Allens
Peppercorn Issue 1, 2014
The ANU Law Students’ Society Quarterly Publication
CONTENTS
Sponsors
Contents 5
Letters to the Editor
7
Bill O’Reilly O’ Rights By ERIC ALLILOMOU
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The Right to be a Bigot By TARA SHENOY
11 Community Legal Centres becoming ‘critically endangered’ By CATH PILLEY 12 Refugee Crisis in Malaysia By MUHAMMAD TAUFIQ BIN SURAIDI 15 Using the Law to Educate Children By ALEX FERGUSON & ALEX BI 16 News of the Legal World By MICHAEL QUINCEY O’NEILL 18 The Wonderful Fantastic Life & Afterlife of ____________ ___________ By KELLY SU
ANU LEGAL WORKSHOP Professional legal education
20 Satire, Don’t Take It Too Seriously By MICHAEL QUINCEY O’NEILL
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LETTERS
Letters to the Editor Dear Peppercorn
Dear Peppercorn, Just wrote in to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your Top Ten Law movies, I had a great time watching them all put ‘The Castle’ at only number 4! Not only is it a barrel of laughs, but I think it strikes straight at the heart of our legal system—giving a fair go to everyone, even the I think you’re dreamin’! Fred Robbins
Whats the deal with Caterinas becoming Peppercorn? I just came back from a year of study break and I was
Dear Peppercorn,
name of another law school institution! What next? Degree becoming “Woroni”? Cupping Room renaming to “The Canberra Times”? I’m shocked and appalled.
I hope this year’s Peppercorn is a lot funnier. Last year’s was boring—nothing but a series of faux-academic articles laid out one after another in a terrible layout. I miss the days of ‘Lecture Bingo’ and ‘Diary of the First
Rosie (concerned law student)
watch ‘The Big Bang Theory’ you could learn a lot about humour from those guys!
Dear Peppercorn
Amy Ruckland
I would like to bring to your esteemed readers attention the lack of opening hours at the Law Library. Why can other libraries remain open but not our own? I don’t
Dear Peppercorn,
people. It’s demeaning and embarrassing. I enrolled at ANU not UC for a reason. I wanted to be part of an exclusive clique, but now I am forced to share tables and printers with the 3 year degreers. Shame! Peter Snerpus Dear Peppercorn What happened to the ILS? They used to be so present at law school but now I can’t seem to run into them if I tried! I’m sick and tired of student societies popping up and disappearing without any campus presence. Where are the bbqs? The speakers? No wonder they struggle to get membership! Though in fairness, their “Advocate” was quite a good read. It seems you do have some competition Peppercorn. Tricia Chan
Was absolutely delighted to learn that Michael Quincey O’Neill was back in the saddle for this year’s Peppercorn. I have always found him a deeply thoughtful and erudite young man, with a sparkling wit and zest for life nuts now, but in a good way. Love, Heather Knockers Dear Peppercorn, I must say I’m slightly concerned for the mental state of a certain student society treasurer, who has been noted to display delusions of grandeur recently even referring to himself as the “Master of Coin” and the “Modern Day a reality check. Sean Uppershire
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LEGAL REFORM
Bill O’Reilly O’ Rights & Statutory Protections BY ERIC ALLILOMOU We live in a day and age in which the power of the Government is gradually encroaching upon the private sphere. It is for this reason that the question of whether Australia needs a constitutionally entrenched bill of rights is now more important than ever before. The previous Commonwealth Government, for a time, sought to pass legislation, which would allow a legal claim to be made over conduct that offends a person based on their political opinion or religion, among other things. The force of the law should never be brought down upon a person for expressing an opinion in a democratic society. A constitutionally entrenched right to freedom of speech would safeguard our democracy against misguided legislation such as this. The previous Commonwealth Government had also been discussing the possibility of a body to regulate the media. While the behaviour of the media is occasionally questionable, our democracy would be significantly undermined if the Government gained the ability to control the information that was disseminated to the public. Again, a right to freedom of speech would provide protection against such action. These two issues draw attention to the potential value of a bill of rights. Rights in Australia are currently protected through the common law. However, the determination of rights in this manner is entirely dependent upon cases being brought before the Courts. Rights are also afforded through international human rights treaties to which the Commonwealth is a signatory. However, this, as well as the aforementioned method, lacks the force and accessibility that a constitutionally entrenched bill of rights would provide. An avalanche of legislation is generated every year through a deeply political process. A bill of rights would create an inalienable set of imperatives, meaning that the creation of legislation would be governed by something more than the seasonal impulses of our politicians.
