LIFESTYLE

BARTENDING ISN'T ABOUT DRINKS

REPORTER: Xulk

You walk into town, completely new, you know nobody, nobody gives a damn about you, what do you do? You get a drink. But it isn’t the drink that you really want, it's the connections, it's the chance to meet people Yet most people don’t have any reason to talk with newcomers, no reason to learn about them, you need a designated person who you feel can approach You need a bartender.

Bartending isn’t about the drinks I’ve been bartending Horde-side for about five years, and I’ve been talking with Stormwind bartenders off-and on I’ve assembled a collection of best practices for bartending and community growth that you might be able to use for your own tavern, inn, or social drinking club.

The most important part is being a host You want to be someone approachable, and you want to approach people Keep conversation going, but don’t dominate it entirely You want to take every newcomer you meet and draw them out of their shell, find out what makes them interesting, and put that on display for everyone else Once people see what is interesting about the newcomer, they will start to interact on their own, and from there you start getting relationships forming Relationships mean consistent regulars and the growth of the space.

To that end, I don’t think good drink mixing and pouring is important, if anything you can do a better job as a bartender pouring drinks poorly People aren’t going to remember a well mixed drink, they will remember you serving wine in a coffee mug decorated with cats Many bartenders are tempted with appearing cool, that shouldn’t be your goal, you are the spotlight that makes other people look cool.

Bar Fights are bad Not only do you risk your patrons and bottles getting damaged, but bar fights are bad for conversation Have you ever tried flirting over the sound of gunshots? Have you ever talked about religion while getting splattered with blood? It doesn’t work. To that end, you shouldn’t employ bouncers If someone’s job is to get violent with patrons, they will come up with an excuse to get violent with patrons

Don’t serve food if you can avoid it Cooking food to order takes too long and takes you away from talking with people, and takes you away from serving drinks If you must serve food, go with food that has been premade If you want to serve hot food, don’t do individual orders, but instead cook large communal meals that you serve to everyone Cooking eight steaks takes not much longer than it takes to cook one steak and can serve as the center point for a conversation You might even be able to bring in customers to help you chop vegetables and the like.

Romance can be great yet fraught You will get patrons who are convinced that they deserve romance, that other people only exist to fill their romantic and sexual needs Now sometimes these patrons aren’t malicious, they simply don’t know any better, having been fed a diet of entitlement and bard tales. They need to be told that treating other people as romantic and sexual targets alone isn’t acceptable Now, I have had more success in this,

I think in part from being male

There is a shitty sort of man who will only listen to another man Sometimes you can break people from this poor behavior if you emphasize the importance of consent and clarify that the point of romance isn’t to assign people to be your partner, but instead the chance to explore the other person

People often get steamy in bars While this depends on the sort of bar you are tending and the community you are trying to support, I do think this should be encouraged within limits. As a general guideline, if people are acting like they are less than a minute away from copulation, you should ask them to go find a room, alleyway or the like to finish

Flirting with patrons can be fun, but you should be careful. Never initiate flirting with patrons. Don’t ignore other customers to flirt with someone cute As a bartender, you act as a guide to what is acceptable in the space Only engage with enthusiastic consent, consent alone isn’t good enough “Yeah, okay ” and similar suggest that someone’s consent might only come from social pressure or intimidation. “Yes, I would love to!” or similar suggest actual interest

Now, this gets more complicated if you have co-workers Not all of your co-workers are interested in flirting You should always default to the most prudish of your co-workers. If one of your co-workers doesn’t want to be flirted with, you shouldn’t either To do otherwise sends mixed messages to patrons and risks putting your co-workers in danger

You will likely be sexually harassed I have no good answers on what to do when this occurs If you can, clearly state disinterest and disapproval I would love to hear about better methods to deal with this sort of behavior.

Your patrons will get harassed in general, often by each other If it isn’t sexual, I usually try and isolate patrons first Most bars have enough room that you can put people on opposite sides of them If a patron repeatedly tries to close that distance, you may have to escalate. Similarly, there is some behavior that is never acceptable in bars: racism, hatred of queerness and of gender You will have to tell people that they are wrong to publicly engage in this If you don’t, you will lose your good customers and your bar will be filled with shitty racists who don’t tip.

If someone does take part in negative behavior, you have a few different options Telling them they are wrong is a good first step If they continue, you can refuse them your services, not only refusing them drinks but also working to cut them off from all conversation. Make them a pariah in the space until they conduct themselves better If you must, report them to authorities If nothing else works, leave If a space is truly unhealthy, you risk your patrons by endorsing it with your presence.

