ORLANDO
aXismag.com
aXismag.com | jan 2015 | p5 ORLANDO
@AXISMAG
50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR SOFA
06
The Spring is almost here, so don’t waste these longer nights!
OTOWN’S HOTTEST BARTENDER
12
Corona Light presents Otown’s finest, Clare from the Knight Library!
2 DECADES OF AXIS MAGAZINE
23 17
14
20 years of providing all the photos that are unfit to print.
SOUNDCHECK > ANDREW WK
16
His shows are absolute anarchy in the funnest sense of the word!
SCENES from NYE @ DOWNTOWN
24
Wall St Plaza was insane as usual, and we have visual proof that your mom can’t see on Facebook.
BURNSY’S ANNUAL RESOLUTIONS
26 14 12
The Mayor is ready for the new year, but his City Beautiful ready?
24
To gain access to exclusive “Behind the Scenes” video footage of all our aXis features and shoots and to stay up to date with all the latest news and events visit us online at www.aXismag.com !
PUBLISHERS: Sean Perry • Rick Wheeler | ADVERTISING INQUIRIES: rhweeler@axismag.com • 407.230.1365 | EDITORIAL INQUIRIES: sperry@axismag.com | COLUMNIST: Ashley Burns DESIGN: Three21 Creative | PROMOTIONS: Matt Verduin • Jimi Killgallon • Dale Black • Pancho Navarette | COVER DESIGN: Steven Shea • Abyssmal.com PUBLISHED BY: Mocomm, Inc. dba aXis Magazine P.O. Box 2391 Orlando, Fl 32802 EVENTS: www.aXisproevents.org © 1994-2015 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No part of aXis Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from Mocomm Inc, Orlando Forida or if you bring us a case of Coors Light.
aXismag.com | jan 2015 | p6
@AXISMAG FOR LINKS TO LISTINGS 25 6 CLUTCH
18
HOUSE OF BLUES 1490 E. LAKE BUENA VISTA DR ORLANDO 407.934.2583/ HOUSEOFBLUES.COM SUN, JAN 04, 6PM, $20+
7 BOOK OF MORMON DR. PHILLIPS CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS 445 S. MAGNOLIA AVENUE ORLANDO 407.839.0119/ DRPHILLIPS.ORG SUN, JAN 04, TIMES VARY, $38.75+
1 THE GAMBLER THURS, JAN 01 DRAMA
Literature professor Jim Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) leads a secret life as a high-stakes gambler. Always a risk-taker, Bennett bets it all when he borrows from a gangster and offers his own life as collateral. Staying one step ahead, he pits his creditor against the operator of an illicit gambling ring while garnering the attention of Frank (John Goodman), a paternalistic loan shark. As his relationship with a student (Brie Larson) deepens, Bennett must risk everything for a second chance.
1 | ORLANDO MUSEUM OF ART
2 PHOTOGRAPHY AND TECHNOLOGY ARTS ORLANDO MUSEUM OF ART 2416 North Mills Ave ORLANDO 407.896.4231 OMA.org MON, JAN 05, 6PM, $10
The New York Times calls it “the best musical of this century.” The Washington Post says, “It is the kind of evening that restores your faith in musicals.” And Entertainment Weekly says, “Grade A: the funniest musical of all time.” Jon Stewart of The Daily Show calls it “a crowning achievement. So good it makes me angry.” It’s The Book of Mormon, the nine-time Tony Award-winning Best Musical from the creators of South Park. Contains explicit language.
8 OF MONTREAL THE SOCIAL 54 N. ORANGE AVE ORLANDO 407.246.1419/ THESOCIAL.ORG TUES, JAN 06, 8PM, $20
Defining of Montreal is impossible. There are too many perspectives to consider, angles to explore, layers to uncover. Just when you think you have a concept of what kind of creature they are, they transform into something unexpected and new.
3 THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2 ANGELS OF DEATH
Angela Vidal wakes up in a high-security quarantine facility, sole survivor and witness to the horrific events inside the building. But does she remember what happened to her? Is she carrying the virus? Distrust spreads through the isolated facility while new, even more deadly forms of evil spread even faster.
