THE PROS AND PITFALLS OF PUTTING DOWN ROOTS
W
HETHER by accident or design, living married unaccompanied as an army family has its ups and downs. You might be able to pursue a steady career, enjoy living in your own magnolia-free home and have a settled school life for the kids. But being separated can also be a testing and lonely time for both you and your soldier – seeing each other over all-too-brief weekends, feeling exhausted from flying solo and commuting. Every family is different…
Stability seekers: Jenny (below), Maxine (above right) and Faye (right) opted to settle off patch with their families and for life ‘married unaccompanied’.
Army spouse Jenny Goodacre is now in her seventh year of being married unaccompanied. After previously living in quarters in Shrivenham and Bristol, she’s now settled in her home city of Edinburgh. “My husband David was moving to a job in Suffolk and it made sense for me and our girls to stay where my family lives. He deployed shortly after moving, so it was the right thing,” she said.
Time to adapt Jenny admitted that it was difficult to adjust at first: “I found him coming home for weekends really hard: he was in my space and I had a routine. If he used his initiative, I would be cross because he was treading on my toes, but if he didn’t, I would be cross because he wasn’t helping!
16 Army&You spring 2020
Poor guy. Having spoken to families in similar circumstances this is actually quite normal.” Weekending became a little easier when David was posted closer to home. He now tries to take key dates such as their daughters’ birthdays as annual leave, which wasn’t an option when he was further away. And Jenny believes overall the pros outweigh the cons: “It can be lonely for both of us. My husband finds it difficult when he’s on his own in the evening and the girls miss their dad. But he can work late without worrying about it. For me the alternative of moving every two years was far worse. We ensure that we have a lot of family time at weekends, and holidays are special.”
Putting down roots Some families choose to ‘settle early’ by putting down roots before their soldier leaves the army. Faye and Stephen Stone felt that stability for their children was the most important thing and bought a house in Hartlepool. “It’s far from home but much more affordable,” said Faye. “Stephen only has a couple of years left so we can push @ArmyandYou