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WEEKLY VISITS THAT CHANGED OUR FAMILY’S LIFE BY
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stacy trasancos
bout six years ago my husband suggested we take our children to visit an elderly person once a week to teach them about respect and giving. At the time we had a 9-year-old boy, Max, and two baby girls, Abigail and Grace. Our parish put us in touch with a man we call “Mr. Ray.� Right away Max and Mr. Ray discovered that they were a good match at checkers. We developed a routine of visiting a few hours each week and just chatting while they challenged each other. Mr. Ray was hard to beat. Max taught him other games and they sparred at those while the little sisters searched for toys around his house. Perhaps spending two hours a week losing a checkers game wasn’t the pinnacle of excitement for a young man, but we sensed very early that these visits were meaningful. Over the next few years Max came on the weekly visits less as he became busier with school activities, but the girls still visited with me. Our family was changing, but Mr. Ray was there. He helped to welcome three more children into our family. Checkers was phased out by preschool card games, and a weekly ritual of eating cookies began. Mr. Ray also began to collect enough lollipops at the bank to pass out to each of our children, just little things. We developed a seasonal pattern of sitting by the indoor stove during cold weather and on the back porch during warmer weather. We shared our holiday meals and brought him palm branches at Easter for his wife’s grave, who we learned had died on the very same day Abigail had been born. When the girl’s started school at St. Mary’s Elementary in Worcester, we were surprised when Mr. Ray told us he was born and raised a few blocks away from that school and even attended it as a boy. When we decided to name our next daughter after my grandmother, Marie, Mr. Ray had many questions about her. They had both lived full lives serving large families, and they both lived alone now with their memories. My grandparents lived all their lives in Texas, raising their family together on the same piece of land. Daily habits were different, but the reasons were the same. She cooked the beef they raised on their farm. Mr. Ray’s wife made Italian dishes with the tomatoes they raised in their garden. He felt such a connection to my grandmother that he sent her a card when she got sick and was placed in a nursing home. When she died, we talked a lot about life and death, spirituality and the body. He helped me grieve. There’s much to be learned from someone who has lived so much longer than you have.
It gives you a new perspective. Someday I may be alone. What stories will I have to tell? Who will listen? In many of our conversations, Mr. Ray explained how he had never seen a doctor in his life and didn’t intend on doing so ever. On one of our visits we found Mr. Ray unconscious in his home. I called 911 to take him to the hospital and hoped he would forgive me for breaching his record. The hospital stay was filled with tests and surgery for a pacemaker. Afterward, he was placed in a nursing home and developed pneumonia. He told me that he felt ready to die. He was sick and in pain, unsure if he’d ever leave the nursing home. I can never know for sure what happened in his mind, but from what he’s told me he held on because he knew he had a purpose to live. I will always be amazed at how we happened to visit just in time when he needed help. Two years later, I would see him give our newest daughter, Lucy, a Mr. Ray cookie. The even more amazing thing is since he left the hospital he doesn’t seem to have aged, but to have gotten younger. We don’t visit in his living room or back porch anymore. No! Mr. Ray has started planning outings for us. He stretches us to do things that I wouldn’t normally do with the children. The addition of a little boy named Jack makes six children in our home now and Mr. Ray is a big help when we go places. We had a picnic at the park where Mr. Ray pushed swings and helped the kids do the monkey bars. He had more energy that I did! There was one particular outing that we will never forget. This past fall he planned a trip for us to the Beirne family-run Berlin Orchards. He arranged everything. We picked apples, took a hayride, painted our faces and our pumpkins, rode the horses, played with the chickens and ate our picnic lunch. It was a beautiful day full of smiles and love. I am so thankful for that memory and I look forward to more of them with Mr. Ray. Our friendship with Mr. Ray has turned into something greater than just a weekly visit. It has taught our children so much, adding depth to our lives and purpose to his. The gift of his friendship will outlive Mr. Ray because he has changed our family’s life. Someday eighty years from now I hope my children pass the same gift on to other families‌checkers, cookies, swings and smiles. Thank you Mr. Ray. Stacy Trasancos is a wife, homemaker and mom of six. She and her husband, Jose, are raising their family in Shrewsbury.
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