ities cannot. For example, a right to housing would be extremely problematic, as it would obligate the Government to provide housing to every Australian citizen. The second caveat is that the architects of the bill of rights would need to look beyond current values and concerns. There is a danger with any bill of rights that it may preserve certain values and thereby force future generations to live according to these values. The current debate surrounding the “right of the people to keep and bear arms” in the Second Amendment of the United States Constitution is an example of this. The third caveat is that the rights would need to be worded in a manner that was neither too broad nor to narrow. Wording a right too broadly gives the Court significant room for discretion in its interpretation. Wording a right too narrowly restricts its applicability. By far, the most compelling argument against a bill of rights is that it would cause significant power to be transferred to the Courts, as judges would be able to override the judgment of Parliament when determining rights. This would also politicise the decisions of the Courts. However, as the former Justice of the High Court, Michael Kirby, notes, the role of the Courts in a federal system is already political because Courts are required to make decisions as to whether power lies with the Commonwealth Parliament or the States in the event of a constitutional dispute. A bill of rights would not turn Australia into a utopia, but it would certainly be a positive addition to our legal system, provided that the above caveats were heeded. Given that we live in a day and age in which civil liberties are being threatened, the question of whether Australia’s constitution should be amended to include a bill of right deserves more oxygen than it is currently receiving.
There are, however, a number of caveats to a constitutional bill of rights. The first is that the rights contained therein would need to be sensible and feasible. Rights which limit the powers of the State can be classified as such. Rights which create untenable obligations or enlarge the State’s responsibili-
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LEGAL REFORM
The Right to be a
Bigot BY TARA SHENOY
The Abbott Government is threatening to throw more trash into the cesspool of legislative garbage already chalked up to its name. These grand plans are coming to fruition in the form of a repeal of section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act 1975 (Cth). Section 18C provides that it is unlawful to perform an act date another person or a group of people because of their race, Section 18C must be read in conjunction with section 18D, which limits its operation by that which is said or done “reasonably and in good faith”.
Inquiry on Racist Violence, that the “threshold for prohibited conduct needs to be higher than expressions of mere ill will.” The suggestion, here, is that legislation cannot act ultra vires of its role in regulating human behaviour to embody a prosecutorial applying pressure on the Attorney-General to repeal section 18C entirely because, as it stands, it remains an “excessive limitation of freedom of speech.”
ADVOCATES FOR CHANGE
Commonwealth Attorney-General, George Brandis, has his arms at the ready to defend the Government’s initiative to amend the
In 2011, Andrew Bolt was held to have broken the law in two nality by light-skinned people as an opportunistic attempt to
the right to be bigot. But before he pulls the trigger, it would be prudent to ask the Attorney-General to weigh the probative value of a right to be a bigot against the consequences of unchecked
based on racial hatred” and further, that he had not acted in good faith, and was therefore unable to rely upon the limitations imposed by section 18D.
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LEGAL REFORM
BALANCING ACT
AUSTRALIA’S CULTURE OF DENIAL
Applying a socio-cultural eye to the critique, it is necessary to recognize that Australia is a multicultural country. In light of the multiplicity of languages and ethnicities, the discourse has to move away from an emphasis on homogenous abstractions.
Contemporary power structures established by the government and media have embedded the seed of ignorance in the public psychology. Geographic isolation, diminutive population density, and the incessant narrative of warfare have inculcated a xenophobic doctrine. Andrew Markus, author of Mapping Social Cohesion, found that more than 40% of recent arrivals from a number of Asian countries report experiencing discrimination.
certain rights and freedoms in order to attain citizenship to a state. It is these limitations on our rights and freedoms that democratic context. There is no freedom of speech in Australia, although there is a freedom of political communication. Regardless of this, to balance the right to free speech against the right to non-discrimination exposes a question of probative value. In consideration of Mill’s harm principle, it could be argued the public good of free speech is outweighed by the potential harm of free and blatant racial discrimination.
process towards unfettered widespread discrimination. Therefore, it is necessary to maintain the extension of the condemnation of racially vilifying acts to speech. It is a measure that ensures Australia’s cultural denial of racism can still be placed under scrutiny.
CONCLUSION the Act, the injured party is required to name the behaviour as unlawful racial discrimination, name the party at fault and then make a legal claim. Pursuing this claim involves navigation of the complex and convoluted federal court system, at the very real risk of a high cost. Furthermore, Section 18D provides an explicit protection of the freedom of expression. It protects any statement that is reasonable and made in good faith if it involves artistic expression, tion denies a claim of free speech in instances of factual error, and expression.
