OUR LIFE ALL TEA, NO SHADE: DISHIN’ WITH THE DUCHESS
New Year, New You by
OUT-SKIRTS
Pssst, You Wanna Buy a Jointer? by DANIELLE ARIANO
I
have a garage full of tools. I have so many tools that it’s difficult to keep the garage neat enough to get to the wheelbarrow without tripping over the sawhorses or air compressor, which drives my wife, Lindsay, crazy. Now, before you assume that I’m just another stereotypical lesbian, I feel inclined to tell you that I’m a cabinetmaker. Tools are my livelihood. When I buy a new jigsaw it’s practically the same thing as a clothes designer buying fabric, an artist buying paint, the Grim Reaper buying a scythe. The problem is that I also buy tools that I don’t need, which is sort of like the Grim Reaper buying an ax. And a gun. And a machete. Two years ago when I took Lindsay to Gettysburg for her birthday we strolled the streets, stopping in all of the quaint shops, where I saw plenty of things that I would’ve liked, but nothing that I felt compelled to buy. When we reached the antique mall, however, I laid my eyes on a spoke plane. It sat on a glass shelf next to a menagerie of shiny lighters and civil war belt buckles. A thin white thread was attached to it. At the end, there was a tiny square of paper with a handwritten price: $7.00. I felt weak in the knees. Spoke planes are used to round out the corners of a square piece of wood. In all my years as a cabinetmaker, I’d had the need for a spoke plane exactly once, sort of, but that didn’t matter. Lindsay, who had been strolling around found me there, ogling the hand tool. “What’s that?” she asked. “A spoke plane,” I said reverently. “Re-
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GAY LIFE / JANUARY 2015
member when I made your belt rack? I could’ve really used that to make the dowels.” “Well, if it’s something you need…” she said, looking a bit unsure. Before she could finish, I darted up to the register and told the man behind the counter that I was interested in the spoke plane in booth number two. When I went back to work on Monday, I tossed the plane in my tool tote, where it hasn’t seen the light of day in two years. I’ve never even sharpened the blade. Not long after that purchase, the handsome, blue-eyed UPS guy who delivers packages to my work came in and dropped a few boxes on the floor. “Hey,” he said to my co-worker, “Does your shop have any use for a portable jointer? I’ve got a Craftsman that I’m looking to sell.” I heard him from across the shop and froze. For the fleeting-est of fleeting moments, Lindsay’s disapproving face floated through my mind, followed by an image of our overstocked garage. I could see her tripping over my tools, could hear her angry voice cursing as she retrieved the weed whacker, but just as quickly, I decided that with a little rearranging, I could fit my new jointer in the back corner and that Lindsay would hardly notice it. Before I knew it, I’d made a deal to buy the thing for a $75, a bargain by any standard. In the past year I haven’t gotten around to breaking the news to Lindsay about this purchase nor have I gotten around to cleaning the garage out to make room for the new addition. It sits in the shop storage room collecting dust. Every time the UPS guy comes in, he points to it and laughs. “Hey Ariano, you really needed that jointer, huh?”
CARLTON SMITH and AARON DAVIS
Greetings Family! Are you ready for 2015? How was your New Year’s celebration? Did you pop the champagne and let the bubbly go straight to your head and scarf down appetizers while counting down to midnight, singing old "Auld Lang Syne?" I’m sure the evening went by fast. Maybe you passed out on someone’s couch, or maybe that date you came to the party with wasn’t the one you woke up to on Jan. 1 #Scandalous #HolyPanicAttack #CallingforDrBombay! When we have those moments of regret and losing control, who can we call or talk to? Are there any resources that you can call for help! Well, let me introduce you to a colleague of mine and who can assist you with some resources to help assist you—Aaron Davis:
I
t’s hard to believe that 2014 has come to an end! One of the phrases I hear a lot from people around this time of year is “New Year, New You”; however, I think a lot of people neglect the importance of starting the New Year off with good sexual health. The holiday season is a time of partying and merriment, and people who are extra festive often get involved in situations that have you waking up, as Carlton stated, with more than just the “holiday spirit”. Here are some ways of starting the New You in the New Year off right: HIV TESTING There is no shame in enjoying the pleasures that come with this time of year, but it is important that you take responsibility for yourself as well as others with a new HIV test if you have not done so recently or ever. The Baltimore City Health Department (410-396-4398) and the Maryland Prevention and Health Promotion Administration (410-767-5227) can assist you with finding agencies that offer free HIV rapid testing. You can also purchase the OraQuick In-Home HIV Test (the same used in many health clinics) from local chain stores like CVS, Walgreens and Walmart for $39.99
Aaron Davis and Carlton Smith
and perform the test in the privacy of your own home. A final tip for receiving an HIV test could be to include it into your annual physical from your primary care doctor. PRE-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS Pre-Exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a new method available to individuals who are HIV-negative where one pill used to treat HIV is taken once daily thereby reducing your risk of HIV being transmitted to you. The CDC recommends PrEP for individuals who may put themselves at risk for infection through sexual contact, including those in a relationship with a partner living with HIV, and individuals who inject drugs. Contact Chase Brexton (410-837-2050) and Star Track Baltimore (410-706-6000) to see if PrEP is right for you. OTHER SAFETY CHECKS It is also important that you get screened for other sexually transmitted infections that put you at a greater risk of being infected with HIV or transmitting it to others. This includes getting screened for syphilis, an STI very prevalent in Maryland, particularly in the Baltimore area. Also, consider getting screened for Hepatitis B and C as well as getting an annual Pap smear to test for the presence of HPV that can lead to anal cancer if gone untreated.
BALTIMOREGAYLIFE.COM