5 IT’S GONNA BLOW!!! SAN DIEGO’S MUSIC UNDERGROUND WILL’S PUB 1042 N. Mills Ave 407.748.8256 / WILLSPUB.ORG THUR, JAN 8, 9pm Film, $5
It’s Gonna Blow!!! San Diego’s Music Underground 1986-1996, chronicles a period when San Diego was touted as “the next Seattle.” A motley community of musicians with a do-it-yourself ethos and an aversion to mainstream culture developed their idiosyncratic sounds in the isolation of San Diego, but soon found themselves at the center of bidding wars and expense account lunches. What happened when the outcasts from the sticks became the next big thing?
12 SHIPWRECKED TOUR FT. KEYS N KRATES AND DVNK SINATRV VENUE 578 (FORMERLY FIRESTONE LIVE) 578 N. ORANGE AVE. ORLANDO 407.872.0066/ VENUE578.COM THURS, JAN 08, 10PM, $10+
13 TAKEN 3 FRI, JAN 09 ACTION
Liam Neeson returns as ex-government operative Bryan Mills, whose life is shattered when he’s falsely accused of a murder that hits close to home. As he’s pursued by a savvy police inspector, Mills employs his “particular set of skills” to track the real killer and exact his unique brand of justice.
VENUE 578 (FORMERLY FIRESTONE LIVE) 578 N. ORANGE AVE. ORLANDO 407.872.0066/ VENUE578.COM FRI, JAN 09, 6PM, $25+
15 INHERENT VICE FRI, JAN 09 DRAMA
It’s the tail end of the psychedelic ‘60s and paranoia is running the day and Doc knows that “love” is another of those words going around at the moment, like “trip” or “groovy,” that’s being way too overused—except this one usually leads to trouble.
During the London bombings of World War II, school teachers Eve Parkins (Phoebe Fox) and Jean Hogg (Helen McCrory) lead a group of children in evacuation to Crythin Gifford, a remote village outside of the city. When the group takes up residence at the Eel Marsh House, 40 years after Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) investigated the first haunting, Eve soon realizes they are not alone. The longer they stay in the house, the more the awful past of the residence unravels itself and the evil spirit that lurks around them threatens the well-being of the children. With the help of a pilot (Jeremy Irvine), Eve does all that she can to protect the children and discover the truth behind the Woman in Black.
4 [REC] 4: APOCALYPSE
AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM THURS-SAT, JAN 08-10, 7:30PM, $16+
14 RAEKWON & GHOSTFACE KILLAH
FRI, JAN 02 DRAMA
FRI, JAN 02 HORROR
33 11 RINGLING BROS. & B.B. PRESENTS CIRCUS XTREME
8 | OF MONTREAL
9 WALT DISNEY WORLD MARATHON WEEKEND
ESPN WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS COMPLEX 700 S. VICTORY WAY KISSIMMEE 407.939.4263/ ESPNWWOS.COM WED-SUN, JAN 07-11, 5:30AM, PRICES VARY
The Walt Disney World® Marathon presented by Cigna® is the final race of the weekend, where you will complete the most magical 26.2 miles on Earth. The course takes you through all four Walt Disney World® Theme Parks, starting at Epcot®, continuing on to the Magic Kingdom® Park, Disney’s Animal Kingdom® Park and Disney’s Hollywood Studios before an exhilarating finish back at Epcot®. Plus there’s an all-new Mickey Mouse finisher medal for you to remember the magic.
