Parenting Toward the Kingdom: A Companion Guide

I wrote Parenting Toward the Kingdom because I believed it would help parents. I didn’t know if it would, but I knew that it really helped me. I never expected it would end up being translated into different languages and used by Catholic, Protestant, and even non-Christian parents. I also never expected to receive emails from parents who were interested in starting parenting groups in their parishes with the book, asking me for good discussion questions and group activities. I obliged and sent questions, and what I asked in return was that they keep their notes. After a few of these types of exchanges, I realized what the next step needed to be: a companion guide to the book.

The three moms who wrote this book with me, Kendra Hunter, Presbytera Stephanie Petrides, and Kristina Tartara, each ran parenting groups in their parishes using the book, and they developed their own activities and discussion questions. While Parenting Toward the Kingdom reflects my experience as a dad of seven, this companion guide is the fruit of their wisdom and experience as mothers who use this book in their daily lives and help other parents to do the same.

Parenting Toward the Kingdom won’t get our kids to behave, take away our parenting struggles, or make us into perfect parents. What the book can do is help us understand the path of parenting. But we still need to walk the path or, more accurately, struggle and grow on the path of raising our children.

And, what all parents need as we learn how to respond rather than react to our kids is other parents who are close to us, learning with us, and supporting us. That is the purpose of this study guide.

We’re glad you are making the time to gather with other parents and think about how you’re raising your children. Parenting is challenging. It’s complicated. It is physically and emotionally exhausting. It’s easy to get lost in the demands of daily life and think, “I don’t have the time to take a break and join a study group.”

But what I know and have experienced is that it is precisely because parenting is so challenging that we need to take regular breaks to regroup, share our struggles, connect with other parents who are struggling on the same path, and learn a few things about raising kids. A parenting group cannot take away the challenges of parenting, but it can take away the feelings of confusion, discouragement, isolation, and even failure that we can experience along the way.

One of the purposes of Parenting Toward the Kingdom is to help us learn how to connect our daily struggles and what we learn at home to the life of Christ and His Church. And one of the best ways to do this is to meet with other parents at church and share our parenting challenges and questions as we work together toward the same long-term goals.

The study guide can be used with a group or on your own. We think you’ll benefit the most by going through the study guide with other parents; however, we realize this is not always possible. If you are going through this on your own, we encourage you to use the Let’s Discuss sections as an opportunity to reach out to a spouse or friend and discuss what you are learning and thinking.

When we make the effort to meet with other parents and think through what we are doing, we can return to our homes feeling refreshed, encouraged, and supported, and with renewed clarity on how we can continue to navigate the demands of family life.

Don’t worry if you haven’t read the book or if you can’t read the chapters designated for each session. Naturally, you will benefit the most if you read the chapters that go along with each session ahead of time. But, really, just showing up is sometimes all a parent can do, and that’s good enough. You will benefit from the fellowship and support of other parents and will take home a few new insights and ideas. The book is also available as an audiobook, because I know that having time to read can feel like a luxury for parents.

We don’t expect you to get through all the material in a session at one meeting. It’s okay to take a little more time to discuss a particular topic if it is important. The goal is to be learning together, not making sure you cover every topic. But we do recommend that you start a new session each time you meet so you can make it through as much of the book as possible over the course of a year. You can cover the missed material when you run the study group again in the future.

In any case, Parenting Toward the Kingdom is a book that is meant to be read several times because it contains so much information, and because our kids are always growing and encountering new challenges and struggles. I find myself rereading the book, and many parents have shared with me that they reread it multiple times, because parenting is about learning how to walk alongside our children as they learn and grow, and we never stop learning. This study guide is meant to be used a second and third time, individually or as a group, so that all the content and questions are eventually covered over time.

Each session is not the same, but each is organized to help you gain as much as possible from the book. In each session you will find most or all of the following:

Let ’s Pray

Each session begins with a prayer. The appendix contains the Akathist to the Mother of God: Nurturer of Children (St. Paisius Orthodox Monastery, 2005). We recommend that you begin each session by reading a section of the Akathist together.

Let ’s Begin

Most sessions then continue with an opening activity for the group, to get everyone thinking on the topic of the day.

Let ’s Listen

This is a personal note from me, letting you know what the chapters associated with each session are about and what you’ll be discussing. And I’ll highlight some of the key things you’ll be discussing.

Let ’s Learn

These are short excerpts from the book on different topics, a time to learn some new ideas or strategies.

Let ’s Discuss

Here you’ll have a chance to talk with a partner, or as a group, about what you’re learning and what you’re thinking.

Let ’s Reflect

This is a time for you to answer some questions on your own, privately. It’s a time to think about how the ideas you are learning and discussing apply to your own experience. You don’t need to share these answers with the group if you do not want to.

Let ’s Practice

You’ll take some time with a partner, or in a small group, to put into practice some of the ideas or skills you are learning, and then you’ll talk about this as a larger group.

Let ’s Go

Toward the end of each session, this will provide an opportunity for you to set goals for yourself for the coming week, based on some of the things you’ve learned.

Let ’s Review

Finally, this will highlight the key points of the session. You can share this with a spouse who could not attend, use it if you miss a week, or just use it as a review when you come back again, to remind yourself of what you talked about last time.

We hope you enjoy this study guide, and mostly, we hope you continue to learn and grow together as you raise your children toward the Kingdom.

—Philip Mamalakis