Centerfold

D The Salsa Guy: The whole game he is busy with the salsa. For some reason, the salsa bottle always seems to levitate away from him, because every two minutes he is poking you to “pass the salsa.”

Hey, I have an idea, why don’t you cool it with the chips a little!

D The Watcher Non-Watcher: The guy who claims that he is not watching the game but stands there the whole game slightly to the left of the screen and watches every second of the game every second of the game but keeps reminding you but keeps reminding you that he is not watching. that he is not watching. Slick move – with two minutes to play and the winning team up by 3 touchdowns, you announce that you’re leaving. Interesting. you’re leaving. Interesting. You were supposed to leave You were supposed to leave an hour and a half ago. What an hour and a half ago. What happened then?

D The X’s and O’s Guy: Sure, you know so much about football. You should be a coach. That’s right, they are “bringing in the nickel package.”

You spotted it! Bill Belichick would defi nitely hire you if he knew you.

D The Volume Guy: He loves to turn up the volume whenever there’s a big play so he can hear the analysis.

Dude, you don’t have to turn up the volume. You can hear the announcers just fi ne on the blasting volume that we had the game on the whole time! Big play does not equal whole time! Big play does not equal big volume!

D The See-Nothing Person: He or she keeps wondering why people watch football. “I don’t get it. They just seem to be standing it. They just seem to be standing around doing nothing the whole around doing nothing the whole time!”

That’s right. All they do is stand around. So, I have a good idea – don’t waste your time watching!

D The Refs Are Cheating Guy: He’s throwing projectiles, slamming his hands on the couch cushions, grabbing his yarmulka…. “That was the worst call I ever saw!!”

Hey, listen buddy, the ref can’t hear you, OK? Settle down; don’t pop an artery – or my eardrums!

D The You Think They Are Happy Guy: He’s the guy who reminds you the whole game that these the whole game that these sports players are really sports players are really miserable, jacked up on miserable, jacked up on steroids, and have no steroids, and have no lives. OK. I get it. They are horrible, miserable people. Guess what? I really don’t care. I enjoy watching them play.

Three guys from LA, Boston and New York meet an angel.

The guy from LA starts crying and says to the angel, “It was the highlight of my life when the Dodgers won the 2020 World Series; when will they win it again?”

The angel replies, “In two years.”

The guy from Boston then has a chance to talk to the angel and recalls all of the Patriots’ Super Bowl victories. “But now we don’t have Tom Brady anymore,” he cries. “Will we ever get back to the big game?”

The angel responds that he should not worry; a new quarterback will come along and they will win the Super Bowl again within fi ve years.

Finally, the guy from New York gets to talk to the angel and says, “When will my beloved Jets win a Super Bowl?”

The angel starts to cry.

1. Which number pick was Tom

Brady in the 2000 draft? a. 1st b. 29th c. 42nd d. 199th

2. Which baseball team was Brady drafted by (as a catcher) in the 18th round? a. Mets b. Red Sox c. Montreal Expos d. Cincinnati Reds Bowls did he make it to, though? a. 6 b. 8 c. 11 d. 14

5. Which one of the following companies was in existence when Tom Brady started his

NFL career? a. Tesla b. Amazon c. Facebook d. Twitter

3. In the Super Bowl, Tom Brady will be going up against Kansas

City’s sensational quarterback

Patrick Mahomes. What grade was Mahomes in when Tom

Brady won his fi rst Super Bowl? a. Kindergarten b. 3rd grade c. 7th grade d. 9th grade

4. Tom Brady did not make it to the Pro Bowl this season, in what many are calling “The Pro Bowl snub.” (I’m sure he will get over it.) How many Pro 6. Who is the oldest quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl and what age was that player when he won (in other words, at age 43, whose record age 43, whose record b. An autographed winning is Brady trying to is Brady trying to game ball break)? c. An Audi Q7 SUV a. Tom Brady, age Tom Brady, age d. A brand new Samsung TV 41 b. Payton

Manning, age 39 c. John

Ellway, 42 d. Bret Favre, 40 7. Which of the following is not one of Brady’s nicknames that other players call him? a. TB12 b. Tom Terrifi c c. Touchdown Tom d. GOAT e. The Pharaoh f. Comeback Kid g. Sir h. Giant Slayer

8. After the 2007 season, when the Patriots went 16-0, what did Brady give each of the 5 starting o ensive linemen who protected him that season? a. Tickets to a cruise of their choice b. An autographed winning game ball c. An Audi Q7 SUV d. A brand new Samsung TV

9. What is Brady’s Super 9.

Bowl record? a. 4-4 b. 6-4 c. 4-6 d. 8-2

Answers: 1. D 2. C 3. A 4. D 5. B 6. A 7. H 8. C 9. B Wisdom key: 7-9 correct: Let me guess, you are one of those guys who walks around with a No. 12 jersey because “Me and Brady wear the same number.” 4-6 correct: Not bad – not as good as Brady’s Super Bowl record, though. (By the way, if you think I am a Tom Brady fan, uh, yeah, he is the best at what he does. I like Michael Jordan, too.) 0-3 correct: J-E-T-S JETS, JETS, JETS!