I’ve seen many people complain about drama, or people causing drama Be careful with this Drama is often a reaction to abuse Often the person yelling loudest isn’t the aggressor Don’t just shut people out because they are loud or in pain Now, that said, you aren’t going to be equipped to investigate every conflict, nor is it your job to do so Try and keep the space you are bartending not just calm, but also healthy. Lay out standards for behavior, and enforce them as you can

I spoke on a pile of negatives here, but bartending itself can be rewarding You can help grow a community in a way I haven’t found works with any other method. You can make good friends, or even find a spouse or two along the way. If nothing else, you will find no shortage of stories as you go

I’ve started teaching classes on bartending every few Saturdays, you might be able to attend one soon If not, feel free to stop by the Wyvern’s Tail in Orgrimmar to see me bartend directly (current peace treaties permitting). I look forward to meeting you and talking shop

Q.Dear Ms Nightsky,

I am having issues picking the person I want to spend my life with Two men are interested in me One I have met a few years ago, let’s call him Robert Robert went missing a while back When Robert returned he lost his memory. Myself and a few friends did all we could to try to bring it back, but it never worked Robert told me to leave him alone and to never bother him again Only recently has he gotten his memory back His memory has been gone for nearly a year In that year I grew closer to another person, who I have known for a while. Let’s call him Jake. It was slow, but in the last three months I have fallen in love with Jake, and he has told me he feels the same Robert has recently got his memories back and wants us to pick up where we left off Please help, I feel so lost

-Signed Lost with Love.

A.Dear Lost with Love,

A tough choice to make

Ms Nightsky

Q.Dear Ms Nightsky,

I am writing to ask for your advice on what I should do? I have a friend named Nyla We grew up together She’s not like other ladies I know. I have started to grow feelings for her. However, Nyla is talking about this one guy she seems really into I do not want her to get with this guy, I really want to take things to the next level with her I am scared that if I bring that up to her, she will turn me down and this life long friendship we have will be no longer What should I do, Ms. Nightsky?

Sincerely,

Jackson Kent A.

Dear Mr Jackson Kent,

Getting turned down is a fear of many. It is one of my own fears as well. If you can’t bring yourself to tell her, write a letter Hand it to her personally and ask her to read it when you are not around In the letter explain how she going to be there. There is no, just letting that go. Follow your heart with this one, make a list of what you love and dislike about each of them If you need, tell them both the situation If you knew Jake while you were with Robert, he should be understanding enough to give you time. If they love you, they will want to see you happy. This is the best advice I can give you with this one I do wish you the best of luck, dear indeed, and I truly feel for you Some things happen for a reason How do each of them make you feel? Who do you feel more yourself with? Those are two important questions to ask yourself Are you happy with them both? Which makes you happier? If those are no help to you, then look at it this way, maybe the memory loss of Robert was to bring you closer to Jake If Robert was your first love, that love is always makes you feel, why she makes you feel that way, what you like best about her, all that good stuff and explain you want to try to move the relationship farther Include that you don’t want to lose her as a friend I believe Nyla is interested in you. I think the fact she is telling you she is talking to someone is her way of trying to

Ms Nightsky

Dear Ms Nightsky, get you to make the first move I believe she will come to you with an answer not long after you give her the letter Worst case, she doesn't want that type of relationship with you and she will let you know. Yes, things will be awkward at first, but things will move past that given time I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you Q.

I kinda have feelings for a certain male friend of mine We've gone on several friend dates and we had a lot of fun! However, he keeps getting distracted by another lady who is also a friend of mine. She is very pretty and doesn't do anything flirty, but I feel like he is infatuated with her I don't want to end my friendship with either of them I don't feel like I can tell my lady friend to stop because she isn't doing anything wrong! She is just existing and being pretty. However, I feel wrong saying how I feel to my crush because we aren't official or dating or anything I find myself feeling angry towards my lady friend for holding my crush's attention, and I don't like that Please help! -JG

This happens more often than you would think. There are a few things you could do We can’t help how we feel about things Sometimes we even feel bad about feeling a certain way Don’t hold that against yourself You will only cause pain, depression and sadness from it. Stay positive. You could firstly talk to this lady friend. Tell her how you feel about him. If she’s flirting and doesn't mean anything by it, if she’s a true friend she will stop and maybe even help you gain the guy's attention You don’t even have to ask her to stop flirting, just tell her you have a crush on him. That shouldn’t hurt your relationship with the lady. She may even come out and tell you how she feels about him If I were in your shoes, this would be my first action The second thing you can do is talk to him Take him to the side and explain how you feel I’ve mentioned this before in an answer, he will either admit he has feelings as well and that will grow or he will turn you down At first, yeah, things will be a little strange between the two of you In time things will get back to normal It will just take some time I would do the first thing, find out how the lady friend feels about him, then turn around and talk to him. JG, be strong! Be confident! Don’t punish yourself by holding all those feelings in Get them out and get it off your chest Because if you don’t do it now, there will be regret for it in the future when there is a lady at his side