“Grandma’s Porch” by Rodnekka Hall
“Come out to the porch with me and sweep before the sun goes down. Don’t sweep the trash out the door once it’s dark unless you want to see someone you love go to jail.” “No, ma’am, Big Momma.” “It’s alright to roam around the yard barefoot in the summer. If you catch cold in the winter, put Vick’s chest rub under your feet and wear wool socks. Always keep your heals oiled up when wearing sandals. People look at you from feet to head, not head to toe. Soft pedicured feet are a must unless you want to replace your bed sheets every month.” “No, ma’am, I would rather buy pretty dresses with my money.” “Don’t pop your knuckles. No man gone put a ring on a woman’s hand bigger than his with black knuckles. Take your church outfit out on Saturday evening. That way you won’t run late for Sunday school.” “Do I have to go every Sunday when I get grown?” “This is how you check your stockings for runs before you put them on. Always go to church looking your best. Never come as you are. The Lord don’t bless no mess, chile. Don’t go being too familiar with them mannish boys down at the church either. Make sure to sit with your legs crossed. Everybody don’t need to know your business. The secret to fabulous hair on special occasions is to always keep a good wig on hand.” “But I’m not bald-headed, Big Momma.” “Unless you learn to cook, you will never keep a man. He will always go sniffing in other women’s kitchens when he gets hungry. Always clean your meat with apple cider vinegar before you season it, especially pork. You see them pigs out there. They is something nasty. Keep some apple cider vinegar in the bathroom too. It does 27