10 UCF KNIGHTS VS MEMPHIS LADY TIGERS CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM WED, JAN 07, 7PM, PRICES VARY
13 | INHERENT VICE
16 SEETHER AND PAPA ROACH WITH KYING HARD ROCK LIVE 6050 UNIVERSAL BLVD ORLANDO 407.351.5483/ HARDROCK.COM SAT, JAN 10, 7PM, $40+
17 THE “I LOVE THE 90’S” PUB CRAWL KICKS OFF AT WHISKEY DICKS 50 E. CENTRAL BOULEVARD. ORLANDO 407.808.6371/ ORLANDOPUBCRAWL.COM SAT, JAN 10, 8PM, $10
Some of the best venues in Orlando will be playing all things 90’s, and are relying on you to bring us back to the lost decade of Grunge Rock, Hip Hop, Baywatch, Seinfeld, the Simpsons and South Park…yes…it’s been on TV that long! The music was unforgettable, so let’s crawl away to a great decade.
aXismag.com 2014 p10 aXismag.com| |june jan aXismag.com july2015 2014| p9 | p9 ORLANDO
@AXISMAG FOR LINKS TO LISTINGS UCF KNIGHTS VS SMU MUSTANGS CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM SUN, JAN 11, 2PM, PRICES VARY
WHEELING NAILERS AT ORLANDO SOLAR BEARS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM THURS, JAN 15, 7PM, $12.25
19 UCF KNIGHTS VS TULANE GREEN WAVE 26 JIM JEFFERIES CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM TUES, JAN 14, 7PM, PRICES VARY
20 ORLANDO MAGIC VS HOUSTON ROCKETS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM WED, JAN 14, 7PM, PRICES VARY
HARD ROCK LIVE 6050 UNIVERSAL BLVD ORLANDO 407.351.5483/ HARDROCK.COM THURS, JAN 15, 8PM, $35.50
27 BORGORE VENUE 578 (FORMERLY FIRESTONE LIVE) 578 N. ORANGE AVE. ORLANDO 407.872.0066/ VENUE578.COM THURS, JAN 15, 10PM, $26
28 AMERICAN SNIPER FRI, JAN 16 DRAMA
29 WINE FOR WILDLIFE WINE TASTING ORLANDO MUSEUM OF ART 2416 NORTH MILLS AVE. ORLANDO 407.896.4231/ OMART.ORG FRI, JAN 16, 6PM, $50
21 | LETTUCE
21 LETTUCE HOUSE OF BLUES 1490 E. LAKE BUENA VISTA DR ORLANDO 407.934.2583/ HOUSEOFBLUES.COM WED, JAN 14, 7PM, $39+
22 UCF KNIGHTS VS CINCINNATI CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM WED, JAN 25, 2PM, $10+
23 2015 FLORIDA CUP TWO MATCH PLAZA ESPN WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS COMPLEX 700 S. VICTORY WAY KISSIMMEE 407.939.4263/ ESPNWWOS.COM THURS, JAN 15, 5PM, PRICES VARY
24 THE HUNTING PARTY TOUR FT. LINKIN
PARK, RISE AGAINST, AND OF MICE & MEN CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM WED, JAN 14, 7PM, $10+
A classy event that will be sure to please your palate in both food and wine! Wine for Wildlife will take place at the Orlando Museum of Art on Friday, January 16th 6-9pm. Ticket cost is only $5O for advance ticket purchases by January 9th and $55 for purchases after Jan. 9th. FIRST 75 guests receive a souvenir wine glass!
ORLANDO MAGIC VS. OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM SUN, JAN 18, 6PM, $40+
34 RAISING CADENCE WILL’S PUB 1042 N. MILLS AVENUE ORLANDO 407.748.8256/ WILLSPUB.ORG MON, JAN 19, 8PM, $5
35 50 SHADES! THE MUSICAL PARODY THE PLAZA LIVE 425 N. BUMBY AVE ORLANDO 407.228.1220/ PLAZALIVEORLANDO.COM TUES, JAN 20, 7PM, $35+
Don’t restrain yourself! Submit to 50 SHADES! THE MUSICAL PARODY today. This sexy and hilarious send up to Fifty Shades of Grey, the greatest novel EVER, has audiences rolling on the floor and dancing in the aisles! Now it’s your turn to experience the show that has soldout audiences across the country begging for more!
