THE ART OF GRATITUDE BY ALIZEH SHAHID
GRATITUDE
THE ART OF By Alizeh Shahid GRATITUDE AS Publications LLC
The Art of Living First published in Abu Dhabi by AS Publications LLC Copyright c Alizeh Shahid 2020. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Publisher: Alizeh Shahid Email: alizeh_shahid@live.com ISBN: 487-3-2572572-33-4 Typeset in: Paper: Designer: Designed & Illustrated by Alizeh Shahid
Content
Introduction Chapter 1: Journey
1-2 3-10
Chapter 2: Study of Gratitude
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Chapter 3: Importance
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Chapter 4: The link between happiness and love Chapter 5: Heath benefits References
21-22 happinessve 23-24
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Introduction
By nature, I am a very quiet and private person. I have always found myself behind the camera throughout life. Because I have created such a life for myself, I tend to overthink more than usual and get indulged in my thoughts very easily. Saying that practicing gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions would be an understatement. Never imagined sharing my private journey of self-reflection but here I am, publishing this book. To begin with, I have complied this book with my own journey of practicing the gift of gratitude combining with the knowledge that I have gained through thorough research about the general study, importance and the strong impact that gratitude brings in our lives.
I tend to overthink more than usual and get indulged in my thoughts very easily
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hie healt is the ns e d tu tio grati emo ticing ll human c a r P a
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Journey A memory came to mind recently of opening presents after my tenth birthday party – the thrill of the smooth, sharp-edged wrapping paper as I ripped it open, the breathless discovery of the gift concealed within. I also remember the many dull hours in the days that followed, writing thank-you letter after thank-you letter to grandparents, aunties, neighbors and friends, my mother sitting beside me, addressing the envelopes. This could be why the notion of formalized, prescribed and premeditated gratitude, which in the past decade has become the darling of positive psychology and the self-help movement, tends to stick in my craw. So, too, the piles of gratitude journals displayed in gift shops among other tat, bespattered with cheesy quotations at jaunty angles: overcompensatingly “inspirational” gifts for uninspired givers on a deadline.
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Study after study has found a robust association between higher levels of gratitude and wellbeing, including protection from stress and depression, more fulfilling relationships, better sleep and greater resilience. Simple exercises that people can do on their own – such as spending two weeks writing a daily list of three things for which they are grateful – have been found to increase life satisfaction, decrease worry and improve body image, with the beneficial effects lasting for up to six months. Gratitude was one of the most powerful variables that personality psychologists could find when it came to predicting wellbeing, over and above most known factors, from wealth and health to other personality traits such as optimism, a psychologist says, “There is something very special about gratitude. It is something wholly unique, unto itself, that, from a
“There is something very special about gratitude. It is something wholly unique,unto itself, that, from a statistical standpoint rises up to the top of the milk, like cream�
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statistical standpoint, rises up to the top of the milk, like cream,”. But why? What is it about this emotional experience that has such a miraculous impact? How does it work? Faced with such unequivocal research findings, my contempt seemed foolish and arrogant, so I decided to swallow my skepticism and give gratitude a go. I couldn’t bring myself to buy one of the journals with a corny saying on the cover, so I used my regular diary. The first night, I struggled to work out exactly what I was supposed to be writing and simply noted some good experiences I had had that day. But that did not seem quite right – I was pleased these things had taken place, but I did not feel what Sirois described as an “overwhelming feeling of appreciation”. The next night I adapted my method and wrote the words “Today I was grateful for”. As I pondered what to write next, I felt a warm, settled, comforting feeling in the pit of my stomach. Over the following weeks, I was at various times grateful for the time to read my book, grateful to my mother for cooking me soup, grateful to feel the stretch of my muscles in my workout class. I began noticing things to
be grateful for as they happened, mentally filing away the moment for that night’s gratitude list. As the pages in my diary filled up with scribbled gratitude, I started to find the concept less vomitous. But there was still much that left me uneasy about the way gratitude has been rebranded by personalities such as Oprah, Arianna Huffington and Richard Branson as the key for everyone to unlock a successful relationship, career and lifestyle. For some people living in poverty, or who have suffered discrimination, or who have a history of trauma, or whose mental or physical health problems have had a devastating impact, to be told that trying to feel grateful might help may feel like an insult. There may be people for whom keeping a gratitude diary could be counterproductive, says Alex Wood, a psychologist and the centennial professor at London School of Economics who has been a major contributor to this field. There is caution in his voice as he points out that there has been little research into what he calls “the dark side of gratitude”. He says: “The blanket endorsement of gratitude has been too early in the field. I’m suspicious of any claims you should put this into practice on the basis of a few studies, or that this
noun: skepticism 1. a sceptical attitude; doubt as to the truth of something.
