FRATERNITY FUN
BROTHER O. WILSON WINTERS
J E T S and BEATNICKS Did you read my column in the General Convention Number, December issue, of the Sphinx? Do you remember my parting words as I landed in Cincinnati after an epochal (to me) flight from Philadelphia. Well, I landed in better condition than expected but the TWA plane on Flight 737 especially in the area of my seat location was going to need much attention from Lestoil or Mr. Clean. And as for me, contact with terra firma quickly restored status quo, or rather status quo ante. It was evident in Buffalo, it gained momentum in Los Angeles, it effervesced in Philadelphia, but in Cincinnati the new decor in Alpha Conventions with the Jet format, the nuclear mathematized pace, the orbitized round of scintillating e v e n t s all bespake a collatteral image of the astounding aspects of the space age. There were coffee sips, a champagne fantasy, cabaret capers, collaberating luncheons, "Date" Baiting Soirees, a primitive Smoker depicting the mating instinct from stone age to jet age. There were dances, house warmings and house wettings all over town; there were dancing and prancing at Balls, formal and informal; there were banquets open and closed — and there was a convention. Indeed, to help me keep up the tenor of this recital consonant with the times, I'll say there was a convention but it was saturated with beatnick influences. In the capacity in which I am cast at a convention I did my best to maintain a conformity to historical behavior, but at times I felt like little Walter Collins. For some years Professor Warrick taught school in the Blue Ridge Mountain district of Virginia. Trying always to impress the PAGE 22
virtue of honesty on his students, he required them to give a pledge that they had neither given nor received help on their examinations. Walter handed in his paper with this pledge on it: "I haven't received no help on this exam and Lord knows I couldn't give any." That's my convention record! Evidence of 15 atiiickism A private detective asked a Cincinnati matron, "Now madame just what is it you wish me to do?" She said, "I want my husband and that AKA woman followed night and day and a complete report on just what she sees in him." * * * One delegate rushed to her hotel room excitedly and confided to her soror roommate: "Oh Beatrice, I'm going out tonight with a used car salesman!" "What's the difference," her sister replied, "so long as he's healthy?" * * * For superior beatnicking Bro. Dr. Blyden Jackson takes the cake and by his quick wit shows why he rates his philosophy doctorate. He was standing near the "date" bureau where his old classmate delegate had been assigned a "date" who showed much to be desired, in age, beauty and personality. Presently Mrs. Blyden came up toward the group and Brother Doctor Jackson said: "Lawrence didn't you expect your wife to attend the convention?" Mrs. Jackson who could easily understudy for any Hollywood queen received the most unexpected and effusive greeting of her life. The "date" vanished. Editors note "Greater love hath no man than this, that he would give up his wife (for ten seconds) for his friend." True beatnicking indeed. * * * Children in the baby sitting range can be beatnicks too. Dad wanted to attend the Smoker, Mother had gone to her Sorority affair and Hilliard (pronounced "hellion") just wouldn't go to sleep so daddy could slip upstairs to the Roof Garden. "All right sonny, I'll do just what you do, you kneel by your side of the bed, say your prayers and so will I. So Junior knelt by his side of the bed, and daddy knelt by his, Junior said his prayers
"Now I lay me" and daddy mumbled his. But Junior was more awake than ever and when it was over cried out. "Mommy going to be awful mad with you. I had the potty." * * # It was Mass Hypnotism when Brother Dick Lawrence from Ps' Chapter, speaking at the Undergraduate Joint Luncheon, convinced four hundred Sorors that not one of them was over thirty-five. They were not too deeply tranced to applaud vigorously. They told me that around the hotel corner was a steak house where delicious steaks could be had very reasonably. I went around the right corner instead of the left and landed in a beanery. On the wall near where ' sat amid the smoke and grease some wag had scribbled, Emily Post fainted here!" * * * I was domiciled at Room 915 just next door to Brother Father Richard T. S. Brown, our chaplain, who was in room 911. There was no 913Around the corner was the most travelled area of corridor carpet in the hotel. It was the Jeffries Company's Open Sesame Oasis presided over by Brother Chrysler. Or was it the Chrysler Company's Hospitality Suite managed by Brother Jeffries? I sneaked from the Father's sight and wandered into the Oasis. I was wined and dined and souvenired with a set of cuff linkstie clasp and money clip manicure set all bearing the Chrysler Forward Look design. The Chrysler Company has sold a new Chrysler Windsor forthwith. Smart beatnicks those Chryslers and Jeffrieses. * # * Beside saying that the Undergraduates were more alert, more vocal and more vociferous than ever before, ' perforce, must inform you that I am breaking a top diplomatic secret when I disclose that Brother Presidents Myles Paiges' discomfitures came n°l from the stormy floor debates but from fancy embroidery with bi-latera' designs a Cincinnati physician employed with a hypodermic needle fu" of government inoculation shots prep' aratory to his visit to the inauguration continued on page 32 THE SPHINX