Photo by David Hurd
BY STEPHANIE HURD Over the last two years I have experienced a spiritual awakening, and to my surprise I woke up in captivity. I am a slave to fear! I’m not talking about a debilitating phobia that makes me want to hide under my desk––rather fear is the invisible framework on which I have built a safe and comfortable life. To varying degrees I’m afraid of failure, rejection, confrontation, dying violently, living too long, looking/sounding/being foolish, losing loved ones, sharing my faith, and being called to foreign missions. Oddly enough I have no fear of going to the dentist. Typically, I never do anything unless I am sure of its success so I’ve spent my whole life avoiding risks and responsibilities. My “mode of operation” was to be invisible and noncommittal. However, when studying Revelations the reality of my future in God’s kingdom began to materialize in my consciousness. I realized one day I would stand before Christ, in person, and give an account of my works to His face (the very face of Jesus) and I was filled with dread! Suddenly I knew
that I am the person Jesus spoke of in the parable––I am the wicked, lazy servant who buried the talent (Matthew 25:14-29). My talent! Please understand that I am not frightened of condemnation, because I know Christ has redeemed me. No, I’m worried I will stand before Him and have very little to show for my time on earth. I picture this meeting with my Savior like my first job interview after college when I tried to convince the guy across the desk that doing nothing for 21 years was actually something. Of course God didn’t reveal this truth and leave me to flounder. As I read through the Old Testament, He is providing many fresh applications from Scripture to help me break free. First of all, God can deliver me from captivity just as He delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. His arm is not too short! Also, He requires obedience–– even when I’m afraid. The Israelites were terrified of the giants in Canaan and disobeyed when God told them to take the land. As a result they spent 40 years in a wilderness time-out. I’ve
wandered the desert long enough and I’m ready to take a chance with my personal Anakites (see Joshua 11:2123). I know the Lord will fight for me! Finally, God says, “No man should appear before the Lord emptyhanded: Each of you must bring a gift in proportion to the way the Lord your God has blessed you” (Deuteronomy 16:16,17). Although the context is instructions for the Israelites at the Tabernacle during the Feasts of the Lord, I see how it can also apply to me. When I meet with Jesus in our one-on-one, I certainly don’t want to be empty-handed. I have been blessed beyond measure so I figure my offering should be fairly substantial. I want Him to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). I want Him to be proud of me, so I’m choosing to risk failure, rejection and even foolishness just for Him. I cling to Jesus, lean on the Holy Spirit, and leave the results to God. The more I grow in a healthy and respectful fear of the Lord, the less I fear what everyone else thinks of me. And therein lies my emancipation! Asbury Tidings 12