The Paper • Page 2 • July 09, 2020
Extraordinary Dogs Cont. from Page 1
most friendly disposition. This family member relied on doggie instincts in place of human logic and reasoning. This family member was a dog, a black Labrador Retriever-German Shepherd mix, named Killian. The Jordan family never even considered consulting their dog Killian in choosing a new babysitter. After all, that would be silly. Perhaps, even ridiculous.
So, Killian, the dog, was totally left out of the decision-making process. Not even an introduction of any sort. Not even a ‘sniff test’ or a ‘wagging tail’ to flag the ‘okay.’ That would border on the absurd. After all, Killian was just a simple dog, a lower-level of lifeform, unable to speak and nowhere close to human intelligence. The only thing that Killian had on his dog-resume was that he loved to fetch the ball, play with the family, and just loved being in their company. Oh, and there was one other little characteristic the black Labrador mix had as a show-stopper: his loyalty and unconditional love ran so deep that he would, gladly, lay down his own life to save his family. Behavioral scientists have long proven that to pack animals, such as Killian the family dog, Benjamin and Hope Jordan are not only his masters, but by canine instincts, they are his
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!
That awkward moment when you are running and your breasts are bouncing . . . and you're a guy. •••• I want you to know that someone out there cares . . . not me, but someone does . . . •••• I’m so single right now if I stood on the edge of a canyon and yelled, ‘I love you!” the echo would come back saying . . . “I just want to be friends.” •••• I fear I'm being left behind by Facebook users. It seems I don't know the proper protocol.
I tend to only post when I have something of interest to say . . . like a story, a commentary, a photo (but, normally, if I post a photo I try to tell what it is, what it's about). Apparently, the protocol calls for
mommy and daddy, to put it in simple dog terms. And little Finn Jordan, the small 7-month-old infant who loved to play and frolic and hug him constantly, was most deserving of being protected because canines, such as Killian, can sense an infant’s vulnerability in the same way that canines protect their young pups. The dog would lovingly let little Finn Jordan climb all over him without even the tiniest protest. Sometimes a little dog ear-pulling would come into play, but the powerful canine would just passively and gently roll over, seemingly enjoying the roughhousing, sometimes licking the small baby and, like a black sentinel, always watching, protecting, his tiny companion. And so the babysitting scenario was set.
While new parents, Benjamin and Hope Jordan, were at work, the new babysitter was placed in sole custody and safe-keeping of little Finn Jordan. Unknown to Benjamin and Hope Jordan, the first 5 months proved to be one of horror for the small infant who was unable to speak. During moments when a good babysitter was supposed to take care of constant diaper changes, scheduled formula feedings, and shower love and affection. Instead, little Finn Jordan would be tormented, physically-abused, and terrified – all of which is unimaginable during an infant’s formative years, when human mental and psy-
Facebook users to post every little detail in their day. Why, however, everyone would be interested in knowing every little detail in my life beats hell out of me.
But, in an attempt to conform, I began posting on Facebook as follows: Got up. Yawned. Petted my pups. Went to the bathroom. Closed the door. Finished in bathroom. Got dressed. Put my tennis shorts on, then my shirt, then my Birkenstocks. In the office. Did email for an hour. In the kitchen. Ate breakfast. Oatmeal. With blueberries, almonds, yogurt. Cup of tea. Yummy good. In the bathroom. Brushed teeth, shaved. In the family room. Read daily paper. Yawned. Back in the office. Sent out emails. Organized thoughts. Gave up effort as "too much work." Twiddled thumbs for, maybe, two minutes. Petted pups again. In the hallway. Shouted at dogs to stop barking. Neighbors had company arrive. In the bedroom. Time for mid-day nap. (I will have more of the exciting play by play later, when I wake up).
chological stages are still in early development.
With the family dog strategically placed outdoors, the child’s relentless screaming and crying and overall suffering went on for a steady 150 days, reaching a total of five calendar months. Like clockwork, when the happy new parents would return home, all seemed normal within the household. However, there seemed to be something very odd and bizarre in the family dog’s behavior once he was let back into the house. At first, the Jordans felt the dog needed to be disciplined. After all, the black Lab seemed overly protective of the baby. To the point where Killian would bare his teeth and growl menacingly at the babysitter, Alexis Khan. As Benjamin Jordan would later recall in his own words: “We noticed the dog was getting very defensive when Alexis (the babysitter) was around. He would growl and stand between her and our infant son. His hair would stand up on the back of his neck and we knew something was up.”
At times it seemed as if Killian was about to attack, but the loyal canine was restrained. Such unexpected and shocking behavior from an overly-friendly dog puzzled the Jordans. As Benjamin Jordan further recalled: “He (Killian) was very aggressive towards the babysitter and a few times we actual-
By Jeff Foxworthy:
If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-
ly had to physically restrain our dog from going after her!”
Deciding against any notion of punishing the dog, Benjamin and Hope Jordan spoke quietly about the incident during bedtime. It was a most confusing scenario for them. When they both put their heads together in trying to sort things out, the math just didn’t fit the formula: Killian the dog was widely-known throughout the neighborhood for his gentle disposition. In fact, the dog’s warm and friendly nature earned him great affection from everyone he ever met. No exceptions.
Except for one: the Jordan’s dog did not accept the highly-recommended babysitter! The babysitter they had looked long and hard for -- the perfect choice.
Yet, there seemed to be an unknown factor at play here; something missing from the equation. A large piece of the puzzle was missing. The babysitter seemed a most worthy one. A thorough background check confirmed this. Yet, the family dog’s behavior seemed to imply otherwise. Finally, the young parents decided to go out on a limb and think outside the box.
It was wife, Hope Jordan, who suggested a most outlandish and wild
Extraordinary Dogs Cont. on Page 3
ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a threeyear-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. •••• A wife buys a dozen underwear of the same color for her husband. The husband protested saying, “people will think I never change my underwear.” Wife says . . .”which people?” Total silence.
•••• I was invited to a Gay 90's party the other night, so I went.
Problem was, everyone there was gay. And 90.
Chuckles Cont. on Page 11