WHAT I’VE LEARNED: VANESSA QUIGLEY

BY ERICA EVANS

Before she parachuted into the tech world, Vanessa Quigley was absorbed in mom world, raising seven kids. In 2014, she and her husWomen in tech: “It’s been frustrating as an executive realizing how hard it is to find women for technical roles. We need more women getting a band founded Chatbooks, which transforms social media posts into physi- technical education, and then we need workplace cultures that prioritize cal photo books, preserving treasured family memories in analog form. Her family. I never considered a technical degree. Now I wish someone had role as a mother, she quickly discovered, was an asset — one that leveraged said, ‘You should also broaden your education.’ On the other hand, my maternal experience as a formidable tool in a male-dominated industry; husband has worked in software his whole career. At the time, I was a staythe company recently surpassed 10 million photo albums sold. Nowhere is at-home mom and he was never home. He was lucky he had me to always Quigley’s nimble, childrearer-turned-executive acumen more evident than be there for the family.” on her podcast, “Momforce,” where the 48-year-old dishes advice that bol- The transition from kid to teen: “It is dramatic. There’s a massive sters the company’s mission: strengthening families. She’s also the author of change. Before I had teenagers, I was terrified. But I really love the teenage “Real Moms, Real Hacks: 107 Parent-Tested Tips + Tricks to Save You Time, phase. It’s a fabulous time of life where they are maturing into independent Money, and Sanity.” Her knack for adaptation is on display on Instagram — adults. Celebrating my youngest’s 13th birthday, I thought I might be sad where she effortlessly switches from sharing recipes to behind-the-scenes about it because now we are officially, you know, old parents. But it is actulooks at how Chatbooks are printed, and where she posts about her kids. Her ally exciting. I’m not mourning that phase.” youngest became a teenager this year; another is learning to drive. Making the most of family time: “I make sure I am done working

Here’s how she’s learned to manage it all: at 3:30 p.m. when the kids are home. I try not to open my laptop or Slack Working with her husband: “It’s wonderful and difficult, and it’s per- after that.” sonal. It’s a giant benefit because we’re used to talking about hard things Taking (or ignoring) advice: “If I tried to implement all the advice and working through problems, but it can also be challenging. We’ve had I’ve gotten on motherhood and business, I would have lost my mind. You to learn to up the professionalism in our working relationship and set have to learn to say, ‘That’s not for me,’ if it doesn’t resonate.” boundaries instead of taking each other for granted.” Can motherhood be hacked? “Parts of it, yeah. Most of the hacks Time management: “It’s a lot of nitty-gritty list-making and schedul- in my book are about helping moms make the most of their time with ing. I literally slot in every 30-minute chunk of my upcoming workweek on little shortcuts. But some parts of motherhood, you don’t want to hack. Fridays. It doesn’t always flow that way, but at least I have a plan. I do the You want to savor them and stretch them out. I love hanging out around same thing with our family life on Sundays, penciling in meal plans, driving the table, doing puzzles and talking with my kids. There’s nothing hacky lessons with my daughter and dates with my husband.” about that.”

BY LOIS M. COLLINS

Like a lot of siblings who are close in age, Kelsie and Taylor Wakefield, 16 and 17, Jeffrey Arnett, an expert on emerging adulthood and senior research scholar at Clark University ual growth deserve much of the credit for forging stronger relationships.” Despite everything have butted heads often. Over the years, feuds in Worcester, Massachusetts, says families that stacked against them, teens still found ways to regarding who got the blue cup evolved into dis- have enjoyed stronger relationships amid the connect with others and grow. putes over who got to drive the car. Unsurpris- pandemic are lucky. That result is not a given. Research published by Stanford in 2020 ingly, their mom — Heather Wakefield — wasn’t The coronavirus pandemic and its resul- found that teenagers who showed greater consure how things would go when COVID-19 shut tant challenges only inflamed another public nectivity, or interconnectedness, in a set of pardown their school and forced them to spend health crisis. Teen anxiety and depression had ticular brain regions were less likely to experimore time together. reached well-documented, epidemic propor- ence pandemic-related depression and anxiety.

But instead of bickering more, Kelsie and tions even before the pandemic. According to The results highlight the importance of the Taylor bonded over an unlikely shared project: the Centers for Disease Control and Preven- so-called executive control network, or ECN, a 1979 RV. Their younger brother, Adam, 14, tion, more than 6.3 million children ages 3-17 in dealing with stress and adapting to new chalfound it in a classified ad for $300. In a time have been diagnosed with depression or anxi- lenges. In short, more connectedness means when school, dance classes, soccer games and ety. When the National 4-H Council commis- better adaptations for dealing with stress. Debasically everything else was put on hold, the sioned the Harris Poll to investigate adolescent spite the trauma of the past year, many teens — Wakefield teens spent their time gutting an well-being last May, the vast majority of teens like the Wakefields — took “the opportunity to old house on wheels. They slathered on coats expressed fear that the pandemic’s impact on challenge themselves to take control of what of paint, wired up an entertainment center their generation’s mental health would linger. they can, despite the circumstances, which has and transformed the old RV into a grown-up It’s been tough for kids who aren’t dealing proven to be very powerful,” Howe says. clubhouse. Days spent sanding floors and re- with a diagnosis as well. One collaborative Individuals and families have developed upholstering furniture turned into evenings international study published in the journal coping skills that meet their own set of cirstreaming movies and telling each other stories. Psychiatry Research found clinginess, difficul- cumstances in a very strange time — and Through it all, the Wakefields discovered what ty in attention and being irritable as common Heather Wakefield has been moved by the has proven to be a silver lining in a very cloudy psychological conditions shown by all minors remarkable growth she’s seen in her children. year: closer relationships between themselves during the pandemic. She was especially worried that without the and their parents. It took more than buying an RV and fixing physical outlet of dance and sports, life for her

Kelsie said she’s both surprised and pleased it up with her brothers to make the coronavi- high-energy children would devolve into chathat she and Taylor get on each other’s nerves rus’ challenges bearable for Kelsie Wakefield. os. Instead, Heather has seen Kelsie quell her less since they started spending time together. She said she’s battled depression since before conflicts with Taylor, tuck Adam under her “We’re better able to actually communicate COVID-19, which only made it worse. When wing, get in touch with her older sister Korde, and … take time to know one another.” school first closed, she spent most of her time and build stronger-than-ever bonds with

What used to look like discord and torment in her bedroom — feeling withdrawn — until her younger siblings Xande and Adam. For a now looks more like encouragement and honest her parents took her to a doctor to address her mother, these are joys that take the sting out fun. In candid family photos, Kelsie and Adam are mental health needs and find the right medica- of challenges like moving during a pandemic often side by side, grinning and making silly faces. tion for her. and adding roles like “teacher” to her already

The family — who moved from Utah to The strain to make the most out of a “new task-filled life. Kissimmee, Florida, last year — spend their normal” has been a struggle for both younger Maybe in a version of 2020 without a pandays hanging out on the beach, choreographing and older family members. Over the past year, demic her children would have gone their dances and making dinner together. But are parents have been challenged to take on all separate ways more. She counts herself lucky they an example of pandemic-induced family roles, all the time, and meet their kids’ needs — that, despite it all, they aren’t only a strondynamics or simply an exception to the rules of no small feat by any stretch of the mind. But ger family now, but good friends, too, the sort bonding during this past year of social distanc- according to Salt Lake City psychologist and who crowd into a clubhouse they created from ing and staying home? therapist Jenny Howe, “teens and their individ- a rusty RV.