36 UCF KNIGHTS VS TEMPLE CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM WED, JAN 28, 7PM, PRICES VARY
30 THE WEDDING RINGER FRI, JAN 16 COMEDY
31 ORLANDO MAGIC VS. MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM FRI, JAN 16, 7PM, PRICES VARY
32 COLOR IN MOTION 5K OVIEDO GYMNASIUM AND AQUATIC FACILITY 148 S. DIVISION ST. OVIEDO 407.971.5565/ COLORINMOTION5K.COM SUN, JAN 18, 9AM, $30+
How many times have you paid money to run around a few city blocks, drink a cup of warm Gatorade, eat a banana, and be given a t-shirt that you will probably only wear once every two months while doing yard work? Why not color outside the lines while being active, social, and a little wacky! The Color in Motion 5k gives you all these benefits plus unforgettable fun and heaps of memories! By the end of the CIM5k your blank canvas will be brighter than ever--your clothes, health, and outlook on life will be changed for the better!
36 | UCF KNIGHTS
37 ECHL ALL-STAR GAME AT ORLANDO SOLAR BEARS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM WED, JAN 21, 7PM, $32+
37| ORLANDO SOLAR BEARS
aXismag.com | jan 2015 | p10
@AXISMAG FOR LINKS TO LISTINGS 38 GREENVILLE ROAD WARRIORS AT ORLANDO SOLAR BEARS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM FRI, JAN 23, 7:30PM, $15+
39 ORLANDO ROCKS! HOUSE OF BLUES 1490 E. LAKE BUENA VISTA DR ORLANDO 407.934.2583/ HOUSEOFBLUES.COM FRI, JAN 23, 7:30PM, $8
40 MONSTER JAM ORLANDO CITRUS BOWL 1 CITRUS BOWL PLACE ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ ORLANDOCITRUSBOWL.COM SAT, JAN 24, 7PM, $15+
41 WAYNE HANCOCK BACKBOOTH 37 W. PINE ST. ORLANDO 407.999.2570/ BACKBOOTH.COM SUN, JAN 25, 5PM, $12
42 ZAP MAMA HOUSE OF BLUES 1490 E. LAKE BUENA VISTA DR ORLANDO 407.934.2583/ HOUSEOFBLUES.COM SUN, JAN 28, 6PM, $40.50
43 THE “HOSPITALITY CRAZY 80’S” PUB CRAWL KICKS OFF AT EMBER 42 W. CENTRAL BOULEVARD. ORLANDO 407.808.6371/ ORLANDOPUBCRAWL.COM MON, JAN 26, 9PM, $10
43 |
47 WILDSTYLEZ “LOSE CONTROL TOUR 2015” VENUE 578 (FORMERLY FIRESTONE LIVE) 578 N. ORANGE AVE. ORLANDO 407.872.0066/ VENUE578.COM THURS, JAN 29, 10PM, $11
WILDSTYLEZ “LOSE CONTROL TOUR 2015
AXIS ADVANCE TIX ON SALE: DEMETRI MARTIN • FEB 27TH
48 PROJECT ALMANAC FRI, JAN 30 THRILLER
A brilliant high school student and his friends uncover blueprints for a mysterious device with limitless potential, inadvertently putting lives in danger.
