Words by Chris Welsh
Pranks A Lot There’s a school of thought that says pranks aren’t funny, that they’re childish, unfriendly and cruel. Wrong. Anyone who thinks that just isn’t very good at pulling them off. If you’re a talentless prankster and don’t want to end up the victim, here are some ideas...
TAME
Tinfoil Everything Kitchen Roulette A classic. For £20 you can wrap every single item in a bedroom in tinfoil. Do it whilst they’re out drinking and enjoy how pissed off they get when they return to their shiny, space-ship palace.
All you do is take the labels off tins of food in the kitchen. Next time your housemate gets peckish, they won’t know if they’re opening spaghettios or that tin of dog food you stashed in there.
ANNOYING
Safe Sex
Sewn-up
DANGEROUS
Slip ‘N Slide
Lock ‘Em Up
EVIL
Porn In The DVD Player
Similar to tinfoil, only you target everything even vaguely pole-like with condoms. Toothbrush? Yep. Bed posts? All four. It leaves a rubbery smell that’ll take a bastard age to get rid of and it’ll coat everything with a slippery sheen of spermicidal lubricant.
It’s a very simple trap. Squirt lube all over their floor and wait for them to go arse-over-tit.
Sew up every cuff on every pair of jeans, every sweater and every pyjama your house mate owns. Then record them hopping around the room confused as fuck as to why they’re struggling to pull on their pants.
Pick up a padlock and latch for a couple of quid. While your housemate dreams of happy things, screw the latch into their bedroom door and then to the door frame. Lock the padlock in place and go to bed yourself.
So the chump who’s playing terrible pranks on you has, somehow, found a hot date. They’re out and they’re definitely bringing someone back. Download some horrible porn - worst you can think of - and burn it to a DVD. Put that DVD in their player, turn the volume on the TV down, and leave it playing for when they arrive back. Their date will be instantly turned off by the sight of a horse doing unspeakable things to a man in a zebra mask. *Wireless does not recommend you attempt any of the annoying, dangerous or evil pranks contained in this article. Think you can do better? Tweet @wirelessuk and tell us what you’d do. Photos always welcome. 27