The Paper • Page 2 • July 5, 2018
In Your Backyard Cont. from Page 1 and sell it.”
A million-dollar business was born at that time. Over the next year, Linda’s Top Soil and Mulch, became a favorite of landscapers, home gardeners, and others. Compost bins soon replaced the brush pile, Linda producing 100 five-pound bags of rich compost a month. Within six months, her daughters had the dental work they needed, and Linda replaced her Corolla with a more serviceable car. Not to be left out, Carlos started his own landscape business, making his rounds in a shiny, new pickup. When abuela passed away, Linda had the resources to return her grandmother’s body to the family cemetery in Bakersfield, thanks to Linda’s inspiration to search for and use her existing resources, those in her own back yard.
NIMBYism is in full cry these days, i.e., a much-needed homeless shelter is shouted down because it’s too close to an elementary school; residents lobby against a neighborhood skate park since, “it would draw undesirable teen agers and gang members to our community;” a low-income housing project is cancelled after local resident’s yell, “Not In My Back Yard.” This article presents a different viewpoint on back yards. Need to
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!
Mildred, the church gossip, and selfappointed Monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening Frank quietly parked
solve a problem? Maybe the answer is there, and it may change your life when you find it. *** Rachel Rootes was born and raised in England. She met her husband Stan on a bus in London as he vacationed from his job as a San Diego city bus driver. After a two-year trans-ocean courtship, they married and moved to Mira Mesa near Stan’s parents.
Stan’s father died unexpectedly, forcing the couple to become his mother’s care giver. They moved into her three-bedroom house and soon filled it with the pit-a-patter of four little ones. Reflecting on her present lifestyle Rachel quickly points out it wasn’t financial difficulties alone that caused her to start her herb garden. “Our oldest son, Ralph, suffered terribly from allergies,” she says. “We tried every conceivable remedy. Honey from local bees. Flonase. Any purported cure, no matter how ridiculous, we bought it. Nothing worked. Then one day a neighborhood lady suggested I try mallow. I’d never heard of it.
“I Googled it and found mallow listed as a cure for respiratory complaints. But finding a reliable supply was almost impossible. Finally, after several potential suppliers failed us, I sent off to Ferry and Morse for seeds and planted them in a strip of dirt behind the house. Green shoots came up in 5 days. When they were maybe 4 inches his pickup in front of Mildred's house ... walked home ... and left it there all night. You gotta love Frank!
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: -------------------------The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again, 'giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. --------------------------
high, I snipped some and served it as a tea to Ralph. A week later, his symptoms disappeared completely.” This success lit a fire under Rachel. What other herbs did suffering people need? She started researching herbs, and learned that St. John’s Wort, a leafy, green plant was effective in relieving depression. And like mallow, it was hard to come by in the original plant form. She immediately planted three rows behind her house, so she’d have enough to sell at local swap meets and farmer’s markets.
Her research led to Creeping Charlie, an herb known to have a positive effect on a number of maladies from speeding recovery from colds, to treating headaches and as a detoxifier to purge bodies after drug and alcohol use. The demand for these herbs led Rachel to add to her inventory. Soon she sold plantain, an easy-togrow herb, which in tea form soothes infant colic and as a poultice helps reduce the effects of sunburn, rashes and inflammations; and is effective as a hay fever remedy as well. Rachel’s stable of backyard herbs grew quickly. Burdock was next - a spiky herb with roots used in traditional Asian cooking. It is also a tasty medicine to control appetites and build red blood cells. Her biggest seller however became a low-growing herb with an appealing purple flower called Self-Heal,
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
or All Heal. Its popularity caused Rachel to rent a plot where she could grow it in larger quantities, staggering her planting times so as to always have a fresh crop available.
As the name implies, Self-Heal is used to solve many health challenges from skin rashes to sun burn, high blood pressure to athlete’s foot. Rachel plans to double her production of this herb.
So, you ask, how much money has Rachel realized from her backyard herb garden? This past twelve months she reports a net earning a little north of $39,000 - after deducting swap meet and farmer’s market booth rentals. Not bad for a fun, part-time business. But, Rachel doesn’t judge her success by money alone. She’s prouder of the number of people she’s helped. “I wanted my herbs to help people the way mallow helped my son when I started my garden. That’s still my intent.” *** Donald Nguyen is a Vietnamese refugee who migrated to California shortly after the fall of Saigon. His first job was with a printer, where he worked long hours running a machine that folded, inserted and sorted letters. On his breaks Nguyen watched with fascination as a co-worker planted seeds in flower pots just outside the printing house
In Your Backyard Cont. on Page 3
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------And this one just about sums them all up The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
In a hospital, a bunch of the relatives gathered in the waiting room where a family member lay, gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a Democrat's brain and $200 for a Republican's.”
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrat relatives actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republican relatives.
Chuckles Cont. on Page 11