49 ANDREW W.K. THE BEACHAM 46 N. ORANGE AVE ORLANDO 407.246.1419/ THESOCIAL.ORG FRI, JAN 30, 6PM, $20+
50 SOUTH CAROLINA STINGRAYS AT ORLANDO SOLAR BEARS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM FRI, JAN 30, 7:30PM, $12.25+
43 | CRAZY 80’S PUB CRAWL
44 UCF KNIGHTS VS TEMPLE OWLS CFE ARENA 12777 GEMINI BLVD N. ORLANDO 407.823.6006/ CFEARENA.COM WED, JAN 28, 7PM, PRICES VARY
45 ORLANDO MAGIC VS. MILWAUKEE BUCKS AMWAY CENTER 400 W. CHURCH ST. ORLANDO 407.440.7000/ AMWAYCENTER.COM THURS, JAN 29, 7PM, PRICES VARY
46 KRIS ALLEN THE SOCIAL 54 N. ORANGE AVE ORLANDO 407.246.1419/ THESOCIAL.ORG THURS, JAN 29, 8PM, $15+
45 | MAGIC VS BUCKS
who: Demetri Martin where: Hard Rock Live when: Fri, Feb 27th • 8pm info: HardRock.com • @HardRockLiveOrl @demetrimartin Here’s some basic facts that will assist in your assessment of the comedian Demetri Martin. Demetri Martin rose to relative obscurity when he started doing stand-up comedy in New York City at the end of the 20th Century. Later he became a writer at Late Night with Conan O’Brien and then a regular performer on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. In 2003, Demetri won the Perrier Award at the International Fringe Festival for his first one-man show, If I, propelling his name to the forefront of the hip NYC comedy scene upon return to the states. He released a comedy album called These Are Jokes and then created and starred in his own television series called Important Things with Demetri Martin. His first stand-up comedy special, Demetri Martin. Person considered by many to be his longest and only hour-long stand-up comedy special. Martin has appeared in movies as an actor, most recently in Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion and most lengthily in Ang Lee’s Taking Woodstock. His first book, This Is a Book by Demetri Martin is a New York Times Bestseller. Demetri has brown hair, and he is allergic to peanuts. You can find him at www.demetrimartin. com, at www.facebook.com/demetrimartin, on Twitter @demetrimartin, and in various places in the actual physical world.
Congratulations Clare on being selected by thousands of your peers, and no doubt patrons, as Corona’s 2015 Hottest Bartender in Orlando! Please allow us to introduce you to the rest of Orlando! Being a Public Relations major at UCF, what are some of your goals after graduation? I hope to go on to receive my Masters Degree and one day work promotions for an animal rights company. So, what do you do with all your FREE TIME at UCF!? Well, I just got a puppy (Leilah) in October. So taking care of her takes most of my time next to school, work, and fitness! Besides that, mostly just hanging with friends and fam! Best night to party at the Knight Library and why? Every night of course! I’ve always especially loved Karaoke Sundays, if I have enough liquid courage to get up there that is! Being at The Knight Library, you have access to a lot of UCF sports fans, what has been the most epic moment at the bar during a UCF sporting event? I would have to say the most epic moment at the bar was this years AAC championship game when there was a Hail Mary thrown for the win in the closing seconds! As a fan, what have been some of your highlights as part of UCF Nation? Getting hired at Library was definitely a huge highlight that has impacted my experience here in the best possible ways. It’s a dream job! Other than that, the opportunity to experience last years groundbreaking football season, and who could leave out tailgates! Using your hospitality marketing knowledge, how would you help a Knight Library patron find their beach with a Corona Light? Give ‘em a couple shots on top of that Corona Light... after a while it shouldn’t be too hard to find their beach! When getting away from the Black & Gold world for a cold Corona Light, where do you find your beach locally? Luckily Orlando has tons of places that could be considered metaphorical “beaches” Personally, I love to go anywhere that I can appreciate beauty/architecture such as in Winter Park or Downtown Orlando. Anywhere I can try something new (especially new food). If you could pick any beach in the world to enjoy a Corona Light, where would it be and why? I want to travel one day and see every beach there is to see, so I’ll get back to you on that! Where do you ‘Find Your Beach’ metaphorically speaking!? Corny but... Anywhere in the presence of the people & puppy I love!
“When you love what you have, you have everything you need.” - Spanish Lime King
20 YEARS
= 240 ISSUES = 72,000 PHOTOS
= 580,000 WORDS = 1 TOO MANY HANGOVERS!