COMMUNITY RESPONSE On the 18th of March this year, representatives of the Indigenous, Greek, Jewish, Chinese, Arab, Armenian and Korean communities issued a statement in regards to the proposed amendments. The interest groups found that the amendments would facilitate “public humiliation of people because of their race” and accordingly, urged the government against removing
In his approach to constitutional interpretation, Justice Kirby reasoned in Newcrest Mining v The Commonwealth, that where the Australian Constitution was ambiguous, the meaning that should be applied is that which conforms to principles consciousness is evolving to embrace an international system of approaches to case law. Therefore, an underlying assumption ever, in practical terms, Australia does not have a Bill of Rights, or even a Charter of Rights. Instead, Australia proudly defended the vanguard of the White Australia policy up until 1973. Australia still has the races power entrenched in section 51(xxvi) of the Constitution, empowering the Parliament to make laws with respect to people of any race for whom it is deemed necessary to make special laws. To this end, it is essential to not simply barricade the current amendments but to bolster them. Addressing racism is complex and must be nuanced by intersectional elements of gender, sexuality, class, caste, disability and other axes of identity. Systematic injustice and inequality occur on a multi-layered platform. This necessitates a multi-faceted approach under an overarching strategy of embracing a genuine multicultural identity.
limitations upon free speech in this instance only extend to that which is contrary to the standards of the community to an Australian Liberal Indigenous MP, Ken Wyatt, has informed his forward its motion to repeal the relevant provisions. Shadow Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus believes the Attorney-General’s comments to be tantamount to giving the “green light to racist hate speech” across Australia.
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ACCESS TO THE LAW
Community Legal Centres becoming ‘critically endangered’ BY CATH PILLEY
The recent decision of the Abbott Government to cut funding to Community Legal Centres is a major blow to making legal advice and education more accessible. After
environment could become extremely limited. Accordmany Australians and their communities.
I have realised the importance of Community Legal Centres in relation to improving access to justice. The cuts,
Funding reductions to NATSILS have also sparked outcry, with it being suggested that Indigenous people could be
led to a reduction in legal aid funding, with Community Island Legal Services (NATSILS) being hit hard. Legal Aid Commissions have been exposed to funding cuts of $6.5 million and $10 million respectively. The Community Legal Centre has played a crucial role in
legal advice, assistance, representation and advocacy to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders as an ‘expert voice’ for over 40 years. The organisation is solely funded by the Commonwealth Attorney General’s Department through the Policy Reform and Indigenous Legal Aid programs. Michael Smith, Convener of the National Association of Community Legal Services has said that the cuts will probably lead to a rise in Indigenous incarceration. Despite Senator Brandis’ statements, he believes it’s hard to see Without advocacy and reform work, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities could be exposed due to a potential decrease in culturally competent legal representation and assistance.
Progress Association and Warkworth Mining case in the -
Although the implications of these cuts seem a long way from the comfort of the lecture theatre, students need to -
recognised for their success in this case and in providing legal advice relating to conservation issues. The Attorney General, George Brandis, has stated that funding cuts edged that their work can be controversial at times when representing communities to protect the environment. to justice for communities standing up to protect their
reductions. With Community Legal Centres standing up for the little guy and local communities, they play a crucial role in decreasing the barriers faced by vulnerable groups and individuals in seeking legal assistance. By reducing inequality in the access to legal assistance, Community Legal Centres provide a cornerstone, an outlet, through which access to justice issues can be addressed. For more information, the EDO and NATSILS have factsheets describing their role in providing legal assistance services and the expected impact of the funding cuts. These are available at http://www.edo.org.au and http:// www.natsils.org.au/.
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INTERNATIONAL LAW
Refugee Crisis in Malaysia The need for a durable solution BY MUHAMMAD TAUFIQ BIN SURAIDI Muhammad Taufiq bin Suraidi was an intern at the UNHCR in Malaysia, working in the Outreach, Protection and Intervention (OPI) Office, from December 2012 to February 2013.
