Self-Destruction

He told me to come here. I walked down the hill as usual. The pitch-black sky let only the long grass to be seen. I felt my bare feet touching the pricks and leaves fallen from trees. “Isn’t this so much more peaceful?” I heard Denton say and turned around to look for him. “I can barely see you, come closer” I said, and he pointed ahead of me Up front was the river I had seen my entire life but had never put much attention to I assumed he was suggesting we get in, so I walked down the mud path and felt the cool breeze on my face, the hairs on my arm stood up as I got closer to the water. Now I was close enough that drops of water landed on me and I could fully hear the fast current. The water felt cold when I stepped in, so I slowly backed out. “Isn’t the cold water so refreshing?” said Denton who was next to me already halfway submerged in the water. This changed my mind, it did in fact feel refreshing I started to step in deeper when I felt a buzz in my pocket. A call. “Hey” it was my mother “can you come home please? Dinner is ready, where exactly are you?” I had completely forgotten about dinner “Mom in in the hill, well a little farther, I am in the river” I heard a gasp “Leni what are you doing there, get out immediately, you can’t be alone there.” This was weird to me considering she always let me do what I wanted if it had to do with nature “Mom its fine I’m just going for a little swim, I realized I have never gotten in the river and I’m not alone I’m with-” she cut me off immediately “I forgot to tell you, last week two boys drowned in the river, it has an incredibly dangerous current, come home now.” With this I got out quickly and told Denton I had to go. He seemed disappointed and got out too, after all he had always wanted to go in.

Dinner was the usual questioning of how school was and what my daily activities outside of the house were I hadn’t acknowledged Baxter sniffing my feet, so when I noticed him, I reached down and felt his soft fur on my fingers. His collar was tight on his neck, so I loosened it, and he thanked me with a soft bark as he walked to his little bed. “Leni, we want to talk about you being in the lake today” I looked up to see my dad pursing his lips while staring at me intensely. My face felt hot “It really was not a big deal dad, I would have never got in if I knew about the boys, who were they anyways?” The warm smell of lasagna was filling up the air “It was that Fernandez boy you used to hang out with when you were little, I still don’t understand why you stopped” my mother said, “oh and Luis’s little brother.” My heart dropped when I heard this, that kid could not have been older than nine years old. I remembered that time I almost died when I was seven, it was in my old town. I admit I was not a normal kid; the others never seemed to like me or feel comfortable around me I seemed to always have something to say that freaked them out. It was a normal day under the California blazing sun, kids went out and drove their scooters, I had decided to ride with my friend. As we passed the hot rough pavement something inside of me told me to jump off, I cannot explain where it came from, but it had a strong persuasion over me. I jumped off and felt my skin craping from me and burning all over my body. After that we had to move, apparently kids thought I it made me weird. “May I be excused?” every time I remembered that occurrence I needed to breath

Outside on the porch I watched as Baxter smelled the same flowers he had his whole life. The pink tulips and orchids were his favorite, smelling like freshly cut grass. “You busy?” a raspy voice said, “Denton, how many times do I have to tell you to stop sneaking up on me like that.” He laughed and my heart felt warm, his smile made me forget every thought that was bothering me before The stairs of the porch creaked as I walked down them towards him. “Actually, do you think we can go in? I am a little hungry and am craving one of your special sandwiches” this excited me, he never accepted my food was good, and he was right most of the time I must admit. I almost left Baxter outside and had forgotten completely he was there. He usually barked when visitors came, yet he seemed to like Denton. My kitchen was empty which meant my parents were most probably asleep. Denton always seemed to be shy when it came to them, in the three years we have been friends, he still had not met them I always assumed he liked me and wanted to make a good impression, but I’d never tell him that. “My knife is gone” I whispered, he heard me “Use that one.” My mother’s sharpest knife was on the counter, I was completely forbidden to use it, the real reason I was such a bad chef was that I might end up leaving fingers in the food. Yet, it was Denton, so I tried to be careful and used to cut a tomato. The floor barely sounded as he walked to the bathroom “What the hell are you doing?” my wide-eyed mother was staring at me in complete shock. When I looked down the tip of the knife was touching my chest, inches away from my heart. “Wait” I tried to say as she walked over to me and abruptly took the knife from my hands. She screamed at me “I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS, IT’S BEEN, NINE YEARS AND YOU ARE STILL WITH THESE WEIRD INTRUSIONS LENI, ITS NOT OKAY!” I cried as she said she’d take me to the hospital first thing in the morning so without a second to think I ran out the door

Outside on the porch I watched as Baxter smelled the same flowers he had his whole life. The pink tulips and orchids were his favorite, smelling like freshly cut grass. “You busy?” a raspy voice said, “Denton, how many times do I have to tell you to stop sneaking up on me like that.” He laughed and my heart felt warm, his smile made me forget every thought that was bothering me before. The stairs of the porch creaked as I walked down them towards him “Actually, do you think we can go in? I am a little hungry and am craving one of your special sandwiches” this excited me, he never accepted my food was good, and he was right most of the time I must admit. I almost left Baxter outside and had forgotten completely he was there. He usually barked when visitors came, yet he seemed to like Denton. My kitchen was empty which meant my parents were most probably asleep. Denton always seemed to be shy when it came to them, in the three years we have been friends, he still had not met them I always assumed he liked me and wanted to make a good impression, but I’d never tell him that. “My knife is gone” I whispered, he heard me “Use that one.” My mother’s sharpest knife was on the counter, I was completely forbidden

The screams of my mother could be heard from almost a mile away. The damp air of the night tingled against my bear arms and legs. The forest carried all the humidity from the afternoon’s rain and the precipice next to the road looked cold I could not understand what was wrong with me and frustration flourished through me. “Leni what was that!” I jumped and turned around to see Denton running behind me. “Oh my god I am so sorry I don’t understand what is wrong with me” Denton looked at me with pity “I do” he said and stepped closer to me. I felt his warm skin against mine as he hugged me. In that moment, any negative feeling had left my body or mind. He was all I needed, the only person that had ever understood me. That is why when he pushed me past the edge of the road confusion stroke me before realization I held on for dear life and felt my fingers burn against the rough pavement. I must have screamed for help for what felt like an eternity before my arms gave out and only my will was saving me. Sweat drops filled my face and the wind pushed dirt on to it face, making me cough and lose balance. I let myself go and felt my body drop through the depths of the precipice. Denton was not there. There was no one there. There had never been.