aXismag.com | jan 2015 | p16 ORLANDO
SOUNDCHECK: ANDREW WK
@TWLOHA @HOBORLANDO @ANDREWWK
who: where: when: info:
aXismag.com | dec 2014 | p12
HEAVY & LIGHT featuring Jon Foreman, Dustin Kensrue, The Summer Set and more The House of Blues Sat, Jan 31st • 6pm Doors HouseofBlues.com / @HOBOrlando
HEAVY AND LIGHT began in 2007 as “an evening of songs, conversation, and hope,” held in response to the life and death of our friend Casey Calvert. Casey was a member of the band Hawthorne Heights. He was honest about his own struggles with depression and emerged as one of our biggest supporters. HEAVY AND LIGHT was held at The Social in Downtown Orlando and took its name from the words of a shirt we made and sold to help pay for Casey’s funeral expenses: “Our hearts are heavy and light. We laugh and scream and sing. Our hearts are heavy and light.” The night was a success and the following year, we moved from The Social to House of Blues, to share HEAVY AND LIGHT with a larger crowd. House of Blues was our home for the next three years and the event became not only our flagship event, but our favorite night of the year. Spoken word poet Anis Mojgani was added to the mix and so were local resources. We wanted to do more than just encourage people to get help. We wanted to make it as easy as possible. For that reason, since 2009, every person who has attended HEAVY AND LIGHT has been handed a list of counseling and treatment options for Orlando and surrounding areas. These stories represent the heart of the matter. They are why HEAVY AND LIGHT exists and why we believe in it so much. (courtesy of Jamie Tworkowski)
who: where: when: info:
ANDREW WK The Beacham Fri, Jan 30th • 6pm Doors TheBeacham.com / @TheBeacham
Back in the day we used to email or call a music publicist, put in a request for an interview, schedule the time and then do a ‘phoner’ with respective artist. The phoner would last about 20 minutes and you could only hope for something juicy that the locals would love to read. Or worse case scenario, you made a decent enough connection over the phone, that the artist would then acknowledge you at the show as ‘that guy they talked to on the phone.’ These days almost every interview has been done, rehashed and hashtagged before the artist could possibly get the chance to return a phone call, email or tweet. So it’s almost not worth making the attempt. In Andrew WK’s case, we’re not sure any interview could best his Wiki page intro paragraph. If this doesn’t make you want to go party hard for 75 straight minutes, then we’re not sure what the hell is wrong with you. (Wiki) Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier (born May 9, 1979), better known by his stagename Andrew W.K., is an American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, entertainer, motivational speaker, and music producer. He was the host of the television series Destroy Build Destroy. As a musician, he is known for his singles “Party Hard” and “We Want Fun.” We can’t find anything wrong with this guy so far... See you in the pit... or possibly on stage.
1/15
jim jefferies
1/10
seether and papa roach
COMING SOON 1/16
russell peters
3/13
ron white
1/23
classic albums live
4/18
joel mchale
2/7
bret michaels life rocks tour
4/25
wanda sykes
2/8
celtic thunder
4/25
wilco
2/17
alice cooper
6/6
lisa lampanelli
2/27
demetri martin
led zeppelin i
TICKETS AVAILABLE BY CALLING THE HARD ROCK LIVE BOX OFFICE AT +1-407-351-5483 OR TICKETMASTER AT TICKMASTER.COM OR +1-407-839-3900
artists, showtimes & prices subject to change • all shows are all ages unless otherwise stated
ORLANDO | UNIVERSAL CITYWALK®
#THISISHARDROCK
HARDROCK.COM
©2015 Hard Rock International (USA), Inc. All rights reserved.
UNT2084OL14_wklyHP_4.6x9.5_JAN2.indd 1
1/6/15 4:58 PM
ORLANDO
SCENES from The Iron Bartender Battle @ The Woods • Jan 5th
@aXismag | jan 2015 | p23
more pix at aXismag.com
Congratulations to the crew from SIRO, the winner’s of the 2015 Iron Bartender Battle! Cheers to a tasty second place compliments of the ladies from ’Lil Indies!
TRENDING: @AMERICANHARVESTVODKA @JÄGERMEISTERFUSA @CASAMIGOS @THEWOODSORLANDO #USBG @AXISMAG
SCENES from #NYE @WALLSTPLAZA ORLANDO
@aXismag | jan 2015 | p24
MORE PIX @AXISMAG
more pix at aXismag.com
TRENDING: @COORSLIGHT #MAKEOTOWNCOLDTOWN @DOWNTOWNORLANDO @WALLSTREETPLAZA @AXISMAG
SCENES from #NYE @WALLSTPLAZA ORLANDO
New Year’s Eve @ Wall St Plaza
MORE PIX @AXISMAG
aXismag.com | jan 2015 | p25
Bring your dog or a friend… and enjoy unlimited samples of unique beers, pet vendors, pet contests and live music.
