Dandelions or Orchids: Raising Resilient Children (The Glen, Winter 2024)

All children deserve to thrive and learn how to navigate the nuances of life so that they can reach optimum success. A child’s upbringing highly determines their outcome. Psychologist Bruce J. Ellis and paediatrician

Dr. Thomas Boyce believe that most children are like dandelions — they are resilient and can cope and thrive in tough conditions because they know how to get what they need for survival. On the other hand, orchid children are described as overly nurtured, highly sensitive and wilt very easily when they are on their own. Good parenting is hard work and parents and caregivers must decide what kind of children they want to raise.

Ultimately, we want to raise children with good psychological resilience, which is the ability to cope and bounce back from adversity. The acceptance of success and failures is an essential learning experience for students as it helps in their growth and development and builds resilience. Certainly, they will not win every race or get perfect on all assignments. How they navigate the unexpected turns, and life’s ups and downs will help to shape them. But it starts with understanding setbacks are normal. Ideally, we want children to be able to embrace discomfort, move forward beyond disappointments, and thrive.

Therefore, teens must be exposed to the normal problems of adolescence so they can develop and hone their problem-solving (life) skills. That means parents must resist the urge to rescue their teens from their mistakes and allow them to experience the consequences from their poor choices. This will prepare them for the tough times/challenges, that they rise to the occasion and not crack under pressure. They must be equipped with the tools they need so they are able to complete multiple assignments in a short timeframe and they do not make poor decisions, such as plagiarizing an assignment when they have procrastinated.

World-renowned Resilience expert Michael Ungar, Ph.D., clinician and Director of Resiliency research at Dalhousie University, contends resilience is built when there is stress exposure and people are given the capacity to navigate their way to the resources they need. Furthermore, he insists resilience is not just about strengthening children’s internal capacity, but that their environment must provide them with the necessary resources for wellbeing. Children should be involved in the processes that allow them to overcome adversity. They need structure, consequences, parent-child connections (or a strong connection to at least one caring adult), social support, rights and responsibilities, mentorship, a nurturing environment, safety and support, a sense of control, a sense of belonging or purpose, counselling (when needed), etc. We know parenting is hard work, but our children deserve it. BVG is committed to giving students what they need to do well and work in partnership with parents for their best outcomes.

Arguably, there are many parenting 'experts,' each believing their position is the right approach to parenting. Parents have to do their own research to see which approach resonates with them best. The Director of Student Wellbeing and the Parent Association have launched the BVG PA Book Club which is a space for parents and caregivers to get together, read selected books geared to parents and critique their varied approaches. Our first book club review was in Fall, 2023. The next book club book referral is below. Parents and caregivers are welcomed to join in as we explore together.

Antoinette Morgan, MA, MSW, BSW, RSW, Director of Student Well-being

Further reading:

The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Some Kids Struggle and How All Can Thrive” by Dr Q. Thomas Boyce, MD

All Books by Michael Ungar, Ph D

Book club book referral:

“Drop the Worry Ball: How to parent in the Age of Entitlement” by Alex Russell with Tim Falconer

Mental Health Supports:

Kids Help Phone: 1(800)668-6868 or online for 24/7 support for children and youth

Find a therapist: Psychologytoday.com