26
My Beloved My Friend
ON CONVERSION and MASORTI MARRIAGE Zahavit Shalev
One of you is Jewish and one isn’t.
The Jewish partner
You love each other and are planning a
If you’re the Jewish member of a mixed
future together, but you’re overwhelmed by
relationship then you may have begun thinking
questions, both your own, and those of your
and talking about the importance of Judaism
family and friends. There are, it seems, so
to you since fairly early on in the relationship.
many more things to think about than if you
Maybe you never really thought about how
were both Jewish.
Jewish your children would be, but now that
And yet this apparent difficulty is actually a
feels like a burning question. Maybe you’re
blessing. It’s forcing you to think and talk about
suddenly aware of strong feelings when your
your values, how you hope to live and what
loved one eats a bacon sandwich or goes
you hope to pass on to your children. These
Christmas present shopping. And perhaps
discussions are the best possible preparation
you feel caught out now when asked to explain
for a life together.
what Yom Kippur is or why you do or don’t
Hopefully it’s comforting to know that
light Shabbat candles. Suddenly you need to
although your questions are very real and
know how Jewish you’d like your home to be,
require considered responses, you’re not the
how much non-Jewishness you can tolerate
first people to confront such a situation. Others
and what compromises you are able to make.
have dealt with the challenges of falling in love
Big questions bubble up — such as whether
outside of their religion and have gone on to
you will circumcise your children. Whatever
enjoy a wonderful life together. You can too,
you decide, you are now the lead partner on
as long as you can talk, listen, and try to see
Jewish matters in the relationship. How do
the big picture.
you feel about that?