persons of concern (internally displaced persons, asylum seekers, refugees, etc.) in Southeast Asia. The majority of them are in protracted refugee situations, meaning most of them have been in their country of asylum for more What is worrying is that most Southeast Asian states are not signatories to the 1951 Convention relating to the Status of Refugees (1951 Convention) and the 1967 Protocol relating to the Status of Refugees (1967 Protocol). This can be very devastating for those in protracted refugee situations. They are in a perpetual state of limbo – on the one hand, Southeast Asian states will not send them back to their country of origin because this will breach customary international law of non-refoulement but neither will they enjoy the rights of refugees espoused in the 1951 Convention and the 1967 Protocol. In Malaysia, where I did my internship, there are some three hundred thousand asylum seekers and refugees. Most of them stay in Kuala Lumpur where they can have any camps or other accommodation for them to stay in, refugees and asylum seekers stay in cramped two to three room rental apartments in and around Kuala Lumpur. people. Private spaces are delineated by a piece of cloth hung from the ceiling and landlords often charge exorbitant prices or will exploit them to work gruelling hours in exchange for accommodations.
about seven million US-dollars a year and handling some three hundred thousand asylum seekers and refugees, it they were supposed to assist and protect is drastically limited. Furthermore, authorities in Malaysia continuously harass asylum seekers and refugees despite them being under reports from asylum seekers and refugees that their regis-
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INTERNATIONAL LAW
rests occur during night raids at 2am in the morning. This creates an environment where asylum seekers never feel safe and are constantly paranoid even in their own homes where authorities will constantly target for raiding operations. Over a long period of time, it is hard not to see this as inhumane and degrading for the refugees in Malaysia. It is also common for us to receive reports from refugees of being exploited by their employers or not getting paid for help them in such a situation because the Malaysian government does not recognise the right to work for refugees. and this allows employers to exploit them with impunity, either through long working hours and unfavourable working conditions or by getting them to do work and refusing to pay their salaries. Sadly, refugees resign themselves to such fate because they need to pay rent and earn some means of income to provide food for their families. The those in extreme dire needs such as those who are terribly ill or with debilitating disabilities.
seven million US-dollars a year and handling some three hundred thousand asylum seekers and refugees, it is not were supposed to assist and protect is drastically limited.
Furthermore, being under-resourced, it is common for like numbers – something they must do in order to get ingly, they pay little regard to how they speak and treat the refugee as a person. This can be a harrowing experience for the refugees when they are asked to recall their traumatic experiences to interviewers who do not show compassion. Lastly, waiting times for refugees to get their case determined usually spans some three to six years in Malaysia. Registration for asylum seeker status usually takes six months to a year. Refugee status determination will take about two to three years after registration. Resettlement you appeal to either of these processes. Now, imagine you are a refugee coming to Malaysia to escape your country whose government is determined to kill you because of your ethnicity. You have to earn a living to get a roof above your head knowing that Malaysia does not recognise your right to work. So you approach a stranger to seek employment and he promises to pay you some cash under the table for the work you do. You hope with all your heart that he is true to his words. You then move in with fourteen other refugees to stay in a small apartment and are always looking over your shoulder for fear of the authorities coming after you. You’ve registered your claim
six hundred asylum seekers and refugees approaching the
a small appointment card and ask you to come back six months later. You are here now, cashless, uncertain, afraid and without a home. You have seven more years of this, God-willing.
their refugee status determination assessment or reset-
To conclude, we need to rethink the protection mandate of
regarding legal and safety issues. As such, it is a common sight to see refugees waiting in line for hours in cramped and poorly ventilated halls to be attended to. Waiting times are usually eight or so hours. Sadly, there will always be days when not all of them could be attended to and it is always a nightmare of mine, as an intern, that when such a thing happens, we might not be able to render assistance to those who need it most. As a result, it is common for me and the other interns at the OPI to stay after 5pm till late to ensure that we attend to all who came to seek assistance
Asia generally. It is important to recall that the Universal From the situation in Malaysia alone, the word ‘enjoy’ can hardly be seen. My suggestion is that since refugees and asylum seekers are already living in the community, Malaysia should allow them to work and earn an income. I think refugees will be prepared to pay some taxes, which A durable and more economically sustainable solution is possible. There are ample willing and eager refugees who are waiting to help.