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should be used on vulnerable populations such as people with depression.” Some people may find it helpful, Wood says, but it is feasible that others could feel a sense of misplaced gratitude that keeps them trapped in a dangerous situation, where instead of recognizing their reality they feel a perverted form of thankfulness towards those oppressing them. “Many people might feel a lack of gratitude because they’re in objectively bad situations. For people in abusive relationships, for example, the answer is to get the hell out, rather than feel more gratitude,” he says. To have a positive impact, it cannot be indiscriminate – it must be “gratitude with discernment”. It seems to me that a lot of things need to go right for a person to have the capacity to feel gratitude – it is a pretty advanced-level emotion. If feeling grateful to someone else is at least partly contingent on having had healthy, nurturing, nourishing relationships in early life, if it means being able to tolerate feelings of vulnerability and being able to value something given to you by someone else without feeling envious, it is hardly surprising that there is a correlation between gratitude and wellbeing. Hearing this, I felt an instinctive and overpowering
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“This gradual emergence of profound moments through meaningful encounters feels different from the branding of gratitude as a lifestyle choice”
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grateful for as they happen – it is a useful tool for reflection, for noticing things I might otherwise take for granted.
sense of appreciation for what my parents gave me as they made me write those thank-you letters. I tried to remember to add it to my gratitude list that night. This gradual emergence of profound moments through meaningful encounters feels different from the branding of gratitude as a lifestyle choice. There are times when I have to force myself to write my gratitude diary and it feels like a capitalistic stockpiling of emotion, as if I am making deposits into my gratitude savings account, accumulating moments of appreciation to build myself a richer life. Nevertheless, after four weeks of counting my gratitude, I think I will keep doing it – for as long as I remember to, at least. I sometimes find that, before bed, my thoughts speed up into an anxious whirl; concentrating on what has brought me gratitude that day seems to quieten my mind. I am also finding more things to be
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While the diary has helped me in some ways, I am no evangelist. As Wood says, there have not been enough studies to prove that the relationship between gratitude and wellbeing is causal, rather than correlated. We should be wary, he says, of leaping to conclusions about how a gratitude diary can improve mental health: the positive effects may be partly explained by the act of doing something for oneself, with hope and optimism. While keeping my diary has been helpful, at times I have ended up with something that looks like gratitude and sounds like gratitude, but feels like something flatter, just words accumulating on a page – a thank-you letter a child has been forced to write. I remain skeptical of the commodification of gratitude, suspicious of the conclusion, so easily drawn, that if you do not feel grateful it is because you are not trying hard enough – you have not done your gratitude exercises, along with your downward dog and your mindfulness practice and everything else we are supposed to do to perfect ourselves. It is comforting to think of our feelings
as being within our control, like a muscle to be trained, only with a notebook and pen. But I believe the reality is more arduous and more luminous. Significant and enduring psychological shifts take time, hard work and, crucially, help from other people, sometimes professionals. The shameful under-funding of mental health services means that many people do not have access to treatment. But when we do get the help we need; real change can become possible. That is a beautiful idea, one that has made me feel truly grateful for being in the world – and I could never have come to it alone.
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Study of gratitude There is a variety of things that can conjure positive feelings of appreciation or gratitude that may guide people towards meaning and better health. Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation, and positive psychology research has found neurological reasons why so many people can benefit from this general practice of expressing thanks for our lives, even in times of challenge and change. Many of us express gratitude by saying “thank you� to someone who has helped us or given us a gift. From a scientific perspective, however, gratitude is not just an action: it is also a positive emotion that serves a biological purpose. In summary, gratitude is a positive emotion felt after being the beneficiary of some sort of gift. It is also a social emotion often directed towards a person (the giver of a gift) or felt towards a higher power. Many people are not appreciative despite being the beneficiary of an altruistic act. Can you think of a time when you felt this? Most people can. It is not a pleasant experience for anyone.
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“Gratitude is a positive emotion felt after being the beneficiary of some sort of gift�
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Thanklessness deprives people of the emotional rewards of gratitude, and this article hopes to offer tangible ways on how to cultivate a more appreciative state of being. Two Stages of Gratitude First comes the acknowledgment of goodness in one’s life. In a state of gratitude, we say yes to life. We affirm that all in all, life is good, and has elements that make worth living, and rich in texture. The acknowledgment that we have received something gratifies us, both by its presence and by the effort the giver put into choosing it. Second, gratitude is recognizing that some of the sources of this goodness lie outside the self. One can be grateful to other people, to animals, and to the world, but not to oneself. At this stage, we recognize the goodness in our lives and who to thank for it, ie., who made sacrifices so that we could be happy? The two stages of gratitude comprise the recognition of the goodness in our lives, and then how this goodness came to us externally lies. By this process, we recognize the luck of everything that makes our lives— and ourselves—better.
Thanklessness deprives people of the emotional rewards of gratitude, and this article hopes to offer tangible ways on how to cultivate a more appreciative state of being
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Importance
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Gratitude is a selfless act. Its acts are done unconditionally, to show to people that they are appreciated. “A gift that is freely given” is one way to understand what these acts are like. For example, if someone is sad and you write them a note of appreciation, you are likely not asking for something in return for this person; instead, you are reminding them of their value, and expressing gratitude for their existence. At the moment, you are not waiting for a “return note” from this person. Even when we do not expect a return, sometimes they happen. Gratitude can be contagious, in a good way. In the previous example, maybe when you are down, this person will write you a note too. Unsurprisingly, religious and spiritual movements have explored gratitude too. Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism are some of the main religions with writings on this. Historically, many religions referred to gratitude strictly regarding the need to be thankful for a higher power. More so, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism stressed gratitude as an integral step on the path to a good life. In Islam, the purpose of the five daily prayers is not to ask Allah for anything, but instead, to show gratitude towards Allah. These three religions offer a unique role of gratitude, and overall, one of thanks for this existence and who created it.
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1. Enhanced Well-being
5. Stronger Self-Control
Expressing your thanks can improve your overall sense of well-being. Grateful people are more agreeable, more open, and less neurotic. Furthermore, gratitude is related inversely to depression, and positively to life satisfaction.
Self-Control helps with discipline and focus. Long-term well-being can benefit from self-control, for example, resisting nicotine in cigarettes for someone who is trying to quit smoking. Self-control helps us stick to the “better choice” for our long-term health, financial future, and well-being.
2. Deeper Relationships Gratitude is also a powerful tool for strengthening interpersonal relationships. People who express their gratitude for each other tend to be more willing to forgive others and less narcissistic. Giving thanks to those who have helped you strengthens your relationships and promotes relationship formation and maintenance, as well as relationship connection.
When people are optimistic about their well-being and health, they may be more likely to act in ways that support a healthy lifestyle. 4. Increased Happiness In the pursuit of happiness and life satisfaction, gratitude offers a long-lasting effect in a positive-feedback loop of sorts. Thus, the more gratitude we experience and express, the more situations and people we may find to express gratitude towards.
Expressing your thanks can improve your overall sense of well-being
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“Gratitude can be contagious”
3. Improved Optimism
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Link between Happiness & Love Surely, being appreciative for our blessings can make us happier… in fact, research on gratitude has shown that it is associated with positive emotions including contentment, happiness, pride and hope. Although similar, gratitude can nevertheless be distinguished from happiness. praise (which is a verbal expression of gratitude) enhances the experience of enjoying benefits. Therefore, experiences of gratitude should result in taking pleasure from the benefits in life… and, the experience and expression of gratitude should enhance subjective well-being and therefore, that people who are disposed to gratitude should also feel happier Gratitude is consistently showed to be significantly associated with greater happiness Why? Well, for starters, gratitude increases experiences of positive emotions and it also helps people to take pleasure from positive experiences. Furthermore, gratitude is associated with better physical health which is a contributing factor to happiness. Gratitude also helps people cope
In romantic relationships, feelings of intimacy and closeness are influenced by the perception of a partner’s responsiveness to an individual’s wishes and needs
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with adversity and to develop and maintain strong relationships. Happiness is associated with being grateful (i.e. satisfied) with what one has and focusing more on the positives in life. Furthermore, emotions are adaptable so sometimes we may become numb to what makes us happy… a dose of appreciation for our blessings can help us again feel happy. The Research on Love and Gratitude To begin with, bringing people’s awareness to benefits that they have received from others results in them feeling loved and cared for by other people. In romantic relationships, feelings of intimacy and closeness are influenced by the perception of a partner’s responsiveness to an individual’s wishes and needs. Gratitude also has the effect of promoting an individual’s focus on the positive qualities of their partner, along with being aware of their partner’s needs and wishes.
“A dose of appreciation for our blessings can help us again feel happy�
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Health benefits 1. Gratitude improves sleep quality, decrease the amount of time needed to fall asleep. 2. Gratitude can strengthen your physiological well-being and has been found to result in better coping and management of terminal as well as faster recovery from particular medical procedures and positive changes in immune system functioning. It is associated with more positive health behavior and has been found to lead to less pain. 4. Gratitude increases your energy levels and people are much more likely to report physical and mental vigor. 5. Gratitude increases the likelihood of physical activity It is now common understanding that exercise provides a huge benefit to both physical and psychological health. Gratitude makes people more likely to exercise. Keeping these health benefits in mind, it is certainly seeming the case that practicing gratitude has widespread and ongoing effects on our lives.
It is associated with more positive health behavior
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“Gratitude makes people more likely to exercise�
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References "The Research on Gratitude and Its Link with Love and Happiness", 2020 “What is Gratitude and Why Is It So Important? [2019 Update]”, 2020 Sarner, 2018 “Definition of skepticism | Dictionary. com”, 2020
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GRATITUDE
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This book is about a personal journey of life appreciation through the gift of gratitude.
Copyright c Alizeh Shahid 2020
- Alizeh Shahid
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