THE
Inconsequential News Quiz:
BIG Eureka Murderama PICTURE
Edition
Play at home, before taking your $6,501.33 drug test! 1) The Eureka Springs City Council has been considering banning something from town. What are they thinking of giving the heave-ho? A) Weed. Good luck with that. B) Plastic shopping bags. C) Poonicorns. D) The annual “Murderama,” when all crimes are legal for 24 hours. 2) The website Think Progress recently released a report about a rather shocking waste of taxpayer funds in Arkansas. What did Think Progress report? A) A 2-year-old program to feed Arkansas Razorback football players smoothies made of liquefied $100 bills has resulted in a net gain of 1.2 touchdowns per game! Money well spent! B) That under a new state law, Arkansas spent $32,506.65 last year to drug test to five applicants for the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families welfare program, or $6,501.33 per drug test. C) To fully protect the Ten Commandments Monument on the state Capitol lawn from further vandalism, taxpayers will be forced to fund a series of concrete protectors, protector protectors and protector-protector protectors that will eventually dwarf the size of the Capitol dome. D) Inspectors found that the new $7.1 million bridge on Interstate 40 over the White River between Little Rock and Memphis is made entirely of used hot glue and Popsicle sticks. 3) Something historic happened the other day in Mississippi County. What was it? A) Johnny Cash’s boyhood home, near the small town of Dyess, was added to the National Register of Historic Places. B) Somebody correctly spelled “Mississippi County” on the first try. C) It kept on rainin’, but the levee was actually pretty good, to be honest. D) Criminal spraying of the banned herbicide dicamba led to an epic, 19-tractor battle royale. 4) Police responded to a patient’s room at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences and found something that probably shouldn’t be allowed in a hospital. What did police say they found? A) A colonoscopy being performed with a iPhone on a “selfie stick,” due to massive budget cuts. B) Enough Oxycontin to choke a horse, which had, in fact, choked a Faulkner County man. C) Reasonably affordable health care. D) A Hot Springs man who police said had a full 10 pounds of marijuana secreted on his person. 5) For a limited time, the Arkansas Times is offering something pretty sweet to those who buy a $110-per-year subscription or renew their subscription for a year. What is it? A) A plastic cat litter box with Sen. Jason Rapert’s portrait shellacked to the bottom. B) Arkansas Times Senior Editor Max Brantley will come to your house for one hour per week and gripe about the topic of your choice. C) A signed copy of Times contributor Benji Hardy’s conceptual album: “I Made Rep. Justin Harris (R-West Fork) Quit the Legislature In Shame and All I Got Was the Blues.” D) A one-year concert membership to the Arkansas Symphony Orchestra, six tickets to the Museum of Discovery, four tickets to the Little Rock Zoo and two tickets to the Arkansas Arts Center Children’s Theatre.
Answers: B, B, A, D, D
sions paying for new programs. Although Dunkley is critical of the Republican tax bill passed last year, he said he would not push to restore corporate tax rates to previous levels. “I think it’s inappropriate [that Congress lowered the rate to 21 percent], but I’m not shocked. When we elect bankers and corporate leaders to Congress, who else are they going to look after but their buddies? But I don’t see it beneficial in the primary for me to have that as my big issue.” Dunkley supports abortion rights. “My mother was 17 when she conceived me. I’m thankful she carried me to term, but I’m also thankful she had a choice to make and it was her decision. These folks who refer to themselves as pro-life, they care about the birth of the child, but talk to them about feeding the kid, talk to them about educating the kid, talk to them about housing the kid, you hear a whole different narrative [from them]: ‘That’s the parent’s responsibility.’ ” If elected, Dunkley would be Arkansas’s first black congressman, but he said he hasn’t made race an issue in the campaign. “I’m hopeful that people will see me over my skin.” Dunkley has lagged in fundraising. His campaign staff is made up of all volunteers. He had raised $19,845, according to the most recent campaign finance records. That includes a $10,000 loan he made to the campaign. He has spent $19,124 and has $970 cash on hand. “We’re on a shoestring budget,” he said. “Ninety-five percent of my effort is getting out the vote.” He said he tells people, “If you vote and get me through May, we’ll get all the money we need” because his candidacy would be a national story. Dunkley said he’s running for Congress rather than a local office because the national Democratic Party is badly in need of young rising stars. He looks up to Sanders and U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), but notes Sanders is 76 and Warren is 68. “Republican-lite is going to lose in November,” Dunkley said. Establishment politics don’t excite the Democratic base, Dunkley said, and he views Tucker as “establishment as it gets. … I just don’t see him in tune with the average Arkansan.” Dunkley sees himself as part of a movement. “We’re the future of American politics. If it’s not me, it’s the next generation of young people coming behind me with the same message. They understand we have emerging industries we have to tap into. They understand we’re saddled with student loan debt. They understand that health care costs are unsustainable and outrageous for most.”
arktimes.com MAY 10, 2018
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