ARTICLE: The Grammar Nazi
The Grammar Nazi
by Connor McLay With our phones and fast digital communication, we like to compress information. Long stories told with 100 characters or less can be found all over the internet, and in the modern world of texting, vowel elimination and phonetic writing has resulted in paragraph-length speeches squished down to a single line. The last decade or so has seen the systematic murder of everyday spelling and grammar through neglect. More and more it became acceptable to simply pass over time honoured patterns of writing and structure in favour of creative acronyms and emoticons. But in a world where points are awarded according to the most imaginative way to butcher the English language, there are those who fight back. There are those who still grit their teeth whenever they see the incorrect use of there, they're or their. Who howl with rage when some preschool level linguist clearly doesn't know what the word 'literally' means. There are those who brave the inevitable backlash of the internet swagfag legions to deliver a righteous punch in the name of literary justice directly into the face of the dreaded misuser of the simple apostrophe. They are called the Grammar Nazis, without an apostrophe and capitalised. According to urbandictionary.com, which as we all know is an infallible source of completely reliable scholarly information, a Grammar Nazi is: “Someone who believes it's their duty to attempt to correct any grammar and/or spelling mistakes they observe.� There are no oaths, there is no doctrine or set of written ideology, there is only that group of English enforcers who cannot help but comment on every Facebook status and scrutinise every celebratory tweet. We bare the name of Grammar Nazi as both an imposed curse and a badge of pride in our unwritten, unsung heroism. But there is a fine line to tread. At any given moment those who walk the path of punctuation purity are a step away from losing themselves' to hate and becoming consumed by the dark side of the dictionary. There are those that fall into hypocrisy and become internet trolls. Ah if only you knew the power of the dark side. At all times there lies the temptation to mislead the naive forum bloggers and Facebook posters who write those insipid and poorly punctuated 'inspirational quotes'. Like a shepherd who leads his or her ever trusting flock over the nearest cliff for only their own sadistic pleasure. So how can you join the proud ranks of the Grammar Nazis? If you noticed the three very deliberate mistakes leading up to this paragraph without needing to search, then you are already half way there. If seeing those mistakes has caused your blood to boil with rage, your teeth to clench and your hands to wrap around my imaginary neck before you to squeeze out the very hypocrisy I warned you of, then whether you like it or not my friend, you are one of us. Be wise in your judgement, beware of the dark side, and may the syntax always be with you.
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