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LEGAL EDUCATION
Using the Law to Educate Children An Insider’s Perspective BY ALEX FERGUSON & ARTHUR BI
Can the police actually kick me out of a public with answers to ‘common’ interactions with the police like this. The program has drawn on the enthusiasm and research capabilities of law students to help design and deliver sessions in ACT schools. As Arthur Bi commented, “It is so surprising to learn how some of teenagers’ understanding of is.” One school student asked whether winning aims to help bridge the knowledge gap that we’ve seen with school children. range of year groups and seen them meeting on weekdays and weekends to work on developing programs, with support and direction from ANU faculty including Simon Rice, Paul Maharg and Mark Nolan. This year we are aiming to develop two new programs on employment law, and sex, drugs and alcohol. Delivery will be in Semester Two in ACT schools. In the long-term, we are looking to develop materials which can be distributed, like a pamphlet on employment law so that when we leave the classroom the learning can continue. bers in Semester 2. Stay tuned. For more information check out the website: http://law.anu.edu.au/lrsj/communitylegaleducationproject
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NEWS
OF THE
LEGAL WORLD Bonehead Prize for the dumbest case
The number of lawyers is reaching critical mass and one of the consequences is that the world is becoming ever more litigious. Gone are the days when an up-and-coming young advocate could tell a prospective client that their complaint was moronic or hopeless. That’s why we here at Peppercorn came up with this prize, to honour the achievement of the lawyer so desperate for work she will take on even the most petulant drivel and somehow fashion it into a plausible dispute. ner as there were a lot of hot contenders to sort through. Special mention should go to Chris Sevier who tried to sue Apple for his uncontrollable porn addiction, claiming the tech company irresponsibly sold him a device with unrestricted internet access. Nor should the plight of a gang of Idaho inmates be forgotten—they tried to sue a group of eight brewers for their own criminal behaviour. And just to prove that men actually do measure everything Matt Corby tried to sue Subway because his footlong sandwich was only eleven inches. But the winner has to be Rachel Canning, an eighteen year old who tried to sue her parents for her future college tuition and $650 per week in child support. Clearly demonstrating that eighteen years only bequeaths legal adulthood, Miss Canning cited that her parents had forced her to do chores and didn’t like her boyfriend. I mean, even in North, the premise was so ridiculous it turned out the kid had been dreaming all along at the end. At least presiding magistrate, Justice Peter Bogaard used this complete waste of time to shoot open the gates for 12-year-olds to sue for an Xbox? For 13-year-olds to sue for an iPhone?”
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accusations against the parents for wanting “to strip their daughter of her opportunities” despite it being repeatedly stated that Miss Canning was welcome to return to the family abode so long as she agreed to do her chores in future. squeeze a few pennies out of a petulant semi-adult but spent the whole proceedings believing her own shit. Fearing that her client was responding to the media fand insisted on conducting a voir dire on her former client to assess that she was not responding to coercion. Justice Bogaard (who I hope is one day appointed to the Supreme Court) stepped in saying he wanted to “keep our eyes” on the stated goal of ending the lawsuit, which is a commonly used judicial phrase meaning “shut up inquire whether Miss Canning still wanted to pursue therapy but was interrupted by Justice Bogaard, who one imagines at this point stood up from his chair and
“She’s a vulnerable person and I’m trying to make sure she’s protected,” the Atticus Finch wannabe shouted back. Moments later Justice Bogaard ruled out the case Canning had dropped the lawsuit voluntarily.
LAW IN THE NEWS
Chief Justice of the Family Court says cuts to legal aid have compromised her court
Women still face discrimination in legal profession
Justice Diana Bryant believes that as a consequence of the cuts more and more people are representing them-
The National Attrition and Re-engagement Study released this month by the Law Council of Australia has found women still face rampant discrimination in the legal profession. The study found that half of all women lawyers have experienced discrimination and bullying or intimidation, and one in four have been sexually ha-
system that already involves enough familial tension as it is. Justice Bryant asserted that as a result of Legal Aid Victoria’s decision to no longer provide representation to litigants where the other party is unrepresented, the scenario where a woman accusing her ex-partner of rape being cross-examined by that very person would become much more common.
Reburial of King Richard III taken to High Court Meanwhile, back in dear old Blighty, distant relatives of the crooked Plantagenet, King Richard the III, seeking his reburial in his ancestral home of York, have taken their battle to the high court. The monarch, who earned when a spear was thrust through his side at the Battle of Bosworth Field in 1485, was discovered buried under a Leicester car park in September 2012. The case will no and the proper disposal of overthrown tyrants.
Spanish Government grants dual citizenship to Jews expelled in 1492 Not to be outdone when it comes to righting ancient wrongs, the Spainish government has just approved legislation which will grant dual citizenship to the descendants of the Sephardic Jews expelled in 1492 by Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand. Spanish Justice Minister, Alberto Ruiz-Gallardon, anticipated that more than 150,000 Sephardic Jews scattered across the world, might apply for citizenship. So far most of the expressions of interest so far have come from Venezuela and Turkey, where, Mr. Gallardón said, Jews have faced hostility and may want a Spanish passport as a 600,000 Muslims expelled during the reign of Phillip III in 1609 will receive similar repatriation rights remains to be seen.