’Serday SY RN Ugo Bng odbye to yest
Sayi tter Otown and demanding a be Ah the New Year, a time for resolutions and promises, as well as hundreds of hungover girls walking down Central and Washington with their shoes in their hands on the morning of January 1. But this is less about shameful journeys marking the beginning of 2015 and more about those lies that we tell ourselves when we say, “This is the year…” This the year that I’m going to take the written word seriously, I say as I crack my knuckles in front of the same computer screen that was used to play “South Park:The Stick of Truth” for way too many hours in 2014.This is the year that I’m going to win a Pulitzer or get Penthouse to publish a letter, I say as I raise my fist in the air and salute my “Hang in there, kitty” poster. But I’m usually full of shit. Don’t laugh, you are, too. We’re all a bunch of dirty, rotten fibbers with no intention of actually losing 10 pounds or learning how to speak Spanish. We won’t even spend five seconds a day brushing up on our Pig Latin. Fortunately, you all have me as a best friend and motivator, someone who can now list some realistic resolutions for everyone in this wonderful city, so we can all work together to achieve these goals – nay, DREAMS! – together. And it all begins with one special act of kindness…
Stop being douchebags.
Seriously, what the hell happened to us, Orlando? We used to be the best city in Florida, the place with the downtown scene that everyone could count on to get drunk and have a good time. We’d all black out as one while enjoying local music or sports, and the next day we’d get excited to get up and do it all again. I blame the new class, the college bros and babes that have grown up and taken over the bar scene. Well guess what, d-bags – 2015 is the year that you grow up a little more and stop fighting, pissing and puking all over town. Either learn how to handle your booze and respect your fellow Orlandonians or move to Tampa, where your kind thrives.
Start winning, Magic.
Date: Where: Time::
Tickets:
Saturday, March 7, 2015 Downtown Baldwin Park 3:00pm-6:00pm (Rain or Shine) $20 in advance $30 at the door
To purchase tickets go to
orlandosentinel.com/bark For exhibitor booth information call Nancy Tharp at 407-420-5599
MUST BE 21 AND OLDER TO ENTER • NO CHILDREN, BABIES OR REFUNDS
Winning or losing, I have tried so hard to be a voice of reason in this town when it comes to expectations from the average bandwagon-jumping fans. Two seasons to rebuild? Fine, that’s better than expected. Three? That’s the norm. Four? You’re really pushing it. Four with an extension for the GM and coach? Holy cow, there’s a set of brass balls hanging between Stuff ’s legs. But anything beyond that is an insult to the few diehard fans who have stuck around to see this thing through. The time for a “quality core” and “young potential” has passed. It’s time to win. I’m not talking 70 wins and a championship, just 40 and the 8 seed. Give me something, damn it, or I’ll be trading in my Magic blue for Orlando City purple.
Quit it with the whole “this restaurant is better than this restaurant” bullcrap.
It used to be that Orlando couldn’t have nice, homegrown restaurants, because the big, bad chains that dominate the tourist areas would drive them into the ground. Now we have a wonderful local scene growing before our eyes, with delightful restaurants of all flavors popping up from downtown to Winter Park and beyond. So when someone asks you, “Bro, which place has better BBQ, 4 Rivers or Pig Floyd’s,” don’t start a whole stupid thing about it. If someone’s like, “Dude, should I get breakfast at Se7en Bites or Zilly Bee’s,” don’t choose. I see this nonsense all the time on Facebook and it’s so annoying and disheartening. Recommend all of them and eat at all of them as often as you can. We need to keep these places in business so they can thrive and not be replaced by Olive Gardens.
Finally, enjoy this city a little more.
This city can be pretty wonderful if you look past the meth addicts trying to rob and kill us. Let’s get back to that level of fun that we had five or six years ago and take advantage of how great we’ve got it a little more than we do now. But mainly, stop being douchebags.We’ll all be better off for it.