Make Your Child’s Middle School Years Super by Emily Webb
Homework, friendships, crushes, puberty — the list of middle school woes can seem intimidating. The middle school years can be a challenging time for both you and your child. Despite their bad reputation, you don’t have to dread these upcoming years. Atlanta Parent talked to Phyllis L. Fagell about her new book “Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times.” Fagell is a licensed clinical professional counselor and a certified professional school counselor; her book offers practical information for parents to help tweens navigate these formative years. The book features 12 superpowers including agency, daring and optimism that parents can help middle schoolers develop, and each chapter ends with talking points to help you bond with your tween.
Q:
Why is middle school a universally difficult time?
One of the things I try to do in my books is challenge the negative cultural rhetoric around middle school. It is a very unique developmental phase. You experience the negatives as more painful, as you are at a point where you have little life experience and perspective. You’re also experiencing puberty, so everything is a 100 on a scale of 1 to 10. You’re pulling away from your parents at the same time that you’re trying to find a place with your peers. You’re suddenly acutely aware of how you stack up to others, and you have this sense everyone is judging you. It makes the bumps and bruises middle schoolers experience more painful, more difficult, more memorable. It’s not that the kids themselves are meaner. Middle schoolers have the reputation that they’re mean and drama-seeking, but they’re still learning and their empathy is still developing. It’s inevitable that they’re going to make mistakes, but they are good people.
Q:
What about today’s time makes it even more challenging?
Even before you factor in what’s happened with the pandemic, there’s a 24/7 news cycle with graphic images and upsetting information before they have media literacy. Kids struggle with anxiety for things that were routine a generation ago — a fire alarm didn’t set off alarm bells. They were all born after 9/11, and they’re growing up in a world in which shootings and school violence are daily occurrences. They’ve grown up through a pandemic, and they’re coping now with the aftereffects. They’re growing up in the midst of culture wars and identity issues, when they have a developmental imperative to figure out who they are and if they’re good enough, so it’s an insecure and sensitive time. 30 Atlanta Parent
August 2023
Q:
What are some positives about the middle school years?
Middle schoolers are so funny and impressionable. Middle school is the last best chance. It’s an opportunity for parents to make a massive difference in turning out a good human. They’re sophisticated enough to understand what we’re saying, and they want to please the adults in their life — even if they don’t seem like they’re interested in our opinion. Middle school is a unique time to coach them and set them up to thrive. As difficult as the challenges can be, we are available for discussions; it is safe for them to fail and come to us for advice. It’s a very fun phase as a parent that we don’t appreciate until it’s over. It’s a time when parents can grow very close to their kids and be a part of their life.
Q:
Why is helping your kids develop the superpowers in your book important?
I was writing this book as we were emerging from the pandemic. I was no longer dealing with a typical middle schooler, but instead dealing with “extreme tweens.” The things that used to work were no longer working. Using universal design — the concept that if you design for extremes, you’re actually designing for everyone — so these strategies for extreme tweens could be helpful for any tween. The book is very concrete in terms of evidence-based strategies to impart these superpowers to help kids get through the toughest times. In the midst of societal turmoil, you’re going to raise a resilient adult. These strategies might apply just as much to adults, and I want adults to have the same skills, so they can model them for their kids. atlantaparent.com