Fiona McLeod SC, described the legal profession as “operating basically as a men’s only club where some women get let in on a case-by-case basis”.
China tackles corruption of courts In China, Zhou Qiang, President of China’s Supreme People’s Court has warned that corrupt and corruptible judges undermine litigants and the credibility of the best interest, the courts lack the authority to enforce their own rulings. This warning follows in the wake of the Communist Party’s declaration last November that it would seek to end confessions gained by torture and to reduce the number of crimes punishable by death.
All news has been brought to you by
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LEGAL DRAMA
The Wonderful, Fantastic Life and Afterlife of ________ _______ ___ _____ is an exemplary law student. In all of his thousands hours of study of the law (he lost count of the exact number just a while ago), he had silently devoured countless dozens of volumes of cases, commentaries, legislation, textbooks, etc. so that his mind and soul have became inseparable with the spirit of the law (the metaphysical basis of this is still a matter of passionate debate between scholars of the ridiculous and insane). As evidence, he can imitate the reasoning and style of
uns”, are fully visible. The vast majority, known as “concepts”, “theories”, “ideologies”, etc. are vaguely lu-
well as the mannerism and accent of any famous barrister in history…without even thinking of laughing.
are starting to admire the rings on them.
something that is not entirely praiseworthy – i.e. sleeping during the last lecture of the year.
even ones that are entirely invisible, but we know they are there because…well…something reminds you of that look in ___ _____’s eyes when his name is called. There seems to be someone, sitting at the back of the room on a raised platform, presiding over the situation
Justice: So who, or what, is this ___ _____? (Pronouncing ___ ____ exactly the same way as we would pronounce it, i.e. “ ” - with an inquisitive tone) Someone had to answer. We immediately see angry
(Aside): Shh… Did I just hear someone asking why should you never imitate that? I really should answer this quietly as it is a ridiculous question. I can give a whole list of reasons – including, but not limited to: The room is very empty and he looks somewhat conspicuous
across the stage. There is suddenly silence as a grey cloud descends over the scene and slowly gathers itself behind one of the tables facing the bench. Justice: Who has the crowd chosen as its counsel? (Adjusting its reading glasses) Oh, I see. (Its hands twitched) I believe you are the word “Guilt”. A very old
longed slumber on these desks may raise health issues such as a perceived loss of intelligence
entities that humans dreamt up. Possibly of Germanic origin, judging by the similarity with “Geld” and “Schuld”… They have chosen well.
In fact, his legal spirit was so disgusted due to these reasons that it decided to take a little walk in a parallel
A Voice (somewhere next to us): For a poor law student, if you are the basis of money and debt, you are the basis of everything.
behind the lectern). We follow it into a larger theatre despite ourselves (we are normally respectful students
Another Voice (mutters): If you are as poor as Justice… (Justice looked up quizzically but said nothing)
Lights out Darkness & Silence The curtain slowly rises and the stage appears, set out as a courtroom. There is a glassy blue light in the room, so it looks as if it is suspended somewhere between the sea and the sky. On the back wall there is a large plaque, stating, in bold gothic letters:
Guilt (as Prosecutor): To answer the question. ___ ____ is a Law Student. Justice: And what is that? (It perhaps narrowed its eyes or frowned, but we can’t be sure, either because we are sitting in the back row, or because it really has no expressions - even nothing to display expressions with) The Prosecutor: (Slowly) A law student… (Deliberative-
It looked like an ordinary court except that it was crowded with…creatures. It is hard to tell which are the authorized entities involved in the process and which
L-a-w…is a brave creature that tries to swim across a vast sea of words without drowning. Justice: Yes, but that is not against our law.
always have collective authority). We are not even sure how many of these creatures there are in the room,
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LEGAL DRAMA
The Prosecutor: But this law student has tried to escape our judgment by destroying himself. This person is a risk to public safety in our empire and…
The Great Legal Spirit of ___ _____ (walking down the aisle and onto the stage with perfect dignity): If it pleases the court, I will defend ___ ____.
A Voice (interrupting): Sentence him for crimes against imagination…
Justice (with a touch of pride): There is no need for the formalism - you are not speaking to Justice Whatever-the-Name, you are speaking to me.
