The Paper • Page 2 • July 20, 2017
The Blind Hill Cont. from Page 1
make driving suddenly, unexpectedly hazardous. They’re easy to spot by the multiple skid marks in the asphalt. The kids were northbound, approaching the hill. The parents were a couple of blocks behind. No cars were in between them on the lonely stretch of highway. Some said later that the boy might have been going a little too fast. Some said he wasn’t. It was never proven either way.
From behind, the father driving the second car saw his boy top the hill. As soon as the teenager reached the peak, his dad saw his brake lights come on suddenly. Then the car dipped over the other side of the hill and was lost from view.
At the bottom of the steep hill was a crossroads. A sixty-five foot semi-tractor trailer had stopped at the intersection. The driver carefully looked both ways and, seeing nothing, dropped into low and began to pull out onto the highway. He was blocking both sides of the
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!
Great Religious Truths
During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Mesquite, Las Vegas, Hooters or the Liquor Store.
THESE ARE ALLEGEDLY "ACTUAL" QUOTES TAKEN FROM GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION REPORTS In Ontario..
road when the kid topped the hill. The trailer was heavily loaded and the driver had no speed built up yet. He gunned the engine for all it was worth, trying to get out of the way.
The seventeen year old driver looked down the hill and all he could see was a wall of steel and iron in front of him. He slammed the brake pedal and fought the wheel, looking frantically for a lane, a ditch, anyplace he could aim the car. There was nowhere to go. The massive trailer, still swinging out from the crossroads, had blocked everything. The boy fought it all the way in.
The car containing the parents had slowed down a little. The father driving knew his son had seen something from the hilltop. He backed off a few miles per hour. It was enough to make the difference for them. But when the second car came to the top of the hill, four horrified parents looked down to see the road blocked by a huge semi and the car containing their children--all of their children—skidding towards the truck, blue clouds of smoke
1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
7) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 9) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
10) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
11) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." 12) "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
13) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.." 14) "I would like to go hunting with
rolling out from under the locked tires. There wasn’t even enough time to scream. The boy’s car slammed into the middle of the trailer and seemed to explode. Big chunks of sheet metal and glass flew in all directions. And the parents saw every bit of it. ••••• Mike was on duty that day at the firehouse. An alarm went off, and his crew grabbed their personal gear and leaped aboard their assigned vehicle, Truck Four. The initial report was that a truck driver out on the south highway had made a garbled and half-hysterical call over his C.B. radio. He’d had enough presence of mind to switch to channel nine, the national emergency channel for the citizen’s band frequency. Most county sheriff ’s departments monitor channel nine, and there’s a dedicated band of radio enthusiasts known as REACT who assist them, monitoring the band for whatever emergency message that might be broadcast. The trucker’s plea for help was picked up and the authorities called. The sheriff had two cars en route and called the fire department. Over the police net, an Indiana state trooper reported he was close to the
him sometime."
15) "He's been working with glue too much." 16) "He would argue with a signpost."
17) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
20) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
21) "A prime candidate for natural deselection.." t5 6g5h 22) "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it."
23) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."
24) "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
25) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." 27) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28) "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm."
29) "One neuron short of a synapse."
scene and responding too. The emergency room at the county hospital was notified, alerted to stand by for trauma victims, no word on their condition—yet. Within minutes of the wreck a score of professionals were already in action, not a bad showing for a community of that size.
Mike was just picking up speed in the big fire truck when a call came over the radio. “Truck Four, what’s your 10-20?” Mike gave his location. The caller was one of the deputies responding to the accident. Mike had known him for years. The deputy called back. “I’ll hit the highway about a half-mile ahead of you. I’ll give you an escort, Four.” A second report came over the frequency. Apparently, the trucker rallied long enough to give them what information he could. It was nothing any of them wanted to hear. “Broadside into a semi…carload of kids…looks like a bad one…”
Ahead, Mike saw the deputy roar out onto the highway and burn rubber in the southbound The Blind Hill Cont. on Page 3
30) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31) "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 minutes'."
32) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead." ••••• It's all gravity's fault that I fall in love most every day. ••••• I don't wanna say I'm getting old but lately I've noticed that whenever I eat out, they always ask for the money up front. ••••• Some days Evelyn wakes up Grumpy; other days she lets him sleep. ••••• We have enough "youth." How about a Fountain of Smart? ••••• A fool and his money can throw one helluva party. ••••• I have to quickly call my stockbroker. I just got an insider tip that Wurlitzer and Xerox are merging and will make reproductive organs. ••••• The Smart Flight Attendant
A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly woman reading her Bible. Disgusted, the Muslim man summoned the flight attendant and demanded a
Chuckles Cont. on Page 11