our book, “Are We There Yet? The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids,” occurred 33 years ago, I remember every detail vividly. I was overwhelmed, convinced God was giving me more than I could handle. A third child? Impossible! How did I get from that moment of hysteria in 1981 to my current status as a mom of 22 and grandmother of 35? There are so many facets to my answer -it filled a 500+ page book! But to sum it up in one word, the word is “balance.” God has worked with me continuously on this. In particular, He has shown me that I need to maintain balance in these three areas:
1. Plans versus “go with the flow”
I’m a planner and list maker. As a young bride, I had a plan to have two children (biologically) and adopt two. My husband agreed which only confirmed that this came from God. Claiming Proverbs 16:3—“Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established” (ESV)—we started on our journey. We soon learned that God had other plans!
And yet, He gave me this personality and it has served me well. I’ve stayed (mostly) sane and our family has flourished in large part because we’ve set goals, made plans and worked hard to achieve them. We had plans for daily routines, educational goals, holiday celebrations and more. Plans are good. But don’t go overboard. Some of the best times in our family life occurred when we accepted detours with a sense of adventure. From an unplanned feast of fresh corn with a farmer in Idaho, to the unplanned addition to our family of a precious terminally ill child named Wayne, we learned that when God takes us off the path we have planned, it’s always because He has better plans ahead. Sometimes the terrain between one road and the next can be rocky. Hang on to the Lord, not to your plans!
2. Order versus Chaos
I grew up in an orderly home with a time and a place for everything. Our God is a God of order. “There is an appointed time for everything” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NASB). “All things must be done properly and in an orderly manner” (1 Corinthians 14:40, NASB): But while raising 22 children, most with special needs, I’ve learned not to be a slave to “order.” Rather, I have learned to accept chaos at times.
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“...I’ve learned not to be a slave to “order.” Rather, I have learned to accept chaos at times.”
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Attending a school event, snuggling to read stories, keeping watch with a sick child, taking extra time to make brownies so that small children could take turns cracking eggs, or sitting up until two in the morning with a teen who needed to talk are among the most important things I ever did, even though doing them often meant going to bed with dirty dishes in the sink or unfinished paperwork piled on my desk.
3. Time Together versus Time Apart
I crave time alone and have learned that I need it as much as I need oxygen. My husband and I need couple time and each child needs one-on-one time. In a large family we need family time where we strengthen the bonds of unity that make us a true family and not just a collection of people who happen to live together. Mark 6: 31 (NASB) reminds us to “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while,” while Psalm 133:1 extols unity: “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!” (NASB). Balancing these competing demands has been one of our biggest challenges. We’ve found it takes intentionality and—yes—planning! Time alone, individually, and “date nights” are essential. As flight attendants remind us, we are no good to others if we don’t put our own “oxygen masks” on first. “One-on-one time” for each child was written in ink in our calendars. Hector also took a different child to breakfast each Saturday; we continue this tradition with our grandchildren. And then, family time. From dinner-table sing-alongs, to full-blown plays with costumes and props, to camping, volunteer service or cleaning the garage—we were deliberate about spending time together and ensuring that everyone, regardless of age or ability, could participate. Working toward balance in each of these areas is a continual, but worthwhile, juggling act. And when all else fails, Carole’s two strategies always work: eat chocolate and remember that God has a purpose in all of this! SUE BADEAU is the author of “Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids!”Find her online at www.badeaufamily.com.
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