Another Voice: No! For the greatest moral crime of Word-slaughter - he let go of his name letter by letter… A Third Voice: Wouldn’t you have heard the pleading and praying in the dark… Justice: Silence! (A Pause, perhaps a frown again) I see your law student, sitting in a large, empty room, wearing a furry jacket, arms folded on the table, face buried in the fur. Your law student is tired, very, very tired, a little drunk perhaps, The Prosecutor: Not physically, or else he would be standing for trial in a much higher court than ours. Nevertheless, the crowd was right to point out that something is strange about the name___ _____. That could only happen when…I am almost ashamed to name it. Allow the witnesses to speak instead.
Counsel of the Accused (with cold logic and unexpected humility): What ___ ____ did was careless and deserves punishment, but we should consider the mitigating circumstances. This empire that accuses him is responsible for his death in at least two ways. Firstly, you have sent incompetent representatives into the human word who send back inaccurate reports. You do not seem to know that your jurisdiction over the minds and thoughts of people is shrinking. Now, you mostly govern actions, or the relation between things, and ___ _____ has follow this rule to the last letter. Secondly, it was you (that is, all of you) who brought about be thousands to take his place. If you silence them all you would destroy your empire – after all, how many have crossed it without giving up their soul? A fully visible creature: We cannot argue against that.
Justice (puzzled): As far as I know, you are not a part of the law for humans. even knows what he intends to mean by that – if he intends anything at all. picked up the line “my learned friend”, I would have retired centuries ago. about “mindless use”. All sorts of colorful, lively verbs, adjectives and nouns: At least you get a chance to see the light of the day once in a while. Justice: It is argued that by only using the words of others and reserving absolutely nothing for himself, ___ ______ drowned. If this argument succeeds then the solution is simple. We will banish the walking dead from our empire by imposing the death sentence, that is, eternal silence, as we always have done. It is now time for someone to defend ___ _____. Unfortunately, his usual allies are not available. Tiredness is too tired and depression is lost in its own little lightless maze again. Then we hear a light cough next to us.
The mass of luminous creatures: That is because if they survive long enough they’d become one of us. hands): I agree that there is a way for your argument to be taken into account. I shall now produce written judgment. Court adjourned. At this point the curtain falls Darkness A few seconds later, we begin to wonder how to get back to the lecture theatre, especially as we did seem to miss most of the lecture. Our calculations are suddenly disturbed by a loud cough, followed by a series of similar coughs. Light in an almost empty lecture hall It seems that ___ _____ has caught a cold (another reason why you should not sleep during lectures) and is making a series of gestures indicating - in incompetent sign language: “I think I have caught a very bad cold”. “Seems that you’ve lost your voice for a few days.” You say, “good excuse to procrastinate that essay.”
BY KELLY SU
ALLENS PEPPERCORN
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SATIRE
Satire, don’t take it too seriously
All satire has been written by
MICHAEL QUINCEY O’NEILL
Kevin Rudd visits Russia; dismantles Putin’s regime in a week Moscow: In what must seem as a surprise to anyone who is not a member of the Australian Labor Party, the former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has managed to overthrow the Russian government in a mere matter of days. Former Putin attache and head of the Krelim, Igor Igorsky, was left utterly perplexed by the sudden upheaval. “I don’t understand. One day Putin is ruling we have cabinet leaks, leadership challenges and a massive slump in the polls-I didn’t even think we had still polls in this country, at least not since we pulled out of Warsaw back in 1989”. Other Putin cronies were less surprised. Former head of Security, Dobinstikov Dobinichy had this to say on the matter: “I’ve shot protestors, imprisoned rival candidates, wrestled polar bears, but that Kevin Rudd guy is just fucking mean! I heard on the way over here some air stewardess accidently poured soy milk into his
coup for the former PM, there are already rumours that with his autocratic bearings. General Raskolnikov Raskolnikovsky, who has served in Russia’s army since 1939, was left gob smacked. “I asked Kevin if I could direct the Russian army into the Ukraine, but he told me if anyone was going to command Russian forces it was going to be him. For Christsake, even Stalin let me do it back in ’44”. Kevin Rudd had this to say on his newfound powers, “I spent last week reading the complete works of Dostoyevsky—in Mandirin I might add—and I think I understand the Russian character. We need to build the Russia of tomorrow, to foster a sense of community, to reward hard work and most importantly, do whatever it takes to stay ahead in the polls.” One of the new leader’s was quick to deny any compensation for the surviving victims.
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ALLENS PEPPERCORN
Burgmann College scandal: resident votes for Greens ACTON: Residents at Burgmann College are distraught over a recent scandal that has broken out amongst their ranks. From all appearances it was just another breakfast down at the mess hall when suddenly First Year nate in control of Western Australia, announced that he would “probably cast a vote for the Greens next time”. “It was simply awful,” reports Wendy Xao, Vice-Assis-
Polo Club. “There I was about to dine on my poached, grain-fed Albatross egg when suddenly the most Bolshevik nonsense poured out from young Tom’s mouth”.
Club President of the Yachting Society, heard the news sometime later: “I was in my room, doing an online Property Law quiz with a few of my friends, when we got the story. And, you can believe me, we we’re all gobsmacked. The Greens are just another front for poor people it should be their children!” Gary Oldenburg, Assistant Junior Vice-President of the President, and who describes himself as “middle-class” though both his parents are wealthy medical practitioners, asked residents to be calm. “We’re an enterprising lot at this college, in fact several committees have already been established to look into this whole debacle and I can assure everyone involved that participation will look very good on their resumes”. In response to the scandal, the President of the College has cancelled his bi-weekly yachting trip in the Bahamas, citing the urgency of the crisis and the fact that ‘daddy’ needed the vessel to take the Prime Minister for a spin around the Greek Islands.
SATIRE
Kim Jong-Un “stoked” to receive a letter from Justice Michael J. L. Kirby PYONGYANG: Despite the overall condemnatory tone of the missive, Kim Jong-Un was utterly delighted to rethe Democratic People’s Republic of Korea couldn’t stop waving it about and showing it to all the other members of the ruling elite. “I really like his style-it’s clear and concise and he even used bullet-points to highlight each one of my crimes against humanity—he’s such a cool guy. I wrote back to him but haven’t got a response yet. But imagine, little old me starting up a correspondence with the Michael Kirby”. a big fan, Kim replied, “I think I identify with him a bit, hereditary position, and I understand what it’s like to the rest of the International community, just like Kirby Court”. When asked if he was going to actually respond to Kirby’s demands the great leader appeared hesitant. “Of course I’d never want to upset Michael, but from a pragmatic point of view I’m in a bit of bind, what with being a tyrannical despot ruling solely from a position of terror and all. I asked Gummow what to do and he thinks I should just ignore him”. Meanwhile, Kirby seems undeterred by the failure of his epistle, and has now despatched several more letters to other pariahs of the International community. Asked why bother, the former justice said, “I think it my part of my duty to invest some of my humble time to the moral education of leaders all around the world. My letter to President Assad would have ended the Syria Civil War by now but I think it must have gotten lost in the mail”.
John Mccain: “Cold War is not over”; calls for Gallipoli campaign arms over the unfolding Crimean situation, citing the Obama administration’s response as “weak”, with none more apoplectic than the President’s one-time rival, Senior Citizen John McCain. Mr. McCain, who was quick pretend a hearing impairment when comparisons with President Bush’s utter submission to Putin during the Georgian crisis of 2008 were made, believed that the only appropriate response Obama could take would be to revive the Cold War, then ramp up the Cold War to the nth degree by staging a bloody land battle spanning At a rally of gun-ho and extremely heterosexual Republicans, McCain, after complaining about his ailments for several hours, informed the crowd, “that the only thing Stalin understands is force! That’s why, while Frontier, I propose invading the Dardanelles with a group of Australian soldiers, thus opening up the Black Sea to the Spanish Armada! Also, does anybody know where I left my spectacles? I swear I had them on just a minute ago…” Stalwart Republican Sarah Palin likewise attended the rally and told the gushing crowd, “that we will support our Austrian friends in the struggle to save Korea!” for the proposed campaign, with many young Aussies course credit to claim youth allowance. Brad Caulfellow, an ANU student, believes a campaign in the Dardanelles is a fool’s errand, obvious to anyone in their third year of studying International Relations. “I was going to wait until ANZAC Day to post my opinion on Facebook that luckily this new venture came along and I could post my insightful status update earlier than expected—you can up!” When asked about the ongoing crisis, Ron Fareweather, Professor of International Law at the ANU, noted “that Russia has clearly violated key principles of International Law—which of course means jackshit when you have so many tanks”.
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Pepperorn Editorial Team Editors-in-Chief MICHAEL QUINCEY O’NEILL Deputy Editor-in-Chief ERIC ALLILOMOU Print Editor TARA SHENOY Contributing Editors CATH PILLEY KEITH KUAN KELLY SU Graphic & Layout Designer ABIGAIL WIDIJANTO Sponsorship Liaison ALEXA MILOSEVIC