Very Special People

BY MELISSA ERIKSON

When a child is struggling in school, a diagnosis of dyslexia can be a sign of hope.

“Believe it or not, the first piece of advice is to be grateful. Having a name for the reason a child is struggling is an important first step to getting services and support,” said Sheldon H. Horowitz, senior advisor of strategic innovation, research and insights at the National Center for Learning Disabilities.

“The next important step is to start talking about dyslexia. Children should be helped to understand that their frustration with learning does not reflect a lack of interest or effort, that they are not less smart or less capable than their peers, and that there is no shame in needing a different type of instruction when it comes to reading,” Horowitz said.

Learning and attention issues are more common than many people think, affecting 1 in 5 children.“The vast majority will have difficulties in one or more aspects of reading,” Horowitz said.

Dyslexia is a specific learning disorder that impacts reading, Horowitz said. It is not a disease; it’s not contagious. It’s not something a child will outgrow. It is not the result of watching too much TV, laziness, vision or hearing problems, or low intelligence.

“The medical community refers to it as a disorder, and the educational community refers to it as a specific learning disability. Others are dyscalculia, if the area of weakness is math; dysgraphia if the problem is writing and written expression,” Horowitz said.

In recent years, new developments have led to greater understanding of the benefits of early recognition of risk and the benefits of early detection, Horowitz said.

“We’ve long known that ‘waiting and watching’ to see if and how literacy challenges evolve into a reading disorder is irresponsible. The good news is that a greater number of educators, especially those who teach children pre-kindergarten to grade three, are learning about structured literacy and the importance of ensuring that children have the essential building blocks needed to develop competencies in reading, spelling and writing,” he said.

Real breakthroughs in identification and intervention are on the horizon. Researchers at a trio of universities have designed a mobile app that teachers can use to screen children for whom learning to read appears to be a stumbling block to their success, as early as age 4.

“Working with a Boston-based nonprofit (Curious Learning) the app is played like a game, with colorful little animals that need to be fed by the correct answers and tasks that test skills such as decoding and working memory,” he said.

Parents can help their child by establishing close working relationships with school personnel.

“Make sure that instructional goals are targeted to the specific needs identified in the child’s evaluation, and that progress is being monitored so that adjustments can be made without delay,” Horowitz said. Encourage reading at home. Think about reading like a braided rope with each strand representing an important component of reading development. “Parents can help by practicing the many skills that children need to master, such as phonological awareness and vocabulary learning, all of which take time and require lots and lots of practice,” Horowitz said.

Art by Dominic Killiany, an artist living with autism

Consider establishing a Family Special Needs Gift Trust. It enables extended family to set aside part of their estate for the benefit of a family member with a disability. In this season of giving, it’s a wonderful way to help.

Contact Meredith H. Greene, Esq. mgreene@fletchertilton.com

WORCESTER FRAMINGHAM | BOSTON | CAPE COD 508.459.8000 | FletcherTilton.com PROVIDENCE

BY MELISSA ERIKSON

Being a parent is incredibly rewarding but also challenging, stressful and exhausting. There are plenty of ways to be a happier parent and enjoy the experience, no matter how overwhelming it may be.

Focusing on being a happier parent is especially important during the pandemic, because a happy parent is more likely to have happy kids, said Dr. Murray Zucker, chief medical officer at Happify Health, a digital therapeutic wellness platform that includes the Happify mental health app.

“Nobody is always happy. To be happy all the time is unreasonable,” Zucker said.

During these hard times we should embrace happiness where we can, and that starts with ourselves. A happy parent is one who has a sense of meaning and purpose, Zucker said. He or she is goal-oriented and has a support system of family and friends.

“They’re involved, not isolated. They’re realistic about their sense of control and have good boundaries. They know how to say no,” Zucker said. All parents want to be good at parenting, but they should also aim to be happy parents, he said.

“You will not feel calm, happy and resilient without paying attention to your physical self, nutrition, diet, exercise and sleep,” Zucker said. But allowing yourself some alone time is necessary to be happy, but not always possible as a parent. This is a really challenging time as parents juggle the many issues involved with the pandemic, from virtual learning and working from home to financial stresses and insecurity over COVID-19. “Take time for yourself through meditation, mindfulness

or activities that are focused just on you. Don’t give up your interests, friends and hobbies. If you start to do that it wears away at you,” Zucker said.

Remember that your children are under pressure as well. “Schedule fixed quality one-onone time with your children. It gives them a sense of security, support and the opportunity to express themselves,” Zucker said. Be sure to stay informed about parenting and child-care resources so when issues like eating disorders, bed-wetting or hyperactivity pop up, you will know where to turn for help, he said.

“Look for signs of your kids not doing well and reach out for help when needed,” Zucker said. That may include scheduling a doctor visit, contacting school officials with questions or attending a support group.

Scheduling regular family meetings helps kids learn accountability and trains them in communication skills, problem solving and conflict resolution,

Zucker said. Everyone from toddlers to teens can take part.

Start with gratitude statements. Have an agenda and time for discussion. Rotate the leadership of the meeting between parents and children.

“It’s OK to share with children that these are tough times, and in tough times double down,” Zucker said. “Double down on the structure in your lives. Double down on the self care. Increase communication and one-on-one time.”

Don’t forget to work on your relationship with your partner, husband or wife. If there are problems there, kids will pick up on it, Zucker said.

“Use introspection to take a look back at your relationship with your own parents,” Zucker said. Are there certain tendencies that you should watch out for or ways that you would like to emulate their parenting?

If you’re still looking for ways to add happiness, try to make someone else’s life happy, Zucker said. “Giving to others makes us feel better. When you include your children you’re modeling this good behavior for them,” he said.

BY DEBBIE LAPLACA

While the pandemic has complicated the work of finding temporary or permanent homes for kids in care, one agency is reporting that “people with more time on their hands” are showing a greater interest in both foster care and adoption.

November is National Adoption Month. This year, many of the ceremonious court proceedings that finalize adoptions have been moved to ZOOM with the official documents arriving later in the mail.

Susan and Wilson Molano received the adoption papers for their 7-year-old daughter by mail on May 29.

“We were thinking March or April to finalize the adoption but that’s when the pandemic hit, and everything shut down,” Susan said. “We were given the option of waiting or process through the mail. We wanted to get that uncertainty settled so we chose the mail.”

The Northampton area couple talked about adoption on and off for years. When their two biological daughters reached their teens, talks turned to action. After considering the options, the Molanos chose adoption from foster care and contacted the state Department of Children & Families (DCF).

“Private adoption is very expensive and there are a lot of restrictions,” Susan said. “We really wanted to help someone who was in the system to have a different fate.”

DCF cares for children from infancy to age 18 and from all ethnic and economic backgrounds.

When called upon, the agency arranges shelter for children in need. Placement with relatives is the preferred outcome but when that isn’t possible, children enter foster care or residential homes. According to the DCF, most of the children in such care are ages 6-12.

DCF continuously recruits to maintain a large and diverse community of foster parents so children can be matched with families they relate to and who can meet their needs. While the advent of COVID-19 has brought about unprecedented circumstances for everyone involved, the work has continued by transitioning to virtual operations.

The agency contracts with 10 nonprofit adoption organizations to help facilitate the adoption process. Additionally, DCF works with Newton nonprofit Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange. MARE holds the only contract in the state to conduct child-specific recruitment of adoptive parents for children in DCF custody. In other words, MARE is a matchmaker and is credited for bringing the Molano family and their daughter together.

“Our focus is on adoption from foster care and we try to have an influence,” MARE Executive Director Lisa Funaro said. “You don’t need to go to China. We have 1,200 kids who don’t have an identified family right here in the Commonwealth, and it’s our responsibility to take care of our kids.”

During the pandemic shutdown in Massachusetts from March 13 through October 1, Funaro said, 220 Bay State families have adopted kids virtually.

“Overall, the interest among the public for foster care and adoption has actually increased during the pandemic,” she said, adding, “People with more time on their hands are thinking about the important things in life such as starting a family. Plus, the virtual process has become timelier and more sensible.”

While the number of finalized adoptions in the state has increased by 31% since 2016, the COVID-19 riddled fiscal 2020 saw 400 fewer adoptions than 2019.

The most significant downtime was from mid-March to mid-May, when state agencies were figuring out how to safely handle the “kids in care.”

Today, according to MARE, more than 3,400 of the 8,400 or so children presently in foster care are seeking adoption.

The path to adoption differs for every prospective parent but the regulatory requirements are the same.

In Massachusetts, it begins by undergoing a home study by a licensed professional. This essential early step in the process is to ensure children are placed into safe and

prepared homes by verifying the adoptive parent is mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically ready to raise a child.

Once approved, it’s time to select one of three adoption options: from foster care, a domestic infant, or intercountry.

When adoption from foster care is the path, MARE offers pre-placement and postplacement services. They provide personalized matching of children with families across the state.

“We are often the first contact for families considering adoption. We help families navigate the process,” Funaro said.

As for the most difficult foster children to place, Funaro said those who wait the longest are over age 13, have special needs, are in sibling groups, or are children of color.

DCF services and those of its nonprofit partners, such as MARE, are at no cost to the adoptive family.

The private adoptions associated with the two other options carry fees.

Those seeking to grow their family with a domestic infant would work with a private agency to adopt a newborn. The chosen agency would provide all the services associated for the prospective parents and the pregnant women considering adoption, including working with the attorney involved.

On this path, there are varying degrees of openness between the adoptive parent and the birth family. The fees also vary but may include birth parent expenses.

Intercountry adoption also involves working with a private agency. Families must meet the Massachusetts adoption requirements, those of the foreign country, and the U.S. Immigration Service. This method entails fees that could include travel expenses.

November also holds National Adoption Day. In years past, more than 100 kids in Massachusetts were formally adopted during a ceremony at Bay State courts. This year, National Adoption Day will be celebrated on November 20, but COVID-19 restrictions will move the former in-person proceedings to ZOOM, or to administrative processes in driveby fashion.

To add a bit of pomp and circumstance back to the time-honored tradition, MARE is hosting a virtual National Adoption Day celebration for 58 or so of the families who are unable to have that special day in court.

More information may be found in MARE'S waiting child profiles, a resource for getting to know some of the children and teens awaiting adoption, are also online here www.mareinc.org/waiting-childprofiles#gallery

To learn more about becoming a foster parent visit mass.gov/fostercare.

UMass Memorial Medical Center and New England Prenatal and Family Education offer virtual classes for expecting women, new moms, their families and support persons.

Call 855-366-5221 or visit