BOOMING!

And because Life After 50 is so popular, that can make finding the latest edition challenging. But there is one place you can ALWAYS find Life After 50, and that’s at any one of our local Safeway stores.

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We want to say a big “THANK YOU” to these Safeway stores for their commitment to our seniors. And please, the next time you’re in Safeway tell them…

“Thank you for making a space for Life After 50!” good balls is too expensive and decides to use an old cut-up ball instead. He opens his bag and gets the old ball, tees it up and addresses it. Just as he commences his back swing, a mighty voice comes from on high: “Use the new ball.”

He figured any advice from such a source is worth following, so he picks up the old ball and tees up the new one again. He starts his back swing but once again is interrupted by a voice from the sky: “Take a practice swing.”

The man steps away from the ball and rehearses his swing. Just as he steps forward to readdress the ball, the voice speaks again: “Nope, use the old ball.”

Submitted by Ben Kuckel Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients to be discharged. A patient was being discharged, so a nurse entered the room to find an elderly gentleman sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet.

The nurse asked him to get in the wheelchair. He responds, “I don’t need a wheelchair. I can walk.”

After a chat about the rules and upon the nurse’s insistence, he reluctantly got into the wheelchair. They took the elevator down and the nurse wheeled him to the main door.

“Is your wife picking you up?” she asked.

He said, “No, she should still be up in the room changing out of her hospital gown in the bathroom.”

Submitted by Bob Breazeale

Professor Johnson is a stickler for punctuality, especially for tests. Anyone not in their seat when the test begins automatically flunks.

Last Monday, the professor returned to his office after giving a test and found four young men waiting. They explained that they had all been at one of their parents’ beach houses all weekend studying. They left in plenty of time to make the test but they had a flat tire. By the time they fixed it, it was too late. They begged the professor for a makeup test.

Professor Johnson agreed to give them a different test at noon. Since that was also his lunch hour, he put each of them in a separate office so they couldn’t see or speak to one another. He handed them each a test that had only one question: Which tire went flat?

Submitted by Helen Curtis

A woman came into my work wanting to return a mirror. She said the reflection didn’t look like her anymore.

Submitted by Charlie & Hap Jordan

“Old” is when…your sweetie says, “Let's go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one. I can't do both!”

“Old” is when…your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

“Old” is when…a sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

“Old” is when…going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

“Old” is when…you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

“Old” is when…you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

“Old” is when…“getting a little action” means you don't need to take any fiber today.

“Old” is when…“getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

“Old” is when…an “all-nighter” means not getting up to use the bathroom.

But, seriously, “old” is when you are not sure if these are actually jokes.

Submitted by Jane Quarles

One day when I was out shopping, a striking blue blouse with long sleeves caught my eye. I bought it without trying it on but once I got home, I noticed the sleeves were past my fingertips.

When I showed my boyfriend, I told him, “That proves it!”

He asked, “Proves what?”

“It proves that I didn’t come fom apes like most people think,” I replied.

“How do you know?” he said with a smile.

I showed him my sleeves and said, “Because my arms are too short.” ■

To match you with the right Medicare Advantage plan to meet your needs

Humana is committed to providing you with the right Medicare coverage for you.

That means helping you choose the plan that meets your healthcare needs and your budget. Like a Medicare Advantage plan that includes everything Original Medicare has—and may have benefits you might not get with Medicare Part A and Part B.

Humana strives to go above and beyond to help you get the care you need. That’s called human care.

Stop by and speak to a licensed Humana sales agent in your community

Humana MarketPoint® office 7700 532 719 (TTY: 711)

Come visit me at: Humana MarketPoint® office

5310 N Nevada Ave Colorado Springs, CO 80918 Monday - Friday, 8 AM - 5 PM

A more human way to healthcare™

Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO, PPO and PFFS organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal. At Humana, it is important you are treated fairly. Humana Inc. and its subsidiaries comply with applicable federal civil rights laws and do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, ancestry, ethnicity, marital status, religion or language. English: ATTENTION: If you do not speak English, language assistance services, free of charge, are available to you. Call 877‑320‑1235 (TTY: 711).

Español (Spanish): ATENCIÓN: Si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística. Llame al 877‑320‑1235 (TTY: 711). 繁體中文 (Chinese): 注意：如果您使用 繁體中文，您可以免費獲得語言援助服務。

請致電 877‑320‑1235（聽障專線：711）。

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