curve, Ben wishes he had joined a support group sooner. Perspective is also a valued benefit for Neil Holland, who lost his wife to cancer after 43 years of marriage. He says, “Perspective is vital. You’re dealing with new tasks and responsibilities – bathroom care, bathing, feeding, administering meds, learning how to do injections and advocating for your loved one.” He admits it was a challenge to accept being vulnerable and having to ask for help. A publisher, Neil finds strength with counselling and especially values feedback from other men. “It starts with just being there,” he says. “You learn to do your part. Honour your feelings, even the anger and frustration. Use those to speak to authority, including doctors. Be that rock for your loved one.” “If there’s a reward for being a caregiver,” Neil adds, “it’s a satisfaction in stepping up to the plate. I’m happy I was able to be there, even when I didn’t feel able. In a way, you end up doing it for yourself as much as her.”
Peter Denby is active with the South Vancouver Island Soccer Association and recently competed in an international tournament for players over 70. He’s been a family caregiver several times, caring for his mother-in-law until her death at the age of 88, and sustaining his wife through blindness and then cancer. His daughter shares his wife’s genetically caused blindness. “While we cared for my wife, my daughter and I talked about wanting to have no regrets,” he says. “We agreed that you have to give it everything you’ve got. But make sure you take care of your own health, both mental and physical.” That perspective seems to be working for Peter. Now retired from his dental practice, he remains close to his daughter and enjoys travelling to play soccer. Peter feels the long-time friends he and his wife made through their lives together were the kind of support they needed during caregiving. “But you have to be honest with each
Look Closer… In our fast paced world, we often don’t take the time to see individuals. This is particularly true of the elderly within our facilities and our community. And when we don’t see, we don’t recognize needs.
See Me.
Beauty, dignity and the best value in Victoria. The Oak Bay Kiwanis Rose Manor Society invites you to join us at Rose Manor, a comfortable, warm and friendly home in downtown Victoria. 3 meals and 3 tea times Weekly laundry & housekeeping Activies & much more Suites Available Now Call today for a viewing appointment (250) 383–0414
PLEASE show our elderly citizens that you do see and you do care. Join the Eldercare Foundation today in updating care facilities, replacing outdated equipment and funding valuable community programs that help people stay in their own homes longer. Give generously at
1454 Hillside Ave., Victoria, BC V8T 2B7 250-370-5664 • gvef.org
857 RupeRt teRRace, VictoRia
(250) 383–0414 www.rosemanor.ca
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GVEF • See Me 2015 Senior Living
MARCH 2015
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