TAXING ISSUES
MOVING TO ENGLAND “You’re Moving To England?... Why Would You Want To Do That?” by Ann Allega It was the spring of 2004, I was in sales for Heineken USA and working and living in Arkansas. If you’ve never been to Arkansas, it’s a beautiful place, but a whole lot of nothing in large parts of the state. Same is true for Texas, where I’m from. So, being in sales, I drove and drove and drove all the time. On the last day of my job in Arkansas before moving to London (promotion with my husband’s job), I called on a liquor store literally in the middle of nowhere to take a last order and say good-bye. I told the owner/clerk/ only employee I was moving to England. First, she said, “England, Arkansas?” And I said, “Um, no ... it’s England, like THE England, you know way over there, like across the pond” (though I’m not sure if that bit registered). Seemed ages as she pondered this then said, “Why in the world would you want to do that?”. And maybe she had a point. What was I really expecting? It all seemed so worldly and exciting as I anticipated the move. Buckingham Palace, Afternoon Tea, world class shopping, travelling by underground - I’ll do it all! Everyone speaks English, the transition will be seamless! I’ve been to London once on holiday, no problem! As you can imagine, after a few months, the novelty and bright lights started to fade, though I did finally get used to public transportation and not having a car. I learned to have no fear and move through a crowd like I was a horse with blinders on. I’d tell myself “move quick and with purpose, or you will get run over”. I’m really quite brutal about it now. But I did start to love the pub culture, Sunday lunches, quiz nights, grocery delivery (this was 2004 remember), the NHS, Indian food, Eastenders, walking everywhere, the Eurostar, travel - so much was different from what I had ever experienced. However, as time went on, I was really missing things from home. Friends, family, Fritos, the weather, the Gulf of Mexico, corn tortillas (I still struggle with this one) and I began to see lots of differences in people in London vs. what I was used to at home. I’m a runner and noticed early on, when you go for a run here, no one usually says a word to you. In Texas, you’ll get several acknowledgements “Mornin!”, “Hi”, “Have a nice day” as you run. Pretty much silence here, which I wasn’t used to. Though I will say if you have an emergency whilst (love this word) out in public in the UK, people will leap to your defence and help. I was pregnant in 2006, almost fainted on a packed WWW.THEAMERICANHOUR.COM
train to London Victoria one morning, and this woman from out of nowhere yelled at the top of her lungs “HEY everyone, this lady needs air! Make way, I need help!” And loads of people moved, made a place for me to lie down, and were fanning me with their morning Metros. When we first moved, I was offered the chance to work with Heineken UK, which I had to have a real think about. I ended up deciding instead to pursue a Master’s degree in Addiction Psychology, and today I have my own Psychotherapy Practice. How in the heck does one go from beer to counselling? I think part of it was that I hoped to figure myself out, and surely I’d learn enough to make myself happy no matter where I lived. I was really struggling missing home, my parents, friends, everything I was used to. I’m an only child and was feeling tremendous guilt for not being around the corner to help my parents. Dad was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and Mum in her late 80’s. I went back when I could, once or twice a year, but still struggled with not being closer. Luckily in my Master’s degree training I was required to go to a therapist myself. Good thing because I didn’t realise how I was completely a “grass is greener” person, dreaming only of being back in Texas. I recently went on a cruise to Mexico with 49 of my sorority sisters from The University of Texas at Austin. Most of us hadn’t seen each other in 35+ years. When I arrived, I was considered the “world traveller”, the woman whose life was envied. But moving to the UK is not all “easy peasy lemon squeezy”. Everyday things you felt you “just knew” in the US have to be re-learned. Even though the Brits do speak English, words for everyday things differ. “Paper towels” are “kitchen towels.” “Restroom” and “bathroom” are replaced with “loo” or “toilet.” The temperature is reported in Celsius, and the list goes on. Social customs can also be challenging. Customer service may feel different. You may question when, and how much, to tip. Workplace norms, or the challenge of being the trailing spouse, can add to these frustrations. Triggers for home can pile on. Babies, marriages, holidays, and illnesses are big triggers for homesickness – whether happening in Britain or in the US. Dealing with all of this can require the right kind of space to vent your frustrations and feelings. People often choose therapy because they
are experiencing difficulties and distress in their lives. You don’t have to be in crisis to have counselling, you just may be seeking help to get through a difficult/challenging time. In the UK, there are many resources to provide support beyond expat concerns. The NHS provides many options that you can find online or confidentially from your local GP. For concerns triggered by your expat experience, speaking with a qualified professional may help ease your worries and find practical ways to manage. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy is the largest and broadest professional association for members of the counselling professions in the UK with over 44,000 members. Support can range from face to face sessions to online (Skype) sessions or even phone or email counselling. Sometimes, just having the ear and advice of a professional can help guide you through a rough time. Eleven years later, one move back to Texas, and therapy for myself to adjust, I finally feel like London is home. Texas is also still home, and it’s ok to have two places that I love and that I call home. And I even whinge about the sweltering heat in Texas now. How did I ever stand it that hot? Ann Allega, MSc, MBACP, FDAP, ACTO, MCiPN is a Psychotherapist in private practice with a particular interest in American expat clients. Before pursuing a Masters in Addiction Psychology from London South Bank University, Ann worked for Heineken and Miller Brewing Company as a Sales Manager covering several states. Ann, her husband Philip and son Austin now live in Greenwich in South East London and love travelling. In her spare time, she likes to cook anything Italian, go to the gym and read crime thrillers. Visit annallegacounselling.co.uk
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