Ten steps to a great student event By Kieran “Coke Float” Bennett So you decided to do that most unenviable of tasks and organise the next big student event. Well obviously you'll need some help and considering I have vast reams (none) of experience, this guide should prove very helpful (useless).
1) Snort a lot of coke
It’s always important to approach tasks with the right mind-set. In the case of organising an event for 500 odd fickle students, a big bag of coke will help; filling your mind with the right ideas.
2) No seriously, inhale that shit
You have no idea what you’re getting into so it’s probably best to be as incoherent as humanly possible. Plus when you get to meetings, the randomly bleeding nose will garner you respect.
3) Gauge interest
Why plan an event if no one will go right? Make sure to ask people what they think about your event, being careful to not tell people anything at all because vague decisions are the best decisions.
4) Be swamped with support and enthusiasm
Considering no one is required to do anything other than appear supportive at this stage, expect to be flooded with support. Allow it to uselessly inflate your ego and make you feel good. Bonus points if, for weeks, you all stand around talking about how great things will be without actually doing anything.
5) Forget about the whole thing
Well, it’s been a few days, the joke has been fun, time to shove this to the back of your mind under 'shit I was never really going to do'.
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6) Pretend to know what you’re doing when people ask
Woops, even if you forgot, nobody else did. When you’re swamped with questions the best policy is to lie. Of course you'd been contacting people, drawing up plans and generally getting on with it. I mean, what, did you forget?
7) Make careful decisions within your budget
Go big or go home. Find the grandest things you can, add up the costs and then budget for it. It’s early days yet and you can do anything.
8) Realise you have no budget and change everything
I lied. You have no money at all remember? Cancel all your bookings and book something else, preferably at least one week before tickets go on sale. It’s also really important that you tell different people different things about what will be happening. Keeps them on their toes.
9) Change everything a few more times and then start selling tickets
There's nothing quite like a last minute, poorly informed decision. In that vein, make sure you keep constantly changing things right up to the 11th hour and sometimes just into the next day. Your guests don’t need consistency, they need excitement. Once they've had enough excitement, start selling.
10) Cry. A lot.
You've made it to the end. You have an event, a few grey hairs and only a mild coke addiction; but you made it. So what now? Well now you cry. Because that’s the only thing that makes sense at this point.