The
Wedding
FROM THE
PUBLISHER’S DESK Marriage is the process by which two people who love or will love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that lasts until death. In this month’s edition, I will guide you through a colorful Sikh wedding. Enjoy! Warmly,
Sonia Pandher Publisher
Arranged marriage? No, thank you. They are seen by many as business deals that have little to do with love. But arranged marriages are far more likely to lead to lasting affection than marriages of passion, experts claim. According to research, those in arranged marriages – or who have had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less in love over time. In love: Couples who have their other half chosen for them have a stronger marriage because their love grows over time And within ten years, the connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be around twice as strong. Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests and life goals are compatible. This means they are more likely to commit for life – and to stick together through rocky patches. Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to be blinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details. When the going gets tough, they are more likely to view the situation simply as a natural end to their romantic dream – a way of fate telling them something is wrong with the relationship. With soaring divorce rates and record numbers of single-parent households in the West, researchers suggest it is time to rethink the Western approach to love. Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approaches taken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish. He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages. His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark. Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arranged marriages is typically twice as strong.
Mehndi Mehndi ceremony is where they apply mehendi (henna) to the palms of the female family members, and the hands and feet of the bride. Chuda Chuda is basically a set of red and cream ivory bangles which is gifted by girl’s Mamma (mother’s Brother) the girl does not see the chuda until she is ready for the marriage. People touch the chuda and give their heartiest wishes to the girl for her future married life. Haldi Haldi involves applying the paste made from turmeric powder and mustard oil all over the girl’s body by her female friends and relatives.This is done to bring glow on the bride and groom on the special day.
A love story
My heart to you is given... do give your’s to me and we’ll lock them up together and throw away the key...
3 years ago I was on holiday in Goa, he is a Dr and was attending a medical conference and we happened to be staying in the same hotel. I thought he was beautiful, but we exchanged nothing more than a pleasant hello when we passed each other, this went on for about 8 days. On his last evening, he stopped me and asked to exchange email addresses, which I agreed to do. We corresponded regularly for about 5 months, by email and telephone, I was travelling to Mumbai for business, he asked if we could meet and he travelled to Mumbai from his home in Punjab. We spent a wonderful week together and on my return we continued to correspond. I returned three months later to India and we met again and so it went on for about 12 months. Over this time our feelings were becoming deeper and the distance was harder to bear. He was a man from a Sikh family, his parents expected him not only to marry a suitable Indian/ Punjabi girl, but, also a girl from the same caste, which I was not. We had discussed this at length and I had always accepted that eventually he would have to leave me, but, he always promised that he would be honest with me and keep me involved with any plans being made by his parents. But, the love we had was too strong. His parents were aware of me, and didn't mind his involvement so long as when the time came he did the right thing and married as arranged by them. Time moved on and we have been 'together' for about 2 years. He was visiting his family home in Punjab when one morning I was woken by the telephone, it was my boyfriend, he had told his parents about me, told them he intended to spend the rest of his life with me and that it was a non-negotiable. His Mother was devastated and tried everything to convince him that I was not the right person for him. w His Father eventually said: “Invite her, let's get to know her.� To cut a very long story short, his parents, although never thrilled with the idea, eventually came around. I cannot say that they are 'happy' with the union, but, we are friendly and I hope that over the years they will come to accept me. We had everything set against us working out culture, religion, distance and yet we slowly and surely built strong foundations and a lasting love.
Jaggo
A pot is decorated with candles and carried on the head whilst singing jago songs. It means “Wake up” and gets everyone in the mood for what’s to come. This pre-wedding ceremony starts with everyone beautifully dressed in Ghagara and we dance around in the neighborhood to let everyone know there is a wedding coming up.
Details With this ring, I give you my heart, I promise from this day forward, You shall not walk alone, may my heart be your shelter, and my arms be your home.
Joota chupai It literally means 'hiding the grooms shoes'. The bride’s sisters indulge in stealing of shoes. It is a fun tradition, in which the girls charge a fee for agreeing to return the shoes. They demand Kalecharis of gold for the bride's sisters and of silver for her cousins.
Phere Lavan, or the four hymns of "Laav" are the essential part of the Sikh marriage ceremony, Anand Karaj. They are sung as the bride and groom make the four wedding rounds, walking around the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. First Laav: Asserts that marriage is encouraged as the best state of life for a Sikh. Second Laav: Conveys the awakening feelings of love a bride has when leaving her former life, and beginning a new life in partnership with her husband. Third Laav: Declares the bride's detachment from the world and outside influences, while becoming more deeply devoted to her husband wishing only to live for him. Fourth Laav: Describes a spiritual union of love and devotion where no feeling of separation is possible, imparting perfect joy, and contentment. Upon completion of the fourth round, the bride and groom are considered to be man and wife.
Reception SIMPLY ONE HELL OF A PARTY AT THE EVENING TO CELEBRATE THE NEWLY WEDS!
LOVE, LAUGHTER AND
Happily EVER AFTER.