My Journey Through a Fog Bank

By Didi Arias

Illustration by the author

Midway through 2020 there was the first giveaway that something was off when I noticed that my days seemed to be ending sooner than they should have, with evening chores, dinner, and bedtime rolling around before I felt I even got started. That was odd because it was summer and our daylight hours here in southern Spain are long. It also seemed that very little progress was being made on my “To Do” list: day after day it was sneering at me, growing longer. Not only was there the feeling of getting little accomplished, I was also forgetful, frequently walking in to rooms without remembering why; my cell phone even had a brief stay in the fridge. “This can´t be good”, I told myself.

I felt distracted and had difficulty concentrating on one task at a time, starting something only to get up and leave it and take on something else, only to leave that. I was chasing squirrels, with lots of starts and no finishes – and that wasn´t really me. Interestingly, a friend called one evening and asked if I too was experiencing “mush head”, as she called it, noticing that she was going nowhere fast (Yay, I had company!). A bit concerned, we Googled the “symptoms” to make sure that we didn´t have brain worms or anything, and were relieved to find that probably was not the case. Wanting to exclude any further medical possibilities for my fogginess, I tootled off to my doctor and after discussion, exam and bloodwork, the diagnosis was “it´s just stress - you and everyone else”. Relieved that my missing time was most likely not due to alien abduction, I embarked on finding how to get myself better, to “just relax” as the doctor told me, and stop my self-sabotaging, worrying ways. Now that there was an explanation of what was wrong it was time to explore the “Why”, and the culprit was glaringly obvious.

By all counts, the year 2020 was a stinker, and without having to make that in to any more of a moan fest than it already has been, we can all admit that it has effected everyone, everywhere, in some way or another. I thought I was handling it all well, until the focus thing, which made me realize that I had allowed a “bug” to bypass the operating system security and enter my motherboard, messing up my circuitry with overwhelm and distraction. Of course fear, worry and uncertainty can all cause anxiety, and in my case, that was topped off by experiencing several personal life issues that added to the stress with the recent loss of my mother, not being able to teach (due to my country, Spain, having one of the strictest in-home lockdowns on the planet), and being physically limited due to recent injury. So it was no mom, no work and no exercise - a three

handed wallop; it was heavy and I was starting to feel the effects.

Having received good emotional support from my mother´s care team, they helped me realize something very important: that I was unable to control a lot of what was going on around me, so I needed to single out the things that I could control. With this sage advice in mind, I knew this was the key to get my focus back on track, and the following is the “How” in how I did it.

By writing everything down A routine seemed paramount, so I started by dusting off my shelved 2020 agenda despite having no lesson appointments or show dates to put in it. “Worm the dogs”, “order feed”, “clear out kitchen cabinets” were the insipid entries, but pathetic as it seemed, keeping up some sort of a regular referral of my day planner, as I previously had, was important to me. Separating tasks into categories kept the annotations from being chaotic, and this small organization made everything more structured and less easy to be overlooked.

A racing mind is common when you are having trouble focusing, so I resorted to carrying around a small notebook to catch those numerous 100mph thoughts. By writing them down I could get them out of my head, knowing that they wouldn´t get lost, to be dealt with at a later time. Note I recommend a book as opposed to pieces of paper – which are too much like scattered thoughts that just end up getting left all over the house – use a book. All of this head uncluttering helps free up room in the mind so that focus can be directed to specific thoughts. I found that a good prebedtime practice was to get whatever day´s end residual thoughts removed and jotted down so that they wouldn´t run around in my head all night, railroading my attempts to sleep. For the same reason, I would write down a streamlined list of what I had to do the next day, best setting me up for enjoying my Dreamtime. My personal environment got an overhaul I yearned for a comfortable and relaxing home environment, for as with a cluttered mind, a cluttered environment puts me in to overwhelm overload. Because we had always been too busy to tackle all those many “when I get round tuit” chores, my husband and I decided that we would both feel a whole lot better to finally give them our attention and organization. We have lots and lots of stuff and it was starting to feel like we were weighted down like those on the hoarder shows, so it has been a work in progress. While I have not been able to go through each and every possession (yet) to see if I loved it, as recommended by some declutter gurus, I have been tossing and rearranging like a champ, with enough passion to make the minimalist experts proud.

It was recommended that I surround myself with only good and positive things; to me that is family, my animals, hobbies, books, seasonal decorating – we even rescued and adopted two new dogs. As much as I could, I needed to avoid things that gave off bad vibes. I identified two negative practices that needed reassessing: too much television (especially the news) and social media; an excess of the former leaves me zombie-like, and the latter leaves me feeling that I need to put on protective armour to just go online as there can be that much exposure to toxicity. So I was happy to spend a lot less time doing both, besides, all that looking at the screen and sitting idle just isn´t good for you and makes your butt flat.

My body, my temple The mantra “Nourish the brain by taking care of the body” perfectly aligns with what the scientists tell us when they say that executive function is helped by eating healthy food, drinking plenty of water and participating in 15-20 minutes of daily aerobic exercise. It just all makes such perfect sense and the way I look at it is I wasn´t going to let any old virus get the better of me without a fight. I´ve been taking care of this body for a long time and I work at it, because at my age, honey, if you knew how tough it was to keep it this way, you´d know I´m never going to quit because I don´t know how long it would take to ever get it back. Now say that in your best Mae West voice!

Keeping up a personal appearance routine was actually helpful, if not a little odd, because keeping up appearances is about keeping up attitude. Though tempting as it was, the novelty of staying in pyjamas all day quickly wore off. Despite the fact that we endured home confinement for months, I still wore my usual clothes, accessorized, did my hair and pretended that all was normal as I went about my daily routine, all dressed up with no place to go. I think back to a photo a friend sent to me in a WhatsApp message: she was mid-spin in her living room wearing a dress, heels and full makeup.

“What are you doing?” I wrote back.

“I´m practicing my salsa dancing”, she replied.

“But you are by yourself, why are you all dressed up?” I asked her.

“It is all about attitude”. That lady will definitely not let her brains go foggy!

I got acquainted with meditation during our home confinement, though I am hopeless at sitting still without physically or mentally squirming. As I find my solace in Nature, I remember that my mother had told me about the walking meditations that she used to do with the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hahn, and that appealed to me. I made up my own version, which included bringing my camera in case I saw the most perfect sunrise or butterfly. Perhaps not traditional, but it works for me as the important thing is to lower the monkey

customer seems to be pretty well ingrained in our business processes. But donors and volunteers are two groups that can sometalk down to silence level, and sunrises and butterflies do just that. experience. Difficult times have their benefits as one learns from them and I am Just as I paid attention to my home surroundings, I can also work to create a times be overlooked. Donors are a pretty diverse group. The size and the frequency Charities have the responsibility and (sometimes) the IRS requirement that they provide donors with a receipt now more aware that low motivation, lack learning atmosphere using my personal of the donation vary considerably so there isn’t a one size fits all for their donation. The requirements vary based on I would have loved to learn yoga during of urgency, difficulty or confusion with creativity and by putting more effort in approach to expressing gratitude. But the statistics show that many the amount of the donation and whether the donation these times, but the injuries kept me out a task can be signs of stress or anxiety in to pre-planning and setting up lessons. I not-for-profits don’t succeed in thanking their donors successfully. was made in cash or as an item(s). IRS Publication 1771 of action. But I was kept entertained and in touch by another one of my friends who students´ lives. Just as I found a way to smooth it out for myself, perhaps I could can even embellish the environment with music (leads to musical rides!) and changes Seven out of ten first time donors never donate again. Over 50% of not-for-profits stop sending thank you acknowledgements after (Charitable Contributions- Substantiation and Disclosure Requirements) provides the details but generally: sent me regular photos of her struggling for try to find ways to help my friends, family their first year in existence. And the average not-for-profit is only of scenery, as in getting out of the arena enlightenment by learning to stand on her and students struggling with these same and on to a field or trail.retaining 40% of recurring supporters. I couldn’t find any surveys A donor must have either a bank record or some written head. We each make it work in our own ways. issues, or at least guide them towards those that can. Riding is such an amazing outlet for that demonstrated the improved retention rate of sending a thank you, but I can’t imagine that there wouldn’t be some improvement. communication for any donation before claiming the donation on their tax return. If the donation is $250 or more, the donor is responsible for obtaining a written And now for the biggie – sleep, or lack It would certainly be worth investigating, given the cost of acquir- people, especially in very trying times, communication from the charity. (If someone has donated thereof. I have the suspicion that this ing first time donors vs retaining donors. I will stop and think next time a student and now more than ever I want to make it $250 or more to your organization, why would you make was one of the root causes of my blurry appears to be defiant or lazy, and “pay as good an experience as possible for my Volunteers are much like employees. They keep your organiza- THEM be responsible for obtaining the receipt?!?) mind – I was too worried to sleep. I read attention” will drop from my vocabulary, tion functioning and are the face of the organization to your cus- riders. I know that my students may have up on the subject and followed all the unless I am pinching and advising myself. been struggling, or their families may be: tomers. But they don’t even get paid. Over the course of a year, If the donation is as an item(s) (tack, show awards, instructions on what to avoid, from what to volunteer attrition is one out of every three people. One of the top life just got very different. But all of us are etc.), the charity is required to provide a written receipt if eat before bedtime, to avoiding TV before Considering what I can do to make things resilient and able to problem solve and to ways to improve volunteer retention is to say thank you. the donor states that the value of the donation is greater bed, no devices, no reading. Then I tried all the better for my students when I be honest, we have to give ourselves credit Saying thank you doesn’t have to be expensive or time consum- than $75. But the receipt should never include a value of everything legal to deal with the problem: a set bedtime, relaxing CDs and meditation can get back to teaching, I think two key elements essential for successful outcomes for even getting this far in life. ing. Be creative. Post photos of these organizational superstars on your website. Host an Appreciation Day at your barn and invite the items. That is the donor’s responsibility. The charity should only provide a description of what was donated— e.g., 3 Passier Apollo Snaffle Bridles. tapes, melatonin, counting sheep, lavender will be having an open communication line everyone associated with your business. Ask how people want to And I shall never forget the wisdom handed pillow, lavender diffusor, lavender body lotion and the world´s most comfortable bed. I even tried sex, but that gave me and structuring classes with consistency and routine, much of which has been interrupted in their everyday lives. down to me by a great friend and mentor: “This too shall pass”. be thanked. Establishing and maintaining good business relationships with these key players ultimately translates into success for your orgaDonation acknowledgements should include: the donor’s name, the date of the donation, the amount of a monetary donation and/or a description of any items donated. Also an appetite. To date I´m still working on the sleep issue; a friend recommended a weighted anxiety blanket so I´m going to give one of those a try next. I can re-analyse how I teach the lessons and look at where I can simplify and reduce elements down to more do-able and easier tasks, in shorter time periods. Focus needs About the author: Didi Arias is a Level 3 ARIA Certified Instructor and national dressage judge and teacher, who resides nization. About the author: Carol Gordon is a CPA with an MBA from Boston College and the owner of Carol Gordon, CPA, which provides consulting services to equineinclude a statement, if that is the case, that “no goods or services were provided by the charity in exchange for the donation. And never, ever include a statement that the donation is tax deductible. Whether or not that is the case depends on each donor’s individual tax situation. In conclusion based businesses. to be on benefits and good outcomes, and You can contact her at in Almeria, Spain. I end this as I started it: 2020 was a stinky I can create situations of rewards and cgordoncpa@gmail.com. If you have any questions that you’d like covered here, please email year, yet there were also upsides to this incentives. her with your suggestions.

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