days of my past and wondering where the day went as the sun falls.

I just can’t figure out why everyone but me has figured out how to move on. My kids are growing up so fast. My oldest is getting ready to finish high school. My ex now has two new kids with her new partner. I can’t seem to keep a job if my life depended on it. So I’m vulnerable. I’ve tried and failed. I’ve made mistakes and can never take them back. Life refuses to give me a mulligan.

But I’m trying. Therapy has become my lifeline and Lexipro is my breakfast. I’ll get traction. And when I do, I’ll be on my way. «

Background photo by Paul Pastourmatzis

Kutyreva is from Sochi, Russia. In this series we see the mood of today - anxious expectation, fear of the future and uncertainty. It depicts the story of a woman who does not know if her man will return home.

Julia

PHOTOGRAPHER Yuliya Kutyreva instagram.com/julsineya_photo MODEL

Lilit Karapetyan instagram.com/lilit_actress

beforedarktimes

holiday magic

Jennifer Connelly married her best friend and is a mom of two adorable kids who inspire the majority of her photographs. She loves capturing the beauty and light in the most magical way - and her camera is her tool.

Jennifer is mainly a natural light photographer living in southwest Florida. There is rarely a time she doesn’t have a camera in her hand.

Photography is a passion of hers and though she’s done her share of studio work, weddings, etc, she truly loves capturing the candid and beautiful moments of childhood as creatively as she can.

She started her business in 2010, and specialized in families and newborns. After becoming a mom herself, she put the business on hold to document her own family. Children grow up so fast, and the time we have with them is never enough - and she became captivated on documenting every memory she could with them. From the big moments and milestones, to the mundane of everyday life.

Photography combined with motherhood has made her slow down and appreciate each and every moment.

Jennifer wants her photographs to tell a story - how she sees the world around her, the memoirs of a life well lived.

“I finally had an opportunity this evening to go through the November issue. I wanted to absorb as much as I could and not feel pressured to just get through it. This is not a magazine that you just get through.

For me, the compelling pieces are those that I see a reflection of me in. Each page, photo, portrait, written word, story draws me in, compels me to peel back another layer of myself. I am her, I am him, I am them. That connection we all have whether we see it or not. It’s there. In these pages.

Seriously, thank you. I look so forward to reading and seeing this magazine.”

LONA BARNUM

“This is incredible! You have found a niche that is so needed! It’s like a coffee table publication! So beautiful: an inspiration publication!”

JOAN POLZIN

“I came to realize that this is not just a photography magazine. It is an amazing storytelling magazine that goes way beyond photography. What you’ve done is simply outstanding.”

PHILIPPE LESUISSE

“Your magazine is breathtaking! Raw, vulnerable and beauty down to its unfiltered essence! Love that you are allowing yourself to share your gifts!.”

MISTY SPRINGER

“Stunning.”

SHAUNA CORRY HERNANDEZ

“I just received my magazine and it’s gorgeous. It so lovingly reveals the humanity of each subject.”

PAM WALLACE

“WOW, Hara! It’s beautiful, truly.” TROY NICKERSON

“Congratulations on the launch of the magazine. It’s more than I imagined. It’s compelling and absorbing. It’s all very clear, concise and interesting.”

DEANNA AHO

“It’s the kind of publication that isn’t a “throwaway” - read it once and you’re done. I will go back to it again and again and find something new in the photos, the poetry, and the prose each time.”

MARY JANE JANOWSKI

“Congratulations, Hara. It really is beautiful!”

GREG BIRCHELL

“It’s a beautiful work of art that just happens to be a magazine.”

MEILEE ANDERSON

“Congratulations! It’s so amazing.”

TANYA GOODALL SMITH

“One of the most beautiful, well-done, artistic, real magazines I have ever seen. Beautiful work.”

BILL DAHLIN

“PHENOMENAL.”

JENA PONTI JAUCHIUS