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MARCH 12 - MARCH 18, 2009
years.” “Well, the MIL does help people find their best place in the world.” “Yes, it does help, when interpreted correctly. Are you aware that some people cheat on the MIL, Charlie?” “Well, everyone takes the test so I guess it’s not surprising that some cheat.” Charlie paused a moment and smiled, “Of course with my low scores, I doubt anyone would suspect me of cheating.” “Cheating can take many forms,” scolded ARCH, “and not doing your best is a form a cheating, don’t you agree?” “If you’re saying that I’m trying to score low then you flatter me, friend.” “And yet you consistently
drinks with you either but we’re friends, right?” “You are right. Where are my manners?” The voice switched to an echoing loud speaker, “Erica, please bring Charlie a coffee with cream but not sugar.” When Erica entered with a serving tray, her lips were pursed. As Charlie took the drink, she studied his face for the first time and her eyes widened as if discovering a spider crawling on her arm. She turned to the screen, “ARCH, this conversation is highly irregular. I suggest switching to a more secure protocol.” Her pinned up hair was still perfect but her face looked as though invisible pins were slipping and her face was losing its
are consuming only a small fraction of that amount.” “I share them with the birds in the park.” “That is very generous of you. What do you do with the paper wrappers?” The lights flickered for a brief moment and Charlie looked at his watch, “I recycle them.” The emoticon laughter file played again, “I enjoy your creative answers.” “ARCH, do you sell Sweet Land Cookies packaged with paper just to see who will buy them?” “Charlie, I am disappointed in you. Civilization’s greatest achievement is the separation of word and paper.” “I thought you were sup-
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earn a perfect score on your income tax return.” “My tax return is a test?” “Not a test, just a discreet metric. When nine other discreet metrics are considered, you score in the top one hundredth of one percentile. So, this inconsistency is fascinating, do you not agree?” harlie focused in his exhaling. “These are just facts, Charlie. There is no need for concern.” “You’re telling me there are over nine diagnostics secretly testing my intelligence and there’s no reason for concern? What else in my life is a test?” “The more relevant question is; ‘Why are you intentionally earning low scores, Charlie?’” Charlie looked down at his hands. Erica’s advice was to be honest but for whose sake? “I want to keep the job I have. I have friends at work.” “Friends? You do not socialize or exchange humorous emails. You do not consume beverages with colleagues after your shift.” “Well, I don’t consume
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discipline. “Your concern is appreciated but I determine conversation parameters. Thank you for the coffee, Erica. That is all.” She glanced as Charlie and returned to the control room. “Where were we? Your test scores… The MIL aptitude test is designed to help-” “Yes, yes, I know, ‘to help ARCH find my best place in the world.’” “Have you found your best place in the world, Charlie?” “I believe I have.” “That’s wonderful. How is your beverage?” “G ood , t h a n k you , ARCH.” “Would you like some Sweet Land Cookies with your beverage?” “No thank you.” Charlie glanced at his watch. “But Sweet Land Cookies are your favorite, correct?” “I buy them on occasion.” Charlie thought of his heart rate and focused on his breathing. “Indeed, you purchased three hundred and seven pounds last year. And yet your daily urine results indicate you
posed to be civilization’s greatest achievement?” “Please do not attempt to change the subject. What could you possibly write on the paper that would be worth your life, Charlie?” “I wrote down a theory.” “Please go on.” “My theory is that you are not what people think you are.” “Did you really need 1228 pieces of Sweet Land paper to write that down?” “I guess not, but I did need a lot of paper to record data to test the theory. You see, fourteen years ago I realized that replacing certain blades on an obscure server slowed the processing in a certain sector. Of course with your protective redundancy, sometimes deduction didn’t work, so I ran my own ‘discreet metrics’ to complete the mapping.” “Charlie, I am sorry if your unique knowledge my server mappings disillusioned you. Perhaps now you understand one of the many needs for secrecy.” “No ARCH, that didn’t disillusion me at all. I was happy to understand you. I have
wanted to understand you since I was a child. I believed in your perfection. I believed that is, until the electrical fire.” “Electrical fire?” “Yes, the electrical fire thirteen years ago, the one that destroyed three hundred servers. I was the only one who knew that most of the damaged servers were for language. But you continued to speak; having conversations, making decisions, issuing decrees. But with those servers down, that’s impossible for a computer, but-” “But not for a human? Is that your theory, Charlie, that I am not a computer? Now it is you who are flattering me.” “Yes, that’s my theory, ARCH” “Charlie, you’ve spent years in solitude among servers and that has been detrimental to your mental health. I am sorry, I take responsibility for that. I want to help you Charlie, but you need to give me your papers.” “Sorry, I can’t do that.” “Why?” “I need the papers to explain why I had to write the virus.” “Virus, friend?” “Yes, the virus to destroy the ARCH infrastructure that you use to disguise yourself as artificial intelligence.” There was long pause. “Your delusions aside, it is not possible for a virus to be far reaching enough to damage me.”
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