May's Comic

I: The Relationship Itself

I was 15 years old when I entered this relationship. I never really had any experience before that.

We met because a friend of mine made a whatsapp group, and

aro-comics.tumblr.com

we chatted over there.

She was an artist, and we decided to try drawing a manga together.

At the time her best and only friend had betrayed her. She was alone and suicidal.

But when I was there, she told me that I was helping.

(She said that she stopped “thinking about it” when we were together)

It’s kind of a lot, for a fifteen year old.

As we grew as a couple, she felt more confident to share her problems,

and I was glad I could help.

During the relationship, I felt that everything was “normal” Happiness, and pain, balanced enough to still make it worth it.

I felt it was normal to suffer,

‘cause you always see those “love isn’t easy, it’s something you have to work to get right”.

We left serious discussions for messaging (to not ruin our time together)

and I cried myself to sleep more times than I can count

It was more that she was aesthetically pleasing,

fun to talk to,

and that I enjoyed being around her, rather than actual romantic attraction

Because this year, I realized that I mistook a lot of different types of love for romantic love

It was the sexual attraction, platonic love for her, and wanting to be a father that made me think that I wanted her romantically

II: About Orientation and what I want from life

I feel like I can have the capabilities of a parent, and the economic stability to make it work -

family, but it doesn’t feel genuine

I don’t mind getting to know people,

While I feel like having a companion in the parenthood thing would be nice,

I … feel like it could be overcome with friends

Honestly, I used to think if we were in a good place mentally, we could have eventually been in a relationship to share parenthood.

But I think we both grew past this

She already has a relationship and I think if I ended up with someone to share parenthood it would not be with her anymore.

It was fun being together, even if its not specifically what I’m looking for, it still had the opportunity for parenthood, sex, company.

And especially growth. We both became better people while we were together,

III: Conclusion

(

- and the sooner you do it, the more time you have to actually make